safty Posted July 27, 2008 Share Posted July 27, 2008 Hello, I've been seeing this woman for almost three years now. Some things are going on that I'm having trouble making sense out of them because I think she is spinning facts. I love this woman deeply and fully believe she is my soulmate. Because of my feelings for her and what I hope would eventually be our future, I cannot speak with family or friends because I do not want to taint their opinion of her. Some history: I met her at work over 3 yrs ago. A co-worker introduced us. I was new to this work location, so I was polite and gracious. She did strike me and I felt something inside, but I did not think twice about it because I was going through a brutal divorce and custody battle ending a 13 year marriage. Several months later, I was at a co-worker's desk that was next to hers. He shared with me that this woman had three daughters and was married to an old guy (no offense). She was 37 he was 50. Anyway, I did not think much of it. A few months later, some I was with some friends out at dinner. I noticed her off in the distance as a waitress at the restaurant. My thought was: hmm I did not know she was a waitress and worked at company X too. Anyway, I focused on dinner with friends but had a distracted feeling inside. I did notice that as she walked by, she would look at our table but she did not approach us. When we left the restaurant, I was the last to leave as we walked through the bar area. She approached me an made sure I noticed her. She said "hi" and "have a nice evening." I responded with "well thank you" and "you have an nice evening too." Her face lit up as she approached me and her eyes were wide open and she was smiling. If I did not have to drive my friends home, I felt like I was indirectly invited to return to have a conversation. Anyway, I did not act on it. Several months later, we crossed paths as work and started talking about work related things. We had conversations over the next few days. She then told me she wanted to change jobs and wanted to know if I had openings. I said yes and introduced her to the team. I only saw her as proactively seeking a new assignment and not as a romantic gesture. One day we were speaking about cars. She mentioned what she drove. Likewise for me. We were with another person. She then mentioned that she thought her husband (the old guy, no offense) was about to file for divorce. I told her to keep her chin up and I was going through a brutal one. A few days later, she told me she was served with papers. I expressed empathy for her and commented that one day we will have to share war stories and chucked trying to lighten the mood. We then started communicating more and about a week later went on a date. Our relationship grew from there. Both of us completed our divorces. Anyway we grew quite closer and in fact I asked her to marry me. A little over a year later, she said she was unhappy with things. We were not spending a lot of time together. She had her daughters often, inclement weather came, I was traveling every other weekend to see my daughter. So, we talked about it and agreed to work on making more time for one another. We did not get that much time together after all. I would wait to see what she had going on before I made plans to fix my house and other personal stuff. It felt like out relationship was drifting apart. Anyway, after two years, I told her that some things needed to change. We were sending around 100 text messages a day. If I was at home working on my house, there would be flurries of text messages. If I was with my business partner (a man), she would bombard me with text messages. During work, after work, weekends, etc...bombardments of text messages. Of course I responded. I shared with her that this is consuming our times to do housework, etc. and we needed to slow down. I was concerned that too much of our communication was in the form of text messages and it was taking away from face-to-face communication. After 2 yrs, last October, I told her I wanted to end the relationship because I felt choked. We broke up but texting did not. She told me she went on a couple of dates. I started dating someone in December. While I was dating this women, I kept texting back. In January, I dumped the other women and went back to her. A month later, we broke up. She told me she had other options. I April, I started seeing another woman. My old girlfriend now kept telling me she had options. We, of course, rubbed this in each other's face. We decided to talk about getting back together in June and started talking rather than texting in June. I had dumped the other woman before starting talks about getting back together. Now you now about our history. Here are the issues that I see: When we were first dating, she told me she had men friends and not many woman friends. This was always the case for her going back to high school. She said she would never act on these relationships. They were just friends. Well, one time I was away visiting my daughter, a single man came to her house to visit her for 3 hours. She said he just stopped by. It just happened she was home alone without her daughters and I was out of town. We text through it. I told her it was ok if he stopped by unannounced and she did not have to be rude and tell him to go away. But I did say I was uncomfortable with the situation. I begs for questions. This happened again with another co-worker male who took a job at another company and was in the area for kareoke (?) night. He just stopped by to see how she was doing. He is a married male. She was home alone again. I told her I did not like this. It looks wrong and is putting her in a compromising position. My girlfriend had some male contacts in her personal contact list. She said it was not big deal. One night, she was out with friends while we were in a broken up period. We text each other that night. In fact she agreed to see me on her way home. She told me that this local stud aggressively tried to pick her up telling her to go home with him for the best sex she will ever have. She told me this. I could not tell if she was disgusted or excited. She said she thought it was funny and would never do anything with him. I asked her why she would even tell me this. She did not answer. A couple of days later she told me this stud called her on her personal cell phone to apologize. She said he was nice. She did not divulge any more details about her conversation with him. A while later, we got back together. I asked if she deleted the contact information of this stud and the couple of guys she dated. She said yes and had no plans to see them or contact them. I looked at her phone and the contacts were still in there. I gave her the phone and asked why she lied to me. She said she did not lie and proceeded to act as if she was deleting the names. We broke up again. On Thursday before Father's Day, we talked on the phone discuss whether we could make it over our issues. We had been texting and talking on the phone all along. That Thursday evening, i told her my brother was in town from overseas and that we would going out to the bowling alley to listen to a band. I told her I loved her during the call, she reciprocated and we did share that we thought we were soulmates. Less than one hour later, she text me that she had plans for Sat night too now. I asked via text what they were. She said she was going out with friends and she was glad to know where I was going so she would not go there. I asked how she did not have plans less than an hour ago then all of a sudden she does. I told her that I thought she had plans all along and as soon as she knew I was out of the way, she confirmed her plans. Sat night came. She was on my mind all day. My plans fell through. I text her and she said she was busy. Later I text her and she said she was home. I asked if I could come over. She said she the door is always open. I went to her house. She was asleep. I felt compelled to check her cell phone. I found text messages with a guy following up on the night out. It was unclear if this was a guy with her group of friends or if she went out solo with this guy. The text messages were about traveling safely in the fog. There was some missing texts right about the time I started texting. There was one from him stating 'oh no, be careful." That text came from him after I told her I wanted to come over. There was no outgoing text to him stating I was coming over. So, what did I do? I sent him a text asking if he got home safely and that I had a nice time from her phone. He responded in the morning that he had a nice time too and hoped to meet again. Keep in mind my girlfriend and I were talking about getting back together and that we loved each other. I sent back an encouraging message to see how he would respond. He sent one back. So, I let a text rip. I sent " I want you." He responded with "I want you too. I think about you all the time. I hope company policy doesn't jeopardize us wanting to see each other openly. I'm going to call Steve this morning to see if he'll pick up the tab for me to stay in town the next two nights in order to put in extra time to meet our work deadline. We'll see." So I asked my girlfriend (?) how her night out was. She said fine. I asked where she went. She said out for wings and beer. I told her my plans fell through and what went on during my night. I asked where she went. She would not reply. I asked how her friend Melissa was. She said Melissa wanted to go where I was so she did not go with them. I asked her where she went. She said she went out out on a business dinner with a supplier. I said that seemed odd to have a business dinner on a satuday night expecially set up at the last minute since her original plans she text me about fell through (or did they). She said the guy was stuck in town so he asked if they wanted to wrap up the work week with wings and beer. I said oh. You can tell me this because I have no issues with business meals. Then I asked what really went on with other probing questions. I told her that I thought she went on a date not a business dinner and that she was not being truthful to me. It then voluntarily came out that he asked her out and she said to him "that she did not know if they could see each other because of company policy." She said that was her way to tell him she was not interested in him. She later confessed that he kissed her goodnight. I felt she played us both. She told me she loved me, I was her soulmate, but acknowledged we had to work through issues. She told me she told this business acquaintance she was not interested, but told him about "policy" and let him kiss her good night. I think she signalled to him that she was interested, did not mention her relationship with me, and brought up policy because this guy represented a vendor that she worked with and wanted to protect her job. This came out when I showed her the text messages. We reconciled and got back together. She told me her privacy is extremely important to her and she did not like that I checked her phone. It is a major irritant to her. Well, last Monday evening, she caught me checking her phone. I told her why I did it. She said she cannot tolerate me checking her phone and has hence dumped me. I talked to my best friend locally about this because I am hurting. He told me that his brother told him when he saw that I was dating her at a party, that my girlfriend, a few years ago, applied for a job where he worked. He said the word in the office was that my girlfriend (this was before we dated) likes men. By the way, my girlfriend (?) has 3 daughters and was divorced twice. I love her. What should I do? Are my suspicions justified? Sorry for the long message. I'm emotionally out of sorts. Link to comment
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