Bf working with Ex-Gf

[thatdoggirl]

I've been going out with my boyfriend for almost 11 months now. We're serious and we have lived together since the end of last September. He works at the school I go to and I used to visit him a lot after classes during the beginning of our relationship. He enjoyed me stopping by to visit plus I'd usually give him a ride back home since that was before he had a car. One day back in October I texted saying I'd be stopping by and he said that there was someone visiting him so that I didn't have to. But I got a weird feeling because he wasn't being clear with me so I decided to stop by anyway. Turns out the person that was visiting happened to be his ex girlfriend from a few years ago and she was up at the school that day and decided to visit him. She introduced herself and seemed alright but I couldn't shake that feeling. He said after she left that he felt uncomfortable.

 

Funny thing is I met one other ex of his at a christian group thing and she was really nice and I don't feel weird about her at all. My bf even went with a group and she was there in the group as they went to a festival. I was at work that day so I couldn't go. This was back around that time as well. But anyway, I was fine with all of that.

 

Back to the other ex that showed up at his work that day... a couple months later he went to his parents house one weekend and then one night on his way back he texted me saying that he'd be home late. I said okay. He didn't come back that night so I was kinda worried and I had work that day. I came home that night and he said he got back in the afternoon and that he had stopped by his friend's house and spent the night. That friend happened to be that ex that visited him at work. Appearantly she had a boyfriend at the time who was there as well. So there was other people in the house. I trusted him that he didn't do anything and I just know he didn't. I was just bothered by the fact that he went to her house and spent the night and didn't even think to let me know until after it happened.

 

Whenever that ex gets brought up somehow in conversation he always says like all the negative things about how they always fought and how it was a very emotional time in his life. He still seems like he has regrets and still seems angry about his past and their relationship. Which kind of makes me feel uneasy.She is now still with that one boyfriend she had and they are engaged to be married in October.

 

My boyfriend has been needing a second job and he told me the other day that she texted him to tell him where she had a job and said he should visit her at work sometime. He told me that he had no interest in doing that. However, yesterday he decides to tell me that he found a job he could mostlikely get because he knows someone who works there. Yep... it's the job that she works at.

 

I told him I thought it was cool about the job but that I felt uncomfortable with him working with her. He said that I should have to worry since she is getting married this fall and that nothing would happen. I said I know but I'm still uncomfortable about it. He asked if he should get the job or not and I told him that I wanted him to get the job if he wants it and that I wasn't going to hold him back based on my feelings. He tells me that he isn't sure yet if he wants the job based off the fact that the job would be kind of dangerous. I'm still thinking about it and how much I want to just change my mind and tell him not to get the job. I don't know if that would be right though either. I really don't know what to do.

[isilv3r]

Wow...i had the exact same problem. My girlfriend was looking for another job and applied at the government. Her ex boyfriend kept texting her with job opportunities and she'd apply to them. Finally, she got an interview and got the position...working WITH him! Our relationship was perfect at the time but as soon as they started working together, the phone calls started...the texting started...they started meeting up for an innocent outing down town but wouldn't come back for hours. I didn't trust it all, although I trusted her so I let it happen. I told her b4 she started working there that this was going to be a problem but she denied it. I wanted to say so bad to her not to take this job but it would've been extremely selfish of me to hold her back. She had wanted a government job for so long. So instead, I tried to be positive. They spent a little too much time together and now we're split up bcuz she's confused as to who she should be with. She says she loves me but she never had that closure with him and needed to find out if he had changed after 5 yrs being together. Almost a month later, she's still trying to figure it out? ...I didn't push her but i didn't tell her not to go either. You just have to let life work it's way and if it's meant to be..it will be.

[nicky8989]

AH. Same problem with me too. I warned my bf...told him what would happen and how i was SOOO uncomfortable with it. He did it anyway, and it really destroyed our relationship even further.

 

I believe that past ex's, should be in the past. Working with them is ASKING for trouble, esp if it was a long term relationship or one that meant alot. If he takes the job, then so be it, but so there is NO confusion, i would tell him exactly how you feel about the situation.

[Jelina]

I am just having a hard time understanding why he would hang out with her and work with her when he supposedly had very negative feelings towards their relationship. I think sometimes boyfriends lie and say negative things about their ex's so that the current gf won't feel uncomfortable; to make you feel better. Do you think that he still sorta has feelings for her? In my opinion the only thing that would make me feel better about this situation is that she is getting married. But still be careful, married and engaged people still do cheat.

[thatdoggirl]

Well, I told him more about how I felt about everything and why I was so uncomfortable. He told me that he doesn't think about the past really anymore when it comes to their relationship and that over time they've just sort of developed a friendship. He says she only texts him maybe every couple of months or so. He said he's not sure about the job yet anyway since the job with be kind of dangerous (it's a security job) but that he can't really be picky with job choices right now. The thing is... he hasn't applied to any other jobs, but oh well.

 

After that we got to talking about a lot of other issues we've been having lately. With him needing space and time to hang out with friends and me trying to do that and trying to find friends for myself as well. So I admit I've kind of been pushing him away lately with wanting some attention from him because I feel that he hasn't been giving me any attention lately and that I put in all this effort to just try to find a time to spend time together. But I've realized that I really really need to just back off and give him space and wait til he comes around if that's what he decides.

 

We discussed a possible break and I don't want to but I told him I would if he needs it. Right now he just said he needs time to think so I'm going to give him time. I don't even know if we're on a break right now or what. I'm pretty depressed right now over it because I really love him and he said he's not sure if he feels the same right now. That he loves me but not as much as he thought he did months ago. I'm scared of the future beause I really don't want to break up but if that is what he wants I'll have to do that. Muh. I never thought this would happen.

 

I'm trying to be positive and I'm going to try and just focus on making new friends. Luckily, I met a girl recently that I might be able to hang out with often so that is good. Plus I'm trying to get ahold of some old friends just to see if they want to talk and catch up a bit.