gigglyfreedom Posted July 25, 2008 Share Posted July 25, 2008 Hey, Ive been wondering this lately... you know how people say that 'love comes (romantic love) when you least expect it/arent looking for it'? to what degree do you agree with this? .. my intention is not to spoil the 'niceness' haha and 'poetic' aspect of the idea, but .. i was thinking that in any case, its probably true for ONE of the lovers, but not the other, right? after all, one does the 'pursuing' usually (so its not like a 'surprise' for one of them) if the 'love' occurs... after all, they did start off 'looking for it'/trying to make the other fall in love with him/her... right? what do you think of all this? is the statement really true? any personal experiences or anything at all, comments or ideas would be cool. people say that if you're actively 'looking for love', it will never happen - does that mean if i wanted to 'seduce' someone, lol, id have to constantly be thinking: no, dont look for love here, it wont happen, it wont happen... so that it does? I KNOW IT SOUNDS SILLY hahaha but it IS what people say... :S thanks!! Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted July 25, 2008 Share Posted July 25, 2008 I think so, everytime I havent been looking for someone I've found someone lol Link to comment
Daligal83 Posted July 25, 2008 Share Posted July 25, 2008 I take it more to mean that I need to get out and do my own thing, enjoy my life and be me, and someone will come along. I don't do absolutely nothing though. I have to at least be out there to find someone. Sitting at home won't do it haha. So I'm just trying to get out there more, but not expecting to find someone or getting disappointed when it doesn't happen. I mean, if I'm going to sit and read my book, it's better to go to a coffee shop to read it rather than sit at home. But it's not about looking for someone at the coffee shop, rather than just being out there, ready for it to happen. Link to comment
maka56 Posted July 25, 2008 Share Posted July 25, 2008 Well I met my first love (ex now) when I wasn't looking and when I least expected it, so maybe it is true. Link to comment
tiredofvampires Posted July 25, 2008 Share Posted July 25, 2008 people say that if you're actively 'looking for love', it will never happen - does that mean if i wanted to 'seduce' someone, lol, id have to constantly be thinking: no, dont look for love here, it wont happen, it wont happen... so that it does? I KNOW IT SOUNDS SILLY hahaha but it IS what people say... :S thanks!! I don't think it's "silly", but the way you're presenting it is oversimplified in my opinion. The "advice" behind that oft-quoted statement is not to go around repeating "wil not think about love, will not think about love, will not think about pink elephant sitting in the middle of the room, out out, damn spot, I will not think of you!" That's just mental shenanigans and a very superficial attempt at denial, at best. That has nothing to do with what the statement means. I think if you were to buy into this concept, what it would require is to live with a gusto for life that you find nourishing and fulfilling even without the ingredient of a partner -- and to enter upon each day doing what it is you do towards that end, without a hankering need to try to ferret out someone to get involved with. Not that you would push the opportunity away, but nor are you living in a way that is focused on "making" this happen. You are doing your thing basically, and being happy doing it....and leaving the door open for opportunity to enter. Personally, I find a lot of value in this way of living and viewing the "search for love." I really do believe that when one is just open to life without an agenda, this translates into things being allowed to flow more naturally. There isn't desperation, there is a kind of curious optimism that is just expansive. And I do think desperation is something like an herbicide -- it kills new sprouts even before they break the surface of the soil. I've found that the people I've gotten to know and love that have been the most lasting came accross my path when there was no agenda on EITHER side. We were just two souls who found a sense of belonging with eachother, and it grew from there. And continued to grow. So I would also disagree with the notion that one person has to be the "pursuer" with an agenda and the other is the "pursued" who has no expectations. Two people could just run into eachother on their bikes and have a laugh and from there on in, become inseparable. Those are the keepers, I've found. Now if there is chemistry between them, of course a desire will develop from there. But this might be completely mutual. And having started by what would seem total randomness (even though I am less and less convinced of randomness in the Universe.) I would add though that while I think for the most part, it's helpful to see love as something that you don't "expect" (expectations in general are a pretty flimsy state of affairs), you also can make efforts to place yourself in conducive environments. I mean, it stands to reason that if you are sitting at home channel surfing from dawn to dusk, or sitting in a cubicle all day and going straight home to read yourself to sleep, you are really reducing your chances of finding that serendipidous moment when love might arrive "unexpectedly." Finally....if you want to "seduce" someone, I hardly think that qualifies as going into the romance scene free of an agenda. And I don't even think that if someone tried to seduce me, even if I wasn't looking for love myself (and I'll add, even if I thought this guy had it going on), I would still see it for what it is: he's not trying to find love. He's trying to get laid. I can't imagine a more antithetical (and irrelevant) response to the proposition, "Love comes when you least expect it." Link to comment
Parsley Posted July 25, 2008 Share Posted July 25, 2008 I've found it to be true. Had decided about a month or so before I met my first boyfriend that I just wanted to live and not worry about whether or not a guy liked me...and then he appeared and we were together 2.5 years. My ex..I was half heartedly looking...and he turned out to be the biggest mistake of my life. My current boyfriend and I met when I was definitely not looking, and not expecting. I met him and thought he was fit, but told myself "He won't notice you, and if he did nothing will happen, so don't bother" Lucky my friends convinced me otherwise. I don't think it means within a relationship...I think it refers to meeting someone who you will genuinely have a connection with, rather than being in love with someone and the chances on you falling in love or not. I think that when you're not looking for love or even looking for a fling, you're a lot more at ease with yourself, and act a lot more naturally than you do when you're out on the pull or whatever, and it is apparent, and will be picked up on by those who are like you...in a conversation where you aren't trying to impress a potential partner, you're comfortable and saying what you mean. If that person is like you, they'll see it....you get where it goes from here. Link to comment
girl68 Posted July 25, 2008 Share Posted July 25, 2008 I believe it to be yes. I was heartbroken, and doing stupid things to make up for it. Wasn't interested in long term... just having fun being young, single and fabulous. Love hit me in the face, knocked me over and I haven't recovered since! (As in I'm still completely consumed by love nearly 2 years later) Link to comment
livefree Posted July 25, 2008 Share Posted July 25, 2008 My boyfriend & I found eachother when we both were avoiding love or anything remotely serious. Actually, even after we met, we were both adamant about it staying unserious. Almost a year later, we can't get enough of eachother. Yes, it is loooove. Depends on the people, and the timing. Same idea as when you lose the tv remote--you might find it as you frantically search every corner of the room, or you might find it after you give up and reach under your couch cushion a few weeks later. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted July 26, 2008 Share Posted July 26, 2008 I don't believe it at all. People will tell you that in order for you not to give up hope about finding someone...on the hand other people will then turn around and tell you that if you don't actively look for love you won't find it. There are plenty of people (myself included) who have done both the looking and the not looking (in other words supposedly it will happen when I am not expecting it because I am focused on other things)...well, it hasn't happened no matter which road I take. Some people are just not meant to have the love of a partner and no matter if you search or focus on other things, it just won't happen because it was not in the cards for you. That's just life. Link to comment
TheSmilingTurnip Posted July 26, 2008 Share Posted July 26, 2008 I was dating and had determined that if the lunch date on my calendar that day didn't work out, then I was done. So I went to the lunch date and talked for two hours. This guy was really good looking and I'm not necessarily top drawer, so I thought, well I'm sure that'll be it and I'm done. Lo and behold, he called back and asked for another date... and another... and another... and another... and fifteen months later, we're planning to marry. Link to comment
Nixee Posted July 26, 2008 Share Posted July 26, 2008 I don't know... in my experience so far it has certainly been true. I've loved a few times, but I'd really only say I've felt that head over heels feeling twice, and I certainly wasn't expecting it or really looking for it either time when I realized I felt it. Perhaps part of the big love and romance has been the spontaneity of it all. When you are looking and trying so hard, sometimes it feels less romantic, and more like a job. I do think though that no matter if you are in search of it or if it just finds you and knocks you on the bum, you have to be open to love for it to come into your life. Sometimes it can come knockin', but if the timing is off, or things just aren't right... the pieces won't fall into place... even if the person might have been worth loving. I've had a few unrequited stories like that. Link to comment
D_Lish Posted July 26, 2008 Share Posted July 26, 2008 In my experiences, it has been true also. That certain someone has always came along, when I havn't been looking and when I've least expected it. Link to comment
nicschic Posted July 26, 2008 Share Posted July 26, 2008 YES!!! It is definelty true!!! I got out of a horrible relationship and didn't want nothing serious.. I dated him for a while just for fun.. never thinking we'd get serious Link to comment
Brokenhearted1607307810 Posted July 27, 2008 Share Posted July 27, 2008 I think it does too.. I met my last significant other when i was casually dating someone else and not looking for a seriousl relationship - we were together for 5 years. I came out of that relationship pretty battered and bruised emotionally, and didnt manage to find that spark with anyone else for a long time. I decided to give in on trying to find love, deciding i had been to badly hurt to ever allow myself to care for anyone ever again; and WHAM !. One guy pops into my life and Im head over heels when i least expected it ! Link to comment
KittyKatNPZ Posted July 27, 2008 Share Posted July 27, 2008 Hey, Ive been wondering this lately... you know how people say that 'love comes (romantic love) when you least expect it/arent looking for it'? to what degree do you agree with this? .. It's true! If you look for love, you won't find it. Love finds you when you're satisfied with your own life, or when you're afraid of it, or when you've given up hope of finding it, but it's not there when you try to make it be there! Link to comment
chocolate-cake Posted July 27, 2008 Share Posted July 27, 2008 I deffo believe its true, everyone who trawls through link removed etc or begs friends to set them up is so obsessed with meeting someone that the needyness may push them away. Or when ur having 6 dates a week all ur thinking about is DATES so u cant convey to the person ur on a date with stuff about urself that u did that week for urself or to better urself becos u were just dating... I met bf when i was focusing on myself because i ended crappy relationsips a few months prior and he always says how my personality attracted him because everytime he called me i would tell him something new and insightful and he knew i was a strong woman. So tips on how to find a bf= love urself and dont think about meeting someone. Link to comment
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