daveymoore1 Posted July 25, 2008 Share Posted July 25, 2008 i know there A LOT of similar threads to the one i just started here but i'm not sure what else to do and need some opinons on whether no contact is appropriate or not. background / summary: - had been dating this girl for 10 months. me - 31, her - 29 - things in my mind seemed to be going well - although a best friend of mine had died and i was not very available the past 2 months or so due to some work things going on. thus, i had not been able to spend as much time with her during the week as usual - prob only 1 -2 times instead of usual 2 - 3 during week. ive also always had trouble expressing myself and this problem really screwed me w/ this girl. about 2 weeks ago, she drops a bomb that shes miserable. apparently the lack of time seeing her and a bunch of other things - not knowing how i felt about her, her perception i didn't care that much about the relationship, some smaller things i was doing (i can give details but in my eyes shouldn't be break up reasons alone), etc... had been building up. i did not know she was unhappy as she hadn't said anything and i had been dealing with the death of my friend in may and the work issues recently. when i heard this, i told her i loved her, that i cared about her very much and the reasons for my recent detachment and general mood of gloom, which is generally not me at all. i really felt so much better after sharing my feelings w/ her and thought this would bring us closer together instead, i got the 'i need time' speech which of course led to one week of me agonizing what she was thinking and eventually leading into her saying she couldn't be w/ me right now and needed to break up. she is saying the negative things built up to where she felt negative towards me. she wishes she could change this feeling but can't right now and my trying to show her affection and fix things may not be good... i was shocked it got to this point and i've been sick ever since (lots of same symptons classic to a break up). i feel like part of it was my fault obviously and i look back now and think maybe i did take some things for granted. i know i would be able to chnage these things if i was just given the chance. i tried explaining this to her but she obviously had already made up her mind. she broke up w/ me while i was away (over the phone). that pissed me off but i left my vacation and drove 3 hours to see her just to make sure she knew how serious i was about us. i wrote her a letter expressing my feelings again, asking her to consider a future, and said i'd miss her. i didn't want to try and convince her as she had made her mind up, even though she definitely has "doubts" and "she wants us to work." b/c the issue to begin with was me not showering her w/ enough affection, would no contact still be the way to go here? would't that just allow her to move on from me and not think of me at all? or allow her to think, 'well, he really doesn't want me that much'? i know she needs time (or possibly to date others although she said thats not why shes doing this), and I also don't want to push her away. she may also have just lost an interest level, in which case NC may be better to go, but she is saying at least its the things above. i really know this girl would be someone i'd want to move in with and possibly eventually marry so i want her back in the worst way. Link to comment
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