How can I stop thinking a certain way to save my relationship?

[reneex061]

I've been with my boyfriend for over a year and a half. We're really serious about this and we both want this to work in the long run. The only problem is that we argue a lot and I think it's from lack of communication and also some of the stuff I do. Well one of the main things that I do that I HATE is that I always think things that I shouldn't and that will never happen. Like when he's texting me I think he's not texting back because he's on the phone with another girl; whenever he never is, and he's never talked to another girl on the phone since we've been together. And not even before we were together either. For some reason I always think he is getting off the phone to talk to another girl. I know that he doesn't do this but for some reason I still think it anyways. It doesn't make sense to me really. I wish I would stop thinking these thoughts. He's never lied to me about anything or has never cheated on me and never would. So I want to know if there is anything that I can do that will help me to not think about these things every time we get off the phone at night? I've been thinking things like this for a while and it's really bothering me. I want to feel okay with going to bed and I feel terrible that it seems like I don't trust him.. I wanna tell him how I feel but I'm afraid that he will get mad and think that I don't trust him.

 

If anyone has any advice on how I can stop thinking things like this then please help me. I hate that I think this way and it really bothers me. I mainly think it's because of how all of my past boyfriends were and it's like I'm reacting to that now for some reason. He is not them and I wish I wouldn't feel this way. I feel like it hurts my relationship a lot because it makes him feel like I lack trust and it causes me to question everything and it hurts him. I mean we've been together for a long time now and I shouldn't think these things..

[ghost69]

you are very insecure. you need to work on yourself somehow. either through seeking counseling or working this out with your bf. you will eventually lose him if you keep this up.

 

i myself am a busy guy. i had a gf that acted this way. she always would ask what i do all day if i wasn't with her. and she was 26!! not sure how old you are, but by that age you should be secure with dating/relationships and comfortable with the your SO doing their own thing. you can't be locked down 24/7. it was one reason i left her.

[Aurian]

If he has never given you any reason to doubt him, then you must be feeling insecure with yourself or the relationship. Maybe find ways to work on your self-esteem, either checking out some books on how to do this, or working with a counselor. If you dont think much of yourself, then of course you will think your boyfriend will not think much of yourself either.

 

It is very exhausting having to deal with someone who needs constant reassurance and constantly thinks you are about to drop them or cheat on them. Eventually it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy because the other person gets tired of the accusations after awhile and leaves.

[reovi]

I had the exact same issue, and posted on it a few days ago... The best piece of advice that I can remember is that my fear of abandonement is what is manifesting and what will ultimately break up my relationship, not my guy actually cheating on me. So the fear is much more destructive then he will probably be. I realized that no good guy will stick around long with a nutbag like me, and everytime I am feeling like accusing him of something or even letting something stick in my head and haunt me later, I think of what my life will be like without him-Because that is the inevitable action of my insecurity and projecting this onto him. Good luck, feel free to email anytime if you want to chat until the weak moment goes away-we all have them but already I feel better and I'd be glad to be a sounding board if you need one-good luck!