I'm confused about her...

[setsuko1981]

I have indicated on my previous post that my supervisor and I had an argument. We also agreed that we'll leave each other alone (no contact) and work will be strictly professional. So with the help of 2 other people, we sorted out the problem; my job will never be endangered, as what happened was outside of work. (The only time that she will bring our past issue or involve my job security is if I do something bad to her, as in threaten her, harass her, etc.). I thought the whole thing was in the past...I might be wrong...

 

So as we agreed on, we left each other alone...I sent her a last email, indicating that "If everything was not back to the way it was--before we started going out, within the span of 1 month, I will leave the company. I will not explain myself to anyone, including the big boss." Obviously, one month is long enough for things to go back the way they were before. I mean, we're both adults;we can handle our situation as one.

 

There were things that I never indicated before. One is that I had threatened her--in writing. I never intentionally threatened her; I was angry at myself for pushing her away, I was so mad that all of my anger was eventually realeased, unfortunately, at her. Another is that she have many times told me that "she doesn't know what she is doing", meaning that she makes decisions without knowing what the concequences are, and she eventually regrets it.

 

Part of me feels that she knows that she made a mistake with her decision of ending her friendship with me. I can't bring it up again, because of the "harassment issue." I am torn and don't know what to do. Should I aske to be her friend again or not?

 

Within the past few days, I treat her as "just one of my co-workers", as in as co-workers that I don't usually talk to or do not talk at all--that's how we started--we don't speak with each other much. I know I'm wrong, but she makes me feel that she wants me back--as in she tries to catch my attention all the time. Not by flashing her legs or something to that extent. It makes me believe more about what I had indicated in the previous paragraph.

 

Yesterday, some co-workers and I decided to hang out after work--including the guy who kept on flirting with her before. This same guy "who's got the hots for her" had ask her out before (she said no before) and asked her out again, this time to hang out with us. I don't really care now, it they are the "official" or not. But she still said no. I'm not sure if the reason she said no is because, she knew I was going to be there or she wants me, not him to invite her. Whatever it was, I don't know.

 

Should I pursue her friendship again? What do you think, why she said no to the guy? What's your opinion on our situation?

[The Morrigan]

Honey - regardless of whether she has any interest for this other guy (and it sounds to me like he's in your boots from a month or so ago!) she's the same person she was. If you feel like things seem familiar - they do! And honestly, do you really want to go down the same road you already went down once? You seem like a sane enough guy - so I doubt it! She seems to have an issue herself - she wants to be liked as more than a coworker - and yet, can't handle or doesn't quite want to be LIKED. And you guys are getting conflicting signals because of her conflict. She wants to be liked as a person, and yet, she's not completely comfortable with personal attention once she attracts it. So... smile, wave, be nice - and stay at arm's length and then some. Don't make the mistake of making HER issues into YOUR issues. Since she seems to have no idea herself of what she wants or what her comfort zone is - see the bright striped "danger" tape around her and act accordingly. What she sees as "friendly and cool" one day she may see as "too much" the next, and that's not something you need to deal with. From what you've said, I can almost see a trail of very confused guys in her wake - take yourself out of her path and settle for "casually friendly" where a smile or wave returned is fine - but initiate nothing. Especially at work, this isn't a minefield you want to try to navigate!