Mayday11 Posted July 25, 2008 Share Posted July 25, 2008 Hello, everyone! After reading through all sorts of posts here (and going through a lot of it myself), I just wanted to give people a little reminder... True love isn't taking someone out to a nice dinner. True love isn't holding someone in your arms. True love isn't passionately kissing someone. True love isn't giving someone flowers. True love isn't saying "I love you". True love isn't being by someone's side every second. True love isn't waking up next to someone and watching them sleep. True love isn't watching the sun set together. True love isn't sharing your inner most secrets with someone. True love is having the strength to let go of every last one of those things so that the person you care most about can be happy. Good luck, everyone. Link to comment
soulmeetsbody Posted July 25, 2008 Share Posted July 25, 2008 True love will eventually let go... ...after a festival of neurotic outbursts and a a fair share of cinematic psychosis Link to comment
Mayday11 Posted July 25, 2008 Author Share Posted July 25, 2008 True love does not exist. True love is something that you have to find for yourself. If you say it doesn't exist, you haven't found it. Link to comment
Mayday11 Posted July 25, 2008 Author Share Posted July 25, 2008 I don't really get it? Wanting to be with someone is, quite bluntly, a selfish desire. You want them to be with you. You can dress it up all you want by saying that you want to be with someone for their happiness, but it's still something you want. But what would you do for the person you love the most? Would you jump in front of a bullet for them? Would you give up everything in the world for them? Would you step back, wish them luck in their life and let them be happy if that is what would make them so? If you answered yes to these, that is true love. Being able to resist every selfish urge, being able to swallow your pride and being able to give up your most precious thing (them) so that they can be happy. This is why people actively attempting to get their exes back will ultimately fail. They may think they love their ex, but it's ultimately about themselves and what they want and their exes can see that. This is why the best way to have your loved one come back is to show them just how much you love them...by letting them go and find happiness, even if it's without you. Link to comment
Zeter Posted July 26, 2008 Share Posted July 26, 2008 May, I agree with you wholeheartedly, but may I ask a cynical question? Do you reflect upon this as a dumper or dumpee? Zeter ('ee) Link to comment
Kahdeksan Posted July 26, 2008 Share Posted July 26, 2008 I'm with Zeter on this one, I too agree wholeheartedly with, Mayday. Dare I say, dumpee? Who's won their love back? Link to comment
Iakasot Posted July 26, 2008 Share Posted July 26, 2008 True love is something that you have to find for yourself. If you say it doesn't exist, you haven't found it. Not really, the way you defined true love is still selfish, and still just a way of dressing up attraction to a person in such a way that you're in denial about it being selfish. Link to comment
Infin1ty Posted July 26, 2008 Share Posted July 26, 2008 True love is not something that can be put into words, it is such a hard thing to explain that there really is no way to do it. When you find true love you will know, and trust me it does exist, and when you do find it, you will know what I'm talking about, it really is impossibly to explain. I know I've found my true love, I'm just waiting for her to come back to me Link to comment
Mayday11 Posted July 26, 2008 Author Share Posted July 26, 2008 I'm with Zeter on this one, I too agree wholeheartedly with, Mayday. Dare I say, dumpee? Who's won their love back? Yes, currently the dumpee and no, she has not returned. Dated for two and a half years, known each other for nearly a decade, but three months ago she came down with a case of the 'grass is greener' syndrome. The more space I've given her, the more she's reached out to me, starting from the occasional email asking how life is, to more recent ones talking about how she misses me. I have initiated no contact...yet I have yet to go more than six days since the breakup without her emailing me. But, I've had the support of my friends and what I wrote above is the general consensus among them when it comes to having an ex return. My very good friend is happily married to his wife for two years now. They dated for three years, he broke up with her to seek greener pastures, they both dated other people, then got back together after a year. My sister and her boyfriend split up (she broke up with him) and he wished her the best and dropped off the face of the earth. She dated someone else, but eventually found herself wanting to be with her ex. They ended up getting back together and have been together for a year now. Most of my previous exes have come back (after breaking it off with me), but I didn't feel too much of a connection with them to want to reconcile. Some came back 6-9 months later, one came back two years later. All of these times, I just let them go (easier said than done, I know). I've heard time and time again on these boards that reconciliation is a rare thing in relationships. From my life, I've found that it happens quite often (or, at least the opportunity for it). But never have I seen it happen when the dumpee fails to respect the decision made by the dumper, due to selfishness ("I NEED them to be with ME!"). Link to comment
Mayday11 Posted July 26, 2008 Author Share Posted July 26, 2008 Not really, the way you defined true love is still selfish, and still just a way of dressing up attraction to a person in such a way that you're in denial about it being selfish. There is absolutely nothing selfish about letting someone go. If you do it purely with the intention of having them come back and not because you respect them and love them, then that is selfish, yes. Link to comment
Kahdeksan Posted July 27, 2008 Share Posted July 27, 2008 Aw, I'm a softy for good news like this, I truly hope that it all works out for you and your loved one. I had true love for my ex, but I was put into a complicated dynamic.... you see she was unfaithful with me, had cheated on me with several guys in our time together. It took every ounce of love in me to forgive her.... and when I finally did, it was such a BIG relief to be able to live with her past and history. She lived with me, and had no other friends because she moved out of state, she felt like she was suffocating, felt trapped because all she had was me... I knew how much this had pained her, and so I let her go, I said to myself if I truly love her, then I have to let her go. But there was one thing stopping me, if I let her go to, she might go back to her old ways... anyways it was decided that she should go back to her parents and friends, and she decided that she'd come back to me in two months time. When she got back home, and we've been talking for quite sometime it all seemed good. Then one day I call and her dad picks up the phone to deliver me the break up news... I was devastated, absolutely devastated! After a while I contacted her mobile and we talked, she said to not contact her anymore and not to even stay as friends... A few days before her trip to her vacation I call her and we talked, and she brought up the topic of my groupies, who are known to have an interest for me. I told her that there is no one like her, no one with her intelligence and demeanor because she was so fun to be around with. But she reassured me that I'll find someone better... but in the end she said we'd talk after she comes back from her vacation. So now we've broken up, and she's currently on a vacation and won't be back for another two weeks. Link to comment
freaknp Posted July 27, 2008 Share Posted July 27, 2008 I was recently dumped by my gf who cheated on me. In my times of reflection I wrote this about true love and want to share it with you all. Love is not just a feeling. It’s not getting swept off your feet. It’s not the feeling of butterflies in your stomach. Or yearning for or missing your lover all the time. True love is both a commitment and sacrifice. It means you are willing to put the needs of the one you love before yourself. It means when the one you love is hurt, it is more painful than being hurt yourself. It means you will always be there for your lover, when times are good and especially when times are bad. But, true love does not necessarily last forever. It cannot be taken for granted. It is not unconditional and it must be nurtured and taken care of. Two lovers must make sure to focus on each other and ensure that their every need is met. They must keep in mind that love is a luxury that they must fight for to keep. They must take care of themselves firstly and be happy on their own so that they can truly love one another. Routine and time can slowly whittle away at love and unknowingly love can fade if it is not made a priority in one’s life. This is the definition of love that can create lasting marriages and happy families. It is not the fairy-tale romantic love that movies and books speak of. It doesn’t happen at first sight. It is a conscience decision made by an individual when they meet someone they would give their life for. And they will have to give their life to that special person, if they truly want this love to last forever. Link to comment
Iakasot Posted July 27, 2008 Share Posted July 27, 2008 I'm very touched by this. I sincerely hope you can meet someone who can treat you better than your ex. Times of self reflection can really help you gain some perspective, and what you wrote here shows it a lot more than my crappy poetry. It's annoying how they raise us to believe love is something else, and give us an unrealistic sense of it in the media, isn't it? Link to comment
coldplay. Posted September 15, 2008 Share Posted September 15, 2008 Bump. Really is making me examine my outlook on things. Link to comment
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