Rochelle Posted July 26, 2008 Share Posted July 26, 2008 So here I am again folks....it's been awhile...and yes, I could use some advice. When we first got together, he was wonderful, very caring, sent me sweet songs that reminded him of me...already ready to marry me practically.... I was very scared, having just gotten out of a bad relationship myself about 7 months earlier, wanting only to date really, and then we got serious. He was going thru some things...i should have known how he was really, becuase on our first date he spent most of the time talking negatively about his life, his ex wife, his job....everything. I even felt like wow I don't think this guy is for me. I try to see things very positively, that everything will be ok but you have to work for it....blah blah blah....anyway... So a few months after we were together I noticed things started changing, other then the usual negativity, which he and now I was noticing his family, had alot of. I'm very cheery and see the brighter side of things, and tried to help him see this too, but he felt he was just more logical and I was more impulsive. At any rate, this was our "honeymoon" phase and while I was trying to show him more of my love, in words, ex: I would say I'd do anything and go anywhere if i knew i had his love....his response was that he might not be "emotional" enough for me and he didn't want me to "settle" for him if that was the case. He said that I should understand that he doesn't "miss" people, or attach to people...when people die,etc he doesn't get over emotional...he just doesn't feel that way,and doesn't know if it has to do w/ his past or what but that's how he is, he said. I was sooo hurt. He went from wanting to marry me to wanting to take it one day at a time. I found myself being more laid back after this, saying to myself whatever happens happens, i can't force him to want to be w/ me or show me more emotion/love. Even though, remember, this is what he promised and swore he was like when we first were getting together. He seemed to respond better to this...and we kept things jokey and light. But in my heart, I still felt like this wasn't what it was supposed to be...as long as I kept it light and easy, didnt come to him w/ any issues or point out that all I wanted was for him to atleast meet me half way, or just occasionally do something nice or small....he was fine....everything ran smoothly. I felt like i was losing myself in this and he was taking more and more advantage. He'd done a few insensitive things along the way as well, but i won't get into all that....just want to get to the point really now.... At anyrate, we'd been living together and i'd finally worked up the nerve to ask him ,as we have to move soon out of this house, if i was looking for a place for one or two (something that if youre relationship was secure, you wouldn't need to ask...if that tells you anything). He said he didn't know. He started crying and hugging me, saying he is so confused about what he wants and how can he feel this way at his age (37)....how can he not be ready to settle and want a family and said maybe it was becuase he was soo responsible when he was younger, marrying young and doing the grown up thing for soo long,that he'd never had a youth...he also said that i deserve all those good things, that i'm an incredible girl.... I said so what now and he said well it's not like i'm leaving tomorrow (we still have a few months in this house we're in). I said that that's not how I work, that if we are not an "us" anymore then I needed to be away from him, not living w/ him as if everything was normal....crying and feeling horrible...he seemed shocked at this. His sis flew in for the weekend becuase they are having an older family member passing on, and she stayed w/ us. So all weekend I had to hide my devistation....he totally acted different. Was all playful, and teasing me, wrestling w/ me, kissing on me....everything he'd been doing, as if the convo never happened. But he never took anything back, never said he made a mistake, so i still took it that we weren't an us anymore. I cried in our room everynight while he hung out w/ his sister. He came in and saw me and i sent him away....he came back later to check on me again and i was short w/ him. All along he'd been following me around all weeknd, checking on me....and i was quite. His sis had no idea what was going on. I kept it that way. While we talking over dinner one of the night his sis brought up taking inventory of one's life and how she's been retrospective lately and i said i was too...he came in on the tail end of that and wanted to know what i'd said....i told him and he said he knew he wanted to be a kid again...that's his retrospective feelings lately. He came to me later that night and asked me what was up w/my crying last night....asked if hed' done something wrong (!?, ok). I told him i'd been stressed lately and he said he hadn't meant to make me stressed. Then he wanted me to take a shower w/ him...he hung out w/ me most of that night...flirting and playing w/ me...this was killing me agian....not making me feel better. Each night he would wrap himself around me before we fell asleep. Every morning before he left all wknd he'd kiss me goodbye and ask me if he'd see me later....this was unusual, as he wasn't in the habit of asking if he'd see me later.... The morning he took his sis to the airport, and then he was off to work, i took the day to pack some things and move out. The house is mine but i wrote him a long email that said he could have it for a few weeks to get some checks together and get an aprt. I even laid out a few aprts that were running specials and were cheap monthly. I have friends to stay w/ during this time and he doesn't...he moved here from another city to be w/ me. The email was full of kind things, those matter of fact. I told him that I couldn't be around him knowing we are not an "us" anymore, knowing that he needs to go out there and find out who he is and what he really needs and if it's being a kid agian, then that's ok. I told him i'd always have a special place for him in my heart and that i was sad for all the things we won't be doing together anymore. It was firm, but nice. This was 5 days ago. he has not responded, nothing. NOt even to cuss me out, nor to thank me, nada! My roomies, who i emailed asking if they'd seen him the night he woudl have gotten home and seen the email, said they saw him when they got in. That he was reading an email and his head was down and his shoulders heaving...he looked like he was crying. They also said the nights following that he'd not spoken much to them at all except at one point to ask them about their new aprt. they are moving into this weekend. Other then that, they hadn't seen him much thru the evening. I'm just baffled as to why he would say nothing at all to me...i don't expect a declaration of anything, but nothing at all?! Anyone have any insight on why he might have done this...?? I"m truly at a loss.... Link to comment
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