Strange arousal problem...can anyone help?

[Eidan]

Well, I've thrown my own embarrassment to the wind, and come to the forum looking for some advice. I guess I'll get right to it.

I'm 19 years old, and in pretty good health. I am, by most standards, very easily aroused. Maybe I haven't outgrown adolescence completely, but it's not unusual for me to get between 3 and 6 erections per day (that I know about). Usually while driving or sitting in class, for some strange reason.

I've been dating a wonderful girl for four months now. And usually, when we're just fooling around, even if it's simply a small makeout session, I get incredibly aroused, no problems there. Almost embarrassingly so... anyway, on New Year's Eve we decided to have sex for the first time (both of us were virgins) And I found that while I was trying assorted moves on her in an attempt to heat things up, I completely lost my erection. Gone. Zippo. We took a minute so I could just relax, get the rest of the way out of my clothes and shift a little. It took about an hour before it came back, and when I was putting a condom on, it faded. After another little while I managed it again, and this time got the condom on without moving a whole lot- and it turned out to be an excellent first time for both of us, even for her. You see where the problem is, though. The next morning we did it again and I was fine. But two days later, we tried again, and I simply couldnt keep it up. And again later, the same problem. I cant understand it in the least. I'm incredibly attracted to her, she's absolutely gorgeous. This was something I dreamed about forever, and then I cant perform properly? That's a serious blow to the ego! What I wonder is- could thinking about it too much cause it to fade? flexing the muscle down there? what about simple positions before intercourse, could they restrict blood flow? Does masturbation affect how often you can get an erection? I know I'm reaching here, but I need something, anything to hopefully tell me I wont be a completely hopeless lover forever. You'd think some of this would be common knowledge...what can I say, I know loads about how to please her, almost nothing of myself. Any advice, comments, whatever are welcome and appreciated!

[S4il]

Well I'm still a virgin, But i have had oral sex, and I had a similar situation with a NOW friend i was dating in the past...one day she asked to see my (you know what) i said well I might need some help, She said "what do you mean" so you sort of know what happened, she took it out for me, and while she was giving me a hand job, just being curious, I lost everything, and i had >>

 

this i didn't find funny at all, but somehow I'm starting to laugh just thinking about it now..because well it's in the past and all..but i still occasionally see this ex of mine, and she has brought it up a few times, well ever since than it's been about the only thing being Brought up...

 

haha Get it.. (sorry Mod's)

 

 

You see i had NO problem with myself, Getting it up, but when she grabbed it, i Got really Nervous, i started to shake...i covered up by saying it was cold, funny how that was possible because it was the middle of the Summer..so i don't think she bought that excuse..But i still remember it like it was yesterday, and i look back to why it was hard to maintain an erection, And i think the only solid answer to that would be because i was nervous, NOW i have no problem I'm all Gravy down there for the mechanics.

 

So really i think that is what your problem was, just nervous, first time Jitters...! nothing more, over time that just goes away, and your more comfortable with her and yourself.

[Ash]

As S4il says, it's almost certainly nerves. From what you say, there's not a thing physically wrong with you.

 

Lots of things can make us nervous in the beginning, and later on for that matter. What if she thinks we don't look right? What if we don't match up to how she thinks we should look? What about our performance, maybe we'll be too quick? Or not do it right? Or she won't be excited? The list goes on. Did any of this stuff cross your mind?

 

An erection is caused by a chemical release in the brain, anything that causes nervousness can easily change that chemical release. Your brain does have to be in the right place roughly speaking for everything to work well.

 

Taking certain medications, and consuming alcohol can affect you. I assume this is likely not the issue. A drink or two can relax you, much more and it may inhibit your natural responses somewhat.

 

Spend a lot of time before you put that condom on. Have a really good session of foreplay. One thing I sometimes do is try to completely ignore myself, and concentrate on her. I'd bet if you did that for a few minutes, you'd find you didn't have an issue. It's not entirely unusual to go off slightly during the process of putting on a condom. Have her continue to do sexy things for you while you do this. Then, when it's on, go back to some more foreplay. One of the best things you can do is try to have as much skin to skin body contact as possible. Don't just use your hands, but lie touching her, right from ankle to shoulder, as much as possible. This will really get your endorphins flowing, it's largely an involuntary response, so you'll be generating some of the right chemical stimulus on purpose.

 

You said one thing that I noted, about flexing your muscles down there. This can actually cause a decrease in your erection. Clenching your PC muscles causes a temporary restriction of blood flow, resulting in a diminished erection momentarily. If you're flexing in an attempt to get it back, you're actually causing yourself to head in the wrong direction. Instead try to relax that area completely and let your body do it's thing autonomously.

 

Masturbation really has little to do with being able to get and maintain erections. It will teach you how your body reacts, so from that standpoint, i's helpful. Unless you masturbate immediately before being with your girlfriend, and have a longish refractory period for somebody your age, you should be fine.

 

You can be a good lover without actually ever having an erection. It isn't all about that one particular part of you. True, it would be highly missed, but it's not all there is. Consider two homosexual women together for an example of this. They get along just fine.

 

It's really just nerves. It'll pass. The less you worry, the sooner it will be in your past. Don't let it get to you. Just continue on making her ecstatic and I think you'll find there's no issue quite soon.

[Eidan]

Much appreciated, guys.

I keep telling myself to relax, and consciously, I dont feel that nervous around her at all...it must be a subconscious thing...I think I'll try a drink next time, though!

Thanks!