AHHalex Posted July 28, 2008 Share Posted July 28, 2008 It seems like everytime I get close to someone, or interested in becoming closer friends with (or dating) a person they become obsessed. They want to spend all their time and want me to spend all my time with them. It has happened with quite a few friends, and I do not know what to do. It has also happened with all of my past boyfriends and again recently with two boys interested in dating me. I hang out with them, once or twice, or we go on one date, and all of a sudden they are telling me that they love me, that they have "never felt this way before," and all that junk. I am not sure what it is about me that attracts the obsessive personality, but I do not like it. It is a huge turn-off. I enjoy being spontaneous, and off-the-wall, I am not looking to be tied down to one person right now, if ever. So someone telling me that is a huge no-no. Any suggestions on how I can fix this? Does this happen to anyone else? Link to comment
Jelina Posted July 28, 2008 Share Posted July 28, 2008 I think that making it clear once you start a committed relationship with a boyfriend would help. You can do this by either saying you need your space or by not staying with your S.O. 24/7 in the beginning of a relationship. If you don't spend every min. of the relationship with a person when you first started dating, they won't expect that a few months later. If your friends are doing this then just tell them you need time alone. Link to comment
AHHalex Posted July 28, 2008 Author Share Posted July 28, 2008 I think that making it clear once you start a committed relationship with a boyfriend would help. You can do this by either saying you need your space or by not staying with your S.O. 24/7 in the beginning of a relationship. If you don't spend every min. of the relationship with a person when you first started dating, they won't expect that a few months later. If your friends are doing this then just tell them you need time alone. I agree that that may help. But the only problem is, they usually tell me that they "love me" or whatever before we even start any boyfriend/girlfriend stuff. And then from the point they say that on I am not nearly as attracted to them as I was before. But definitely, not spending a large amount of time together would be great. Thank you so much =D Link to comment
Jelina Posted July 28, 2008 Share Posted July 28, 2008 Why is it that the thought of someone loving you is an immediate turn off? Is it that you feel you don't deserve to be loved? Or is it that you aren't really looking for love just someone to spend time with? Do you think that maybe they aren't becoming obsessive maybe it's that you realize you are spending a lot of time with them and then become scared of commitment? Link to comment
Haven Posted July 28, 2008 Share Posted July 28, 2008 Is it obsession, or is neediness/clinginess? Obsession is a pretty extreme thing, and I find it unlikely that you happen to have attracted so very many of them. Needy/clingy people, on the other hand, are common. You may be attracting clingy guys because you're more approachable and friendlier than other girls. Are you friends with these guys before you go on dates? Link to comment
AHHalex Posted July 28, 2008 Author Share Posted July 28, 2008 Why is it that the thought of someone loving you is an immediate turn off? Is it that you feel you don't deserve to be loved? Or is it that you aren't really looking for love just someone to spend time with? Do you think that maybe they aren't becoming obsessive maybe it's that you realize you are spending a lot of time with them and then become scared of commitment? Well, I am not looking for love, especially not at my age. I want someone who wants to have fun, and be spontaneous. And "I love you" that early on in a relationship doesn't represent that to me. I feel that them saying it that early on, and it not being mutual, makes things difficult. Love should be a mutual thing, should it not? I suppose that part may be my fault though, not looking for that love, I am hoping it will just come along some day, but if not I am content. It may be a fear of commitment. I don't want to spend a lot of time with them. I do not want to sit around and do nothing on a date, but usually I just go along with the relationship (whether it be boyfriend or friend), regardless of whether I am happy or not, just ride it through and see if they want to end it. I suppose this could all be my fault. Link to comment
AHHalex Posted July 28, 2008 Author Share Posted July 28, 2008 Is it obsession, or is neediness/clinginess? Obsession is a pretty extreme thing, and I find it unlikely that you happen to have attracted so very many of them. Needy/clingy people, on the other hand, are common. You may be attracting clingy guys because you're more approachable and friendlier than other girls. Are you friends with these guys before you go on dates? It is more of a neediness or clinginess I suppose. And I have always been told I am a very friendly and approachable person, and I am usually unconditionally happy. Most of the time, yes I am friends with them before I date them. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted July 28, 2008 Share Posted July 28, 2008 they guys that tell you they love you need to go. too immature to know that then. you might be a great girl. they are just lusting though. Link to comment
Haven Posted July 29, 2008 Share Posted July 29, 2008 It is more of a neediness or clinginess I suppose. And I have always been told I am a very friendly and approachable person, and I am usually unconditionally happy. Most of the time, yes I am friends with them before I date them. That's probably why, then. Most of my female friends (as well as myself) have had this occur - a guy friend confesses that he's "in love" with you and asks you out. I honestly don't think you have anything to worry about. It's just because you're so friendly/approachable that you're probably making these guys think you are interested. That, in turn, causes them to be more interested than they would be with other girls. If you get along really well with them, that would increase the effect as well. For many clingy/needy guys, you don't even have to flirt with them for them to start liking you. All you have to do is be very friendly, show them attention, and also be happy around them and make them feel as if you like them as a person. I have a friend who does this with everyone, and every single one of her guy friends has asked her out or dated her at one point or another. Link to comment
AHHalex Posted July 29, 2008 Author Share Posted July 29, 2008 they guys that tell you they love you need to go. too immature to know that then. you might be a great girl. they are just lusting though. Thank you, I agree. Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.