too much too write - but here goes

[prettyhate]

so i saw him at the party i was flipping out about a while ago

i looked great everyone complimented me (mind u since then i cant stop anxious eating/binging) he was there we ignored each other i smiled at one point then as i was seeing a friend off he said via text message can you please sit with me and talk

i was like yeah ok fine so i did

..................

out came 4 hours of tears by him - suicide talk - the works

anyway cutting it short did it all but sex...

very mainpulative guilty situation - i have alerted a friend to his moods and so on the worst thing is i missed him so much

i missed his connection and companionship

the end result - at counselling i spoke and cried and i calle dhim adn said

yes i loved connecting and i do want to reconnect but i cant honestly tell u when that is or will be

and to be honest thats what sits best with me for now

i know NC and bla bla

but i think we forget to LISTEN with whats going on

i am very upset yeah and he is a mess yeah and time will tell but i know there is to be no hope

but its so hard

i dont know