Am i letting her win?

[ADVICEISGOOD]

lol i cant get over this sorry guys. recap

 

been with my bf for 3yrs we have a son together. 5 months back he cheated . supposedly this one night stand led to her "supposedly" being pregnant. i asked before it was killing me not knowing if she really is. and her story of dr appt and ultrasounds dont match up to a person who is really pregnant.

 

update:

so i had to see if she was i did go to her work and i couldnt tell if she was or not no belly either her work uniform didnt show much of anything she is a tiny girl so ok maybe it wont show until later but anyways besides the point.

 

i can't get this outta my head what if she really is. who would lie about a lie for this long if she really wasn't why would she lie about being pregnant for this long? so im starting to believe maybe she really is . ive been checking her myspace and without posting pictures of her happy belly or her ultrasound i have no idea what the status of it is .

 

me and my bf are trying to get through it recently i found out that he found out that she's supposedly "having a boy" and he feels a little guilty for leaving her to do this on her own .and that if it is his baby its gonna grow up without a father ! he's the one that told me he didn't care what she did . if he didn't why would he look for her .and btw this OW is his ex gf before me.

 

anyways ive been thinking about life and what im going to do . do i want to live with a man who had a child with someone while with me? of course not how stupid could i be? but i think about well i do love him (i knoe after all of this i still do) and i have my child by him . i want a family but i dont know if this is what i want now

 

of course ultimately i have to make a decision if and when she does give birth if it is his and if i want to move on. but if i do leave and start new. am i letting her win by giving up my family because of this? this is what she wants because she wants to have a family with him. i dont want to go down without a fight but am i fighting a loosing battle?

 

HELLLLP

[safty]

Shame on you for getting pregnant with this guy in the first place. According to fertility clinics (been there), a normal couple has a 20% chance of conceiving every time they engage in intercourse. So, you decide if the engaged in intercourse once or many times. You probably will never know.

 

By the way, the guy does not care about you or your child that much. You are better off leaving him and filing for child support. Regroup and move on. There are plenty of men that if they love you will overlook the fact you have a child with someone else especially if you are open and honest about the situation.

Good luck!

[Meatyka]

I think you have it wrong Safty, she hasnt got the child.

[DN]

Shame on you for getting pregnant with this guy in the first place. According to fertility clinics (been there), a normal couple has a 20% chance of conceiving every time they engage in intercourse. So, you decide if the engaged in intercourse once or many times. You probably will never know.

 

By the way, the guy does not care about you or your child that much. You are better off leaving him and filing for child support. Regroup and move on. There are plenty of men that if they love you will overlook the fact you have a child with someone else especially if you are open and honest about the situation.

Good luck!

Safty, I think you may have misread the post - but in any event she is not here to be condemned for having a baby with her boyfriend but is asking advice about his having a baby with someone else.

 

ADVICEISGOOD - if this girl is going to have his baby then he is morally and ethically bound to support his child by her just as he is to support his child with you.

 

It is your decision as to whether to stay with him or not - but it would be wrong to make his abandoning the child a condition of you staying with him or to pressure him not to give support. The child has done nothing wrong and deserves a father and his support.

 

Of course, he should make sure the baby is actually his and ask for a paternity test.

[thejigsup]

There are no winners here. One of you is going to be raising a child on her own and one of you is going to be with a man who cheats. Such a choice! Why anyone would love this man is beyond me, but I guess you do. I wish you the best no matter what you decide.

[auburnslp]

Yes, tough spot no matter how you look at it.

 

Personally, I tend to go with the "once a cheater, always a cheater" philosophy. If it was me, I would leave him, file for child support, and find someone who would love you and your son and never do something like this to you. Believe it or not, there are guys like that out there...

[Crazyaboutdogs]

DN and thejigsup are right. If the child is his then he has a moral obligation to support that child just as he is supporting the child the two of you have together.

 

As for him, well, he is a cheater. Since this was an ex girlfriend, I highly doubt that this was simply a one night stand. Did the protection fail or did they not even use protection? You should both get tested for STDs. I don't think that this is a matter of winners and losers...if she ends up with him under these circumstances then whose to say he won't cheat on her. She will be the one looking over her shoulder waiting for the other shoe to drop. In other words, she will be where you are now...in pain, uncertain, not knowing where to turn.