Run in with ex

[brian123]

I've been BU with my ex for 4 months now which came from a VERY strange BU and have been NC since

 

 

 

I've been healing, doing better, dating others etc since then.

 

Today I was out with a ton of friends and I get a tap on the arm and it is my ex. She came over because "she saw me and thought she should say hello." She seemed pretty nervous (as was I) we made some very brief small talk for a few minutes, and then I ended the conversation by hitting our beer mugs together lightly and telling her to have fun and walking away. I really wanted to continue speaking with her, but I also knew how much it hurt to be around her. I still really do miss her.

 

This run in brought back alot of feelings with the ex. Alot of feelings of sadness over what I had, and how deep down I'd like to reconcile, even though I don't see it happening.

 

I've been healing so well and now this set back.

[The Mad Pagan]

I found that instances like this didn't bring me truly back to 'square 1'. I was hurting again for a few days, then I went right back to feeling good again. Maybe that'll happen for you, too.

 

The wound has been slightly reopened, but it's probably not bleeding all over the place.

 

You'll be okay. Just keep doing what you're doing and let the chips fall where they may.

[Stars_n_Guitars]

It was very nice of her to come over and say hello and to make small talk on top of that. I understand how devastating this could be for your healing, if you choose to let it be. Just take it as a step to healing. It didn't kill you seeing her. And I'm sure it made you feel better that she bothered to say anything to you at all, means she's not totally indifferent to you. But just take it as it was...a brief meeting...a brief moment that your lives intersected again...that's all you can take it as. You'll do great!

By the way, it ALWAYS seems that when you are finally getting over your ex, they show back up! 'Tis the way the universe works...weird, i know.

[kuhl282000]

tough one man ....i go out now after breaking up and i think the last thing I could handle would be running into my x .....it would hurt to much .....

 

They move on .......and somehow you and I will to. We were lucky to have them even if it were just for a short time in our lives.......very few stay forever.

[brian123]

I don't think I am back to square one, but it knocked my healing back a bit. I think the hardest part is the weird reason why we broke up and how she openly left the door open for a relationship again once she got better. Her last real communication with me a few months ago was an email which ended with "Hopefully I can get better mentally so maybe we can have a relationship again one day. I love you" It made healing take that much longer for me.

 

Like I said, I am not expecting us to get back together, I've been moving on with my life, but I'd rather to never have contact with her again. If we were to never to get back together again. It's sad, but it's been 4 months and I still have feelings for her.

 

I always feared the day when I'd run into her again. All things considered, I think I handled well and acted pretty appropriatly.

 

Frusterating because I thought I was over all this, and it started back up again like this.

 

Everyone think I handled the conversation well/myself well?

[brian123]

And I'm sure it made you feel better that she bothered to say anything to you at all, means she's not totally indifferent to you. But just take it as it was...a brief meeting...a brief moment that your lives intersected again...that's all you can take it as. You'll do great!

.

 

 

Earlier in the day, I spotted her in the corner of my eye and I made it a point to avoid her. I pretty much just left the area. Shaken up, but intact. I found it weird how she kept saying "I felt I should just come over and say hi"

 

Right after the BU I asked her a few times to go out for coffee just to talk (I was worried about her b/c she was so mentally sick and she had mentioned suicide) and she kept replying with "I can't see you, I need to get better. My feelings are just too strong for you now." And now she made it a point to come up to me because "She felt like she should just say hello"?

 

I've been nothing but confused for the last couple of months.

[brian123]

I guess it is so hard because it made me remember how much I miss her and how much I miss the times we spent together. I've been more or less fine the last couple of months, but old wounds were re-opened.

 

I second guess myself as to whether or not I should have spoken with her more, gave her a hug/let her know it was nice to see her. IDK, very confusing

[Godwin]

I still get that feeling when I se emy ex from 10 years ago. Dont think it will ever go away.

 

Dreading seeing my ex of 7 years again, we split 11 weeks ago and while I have healed significantly seeing her will mess us both up BIG TIME.

 

I know she is working in town this week and I will see her car parked up as I drive for my lunch, I hope I dont see her, as I will freak out.

[HoTung]

hey i saw my nearly 8 weeks ago for the first time in 3 months and i felt rubbish. All the emotions came back and i just felt hurt, anger and upset again. i then asked for NC and have been since then and now he has found a new gf in that time - just goes to show how fickle they can be

 

i think its a good thing he has meet someone new and its someone i confided into as its given me the kick to move on. I don;t need these poeple in my life.

 

So you never know this brief meeting may be a kick to you moving on

[brian123]

It is most frustrating to me because I was just getting over her. I was at my strongest point in a long while. I even remember thinking that Saturday a few hours before I saw her. Heck, I've even been focusing on other girls for the last 2 months. Now this has been bothering me since then. I can't get her off my mind again.

 

I am not sure what I want out of her. A huge chunk of me still wants her back. A bigger part of me still wonders what happened to break us up. The confusion has been worse than anything.

 

I kept it very cordial with her, ended the conversation soon and didn't hug her or anything. I second guess myself as to what I should have said/done. Should I have hugged her? Should I have been friendlier with her?

 

It was just a tiny conversation, and I'm betting that it didn't affect her one bit, but it has rocked me for the last couple of days.

 

I know it is not the right thing to do, and I won't do it, but I almost want to contact her now and use Saturday as an in.

 

A few days ago, certain small reminders about her did not bother me one bit, now they bring me back to the hurt.

[life_hard]

me too, I bumped into my ex last week 3 times in one day... we work in the same building but for different company... and the last time he was acting cool and he said: "we haven't seen each other in a long time and today we saw each other 3 times" and he was stopping to say that and I think he wanted to talk longer.. I just kept my momentum and kept on walking and I said "yeah, isn't that odd".... i didn't have any intension of stopping to chat up with him... none....

 

but in his last email to me about 5 weeks ago, he said he dread seeing me in the building, cos I think it brings up the wound and pain for him... why else would someone dread seeing the other person? Cos there is feelings still there.... it is only when someone doesn't care, then they don't dread it....

[brian123]

Thanks for the kind words all. Yea, I do think I did ok. I could have done much worse.

 

I stopped thinking about her for a few months really while I focused on other girls, and then a few days ago, I started to think about her again briefly and miss her.

 

IDK, everything was just so confusing about the BU, I am still confused over everything.

 

The only fear I have really is if I totally sent her the signal that I am really no longer interested in giving it another go at some point down the road, because a small part of me is. (Yes I know, the stars would have to align and we'd have to iron a TON out) We basically BU because she admittedly needed to grow/fix herself and mental issues she was having. She was a great person/companion when she wasn't having her problems.

 

IDK, it was such a weird BU, i felt like I've been nothing but confused about it the last few months and it sent me into a funk.