Getting back together bad idea or good?

[male2008]

Hi

 

well ok short version, have been dating this girl for 2 years. Relationship had been having alot of issues, never major like cheating. But still alot. She has her baggage former annorexic. Im jeaolus espacially when she keept not noticeing guys hitting on her infront of me and telling me they are just friendly and then admiting it when her friends told her they where. She keept adding assholes in on her myspace then when they started heavy flirting she finally would delet them.

 

Also she is a prefectionist and that created stress on her and me. Then there is one instance for example a guy in her group study group, addad her on msn and myspace. Ok I meet the guy at a party and he is a total douchbag. Then he starts hitting on her on msn and myspace. She then calls me to tell me that he spent an entire day looking at her boobs and asking her friends if she had a boob job.

 

She wouldnt throw him out of msn and myspace, when I asked her cause she was afraid of hurting his feeling and what he would think of her. Im her boyfriend dosent that count more?

 

The thing is we have been broken up for 3 week(second breakup the other was a year ago and got back together month later).

 

Then started talking and meeting. She says she has worked on her issues and is all better. She has deleted all the guys of her myspace, she is meeting her friends and is willing to meet my friends.(She never did any of this before, which was boring and I wanted her to meet my friends and party with me, not just stay at home, which is nice from time to time.)

 

She says she has changed and sees the errors of her ways.

she is a sweet girl, beautifull, funny and good with kids. But she is to trusting, dosent seem to be a real good at telling good people from assholes.

But swears that its changed.

 

The problem is that last time we broke up she promised all these things but things went back to normal a month later.

 

I have my issues, but nothing compared to hers. Except mabey alittle low self esteem and jeulosy(but thats undercontrol if you dont push it.)

 

I dont want to get back togehter just because its easy and cause we are lonley.

 

is this a really bad idea or a good idea to give this another go?????????????????????

 

Please help me

[riley123]

 

The problem is that last time we broke up she promised all these things but things went back to normal a month later.

 

I dont want to get back togehter just because its easy and cause we are lonley.

 

 

There are your key statements.

 

You tried it once and no success -- move on.

[bepositive]

I wouldn't try it without the two of you seeing a couples therapist together. Three weeks isn't enough time for her to have fixed her issues. So, you have to decide if the relationship is worth that much effort. If you really do want to work it out with her, suggest the therapy route to her. If she doesn't think it's worth that level of effort, there you go.

 

How old are you two?

[Mutley]

Only one way to tell for sure....try it!!!

 

That's how I found out it wouldn't work in my case.

[rgm1266]

I had the same problems with mine. But she didn't see the errors of her ways. She always put everyone first and trusted too many people. Give it some time and she if she has made these changes and for a significant amount of time. In other words, make her prove it!!

 

Give it another chance. But only you know if it's worth your time and effort.

 

Good luck...

[Maverick32x]

Personally I think you should try it... just because you have a much better perspective on the entire relationship... and I think the both of us know that this won't really last... she'll be back to her same old shananigins and you'll be right back to wondering where you went wrong.... but this time.. you'll know that there is nothing you did wrong... and you'll be in a better position to move on~

 

and you will realize that this girl clearly is very dependent on other people for her self-esteem development.... the past anorexia leads me to think that this girl already has a very poor self-image.. if this is the case, she RELIES on people around her to hit on her and for as many people as possible to maintain her self-esteem, because she is unable to do it herself...

 

And no matter what you do as a boyfriend will change this.. (I assume)...

 

Or maybe I've just really pessimistic this morning!! I need to eat some breakfast.....

[Catdancer]

What do you expect of her if you get back together? What does she expect of you? If you have broken up before and gotten back together then went back into the same problems, how will this time be different? How have you BOTH fixed what broke?

[male2008]

Well thats the thing, I just find that the old wounds are reopening. Also the mistrust. I would just freak out at myself if we get back together and she would start her old ways.

 

I mean I some time think mabey it would be better to start fresh. ](*,)

 

the thing is though Im also afraid, this is my first real relationship. we are both mid 20´s.

 

But the thing is when we were broken up then everyday I would feel good. Then at night I would feel really lonely. Also after going out with my friends. Seeing them with girlfriends and flirting.

 

I just afraid of 2 things

 

1: we just want to try cause we dont want to be alone.

2: its not going to work and I will feel like * * * * .

 

But also then their is a thing like

What if she is the one?

What if she is the best I will ever get?

What if we dont get back together and I will regret it.

 

The thing is my friends where all and family as well not surprise we broke up had been a difficult relationship.

 

F**k Im so confused.

[Sara57]

move on. I'm just like her. It's not going to work. You'll be happier a year from now if you move on.

[Catdancer]

See post # 7. Those are the questions you should be asking and finding the answers to.

[male2008]

thing is I have done EVERYTHING for her to help her, helped her set a store online, help get over her annxiety of tests. But she also helped me.

 

I never had any of those problems didnt flirt with other girls, didnt have random girls on my myspace

 

But thats the thing I sometimes think why shouldnt try again she went to her old ways which made me jeuolus and feel bad. Can I regain that trust?

 

Mabey their is some one better for me and her. Im going to go freaking raging in MMA training after this. Get these frustrating feelings out.

[bfla]

I feel similarly about the family aspect - my dad even remarked that me and the ex came off as 'dysfunctional.' But your friends and family may not know the emotional aspects that contribute to your relationship difficulties.

 

Hey boys and girls....nobody said it doesn't take work!!!

I think some of us just needed a swift kick in the ass (having an EX now) to figure that out. We were comfortable!

[male2008]

fixed??

 

Well she says she has learned her the error of her ways, that she should be more open to meeting my friends like I did, not stress to much, and that she now understands the problem with myspace and considering other guys feelings over mine.

 

My biggest problem in the relationship was that her issues where driving me up the wall and making me jeoulus, Im a jeoulus and a little insecure, but its ok so long as she isnt doing that stuff. I know guys hit on her ok fine np. But dont call me and tell me and dont let it happen and talk to them all friendly in front of me and denie, only to appologize when your friends tell you that you where wrong,

[male2008]

The thing is that some say its just because she isnt used to this because she was ill for so long. She dosent understand it. But whats that about she has a high IQ and best grades in her class.

[Mutley]

No matter what anyone says, you just have to find out for yourself.

 

There's probably a bigger chance of failure than success....but that's the gamble.

 

You will be ok either way.

 

I survived, you will too.

[bepositive]

I have a hard time meeting women, and I can tell you that if you're in your mid 20s, you have plenty of time for other relationships. I felt the same way in my 20s, and I'm pushing 40 now and feeling much different. Although, it depends on what your goals are. Is having a relationship your primary goal in life? Or, being happy with yourself, working on your career, etc. The other benefit we have as guys is that our biological clocks aren't ticking like the girls' are, if you want kids.

 

I've been working on my confidence issues, and in the months since my breakup, I've met and dated more women than I normally would in a few years! So, you have plenty of time to grow.

[male2008]

I have done things to get my confidence up. I writting my final thessias with an investment company, Im working out and doing MMA. Also working hard on my startup company. So I feel better about my self.

 

Im not interested in becoming a player and having strings of one night stands. I love being in a relationship

[male2008]

Also it seems like we love eachother, but Im just confused, she promised all those changes last time, but didnt keep them. Also when we breakup she seems to do better. But my friends think she is trying to get me back, to show that she can change. But in a way I think mabey we are both better of with out eachother even though we care for each other.

 

Also Im just not sure I can forgive and forget those things she did and that I will always be suspisious.