Cadence_oO Posted July 24, 2008 Share Posted July 24, 2008 Where the heck do I start? Do I go to see a lawyer first,or to file for divorce,is there a separation period that needs to go before I can file for it because my husband only moved out today. I'm hoping for a quick divorce.We signed a pre-nup,I know what I'm getting and quite happy with it.... So what happens? What do I do? Thanks in advance! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DN Posted July 24, 2008 Share Posted July 24, 2008 link removed This may help you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
avman Posted July 24, 2008 Share Posted July 24, 2008 A lot of it depends on the state you live in. I'm not very familiar with Connecticut divorce laws so it is best to visit an attorney and find out the deal. If both of you aren't going to fight about it then it should go smoothly and won't cost you a great deal. You sound happy with the pre-nup so it's just filing the right paperwork and getting everything all settled. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BeStrongBeHappy Posted July 24, 2008 Share Posted July 24, 2008 Your first step is to find a lawyer. They will know all the laws in your state and what is required. If you have a family lawyer, you could start with them. Also, you need to make sure you have access to money. If he has a joint acount with you he might drain, make sure you have enough money set aside to cover you for a while til the court can order temporary support. Most likely you will file for divorce, on grounds of adultery. You should ask for sole custody of your daughter, and he will get visitation. You should also ask for whatever your prenup requires, and ask for the house and support to pay for it (at least until the divorce is settled). I would suggest not letting him take your daughter out of the house until you have consulted a lawyer. If he takes her and files for custody, he does not have to give her back until the court meets and tells him that he does. Here is a website called link removed that talks about divorce issues in your state and where you can search for lawyers: link removed there is also a forum there where you can post and read up on info: link removed Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted July 24, 2008 Share Posted July 24, 2008 you may even be able to take care of things with a mediator, if this is uncontested and smooth, you may not need lawyers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cadence_oO Posted July 24, 2008 Author Share Posted July 24, 2008 Thanks. I just read on that first link that I can file for divorce but it can be finalized 12 months after the date of separation. I plan on contacting a lawyer the first chance I get.I only want what I am supposed to get according to our pre-nup. That is,the house,child support,alimony fit to the number of yaers we've been married and half of assets that was aquired in marriage. So,you're saying I shouldn't let him pick up Alexis after work tomorrow? I'm not sure how she will take that? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cadence_oO Posted July 24, 2008 Author Share Posted July 24, 2008 you may even be able to take care of things with a mediator, if this is uncontested and smooth, you may not need lawyers. I'm not sure if it will be contested... I'll wait to talk to my lawyer.I bet he'll do the same...I can't imagine him contesting but his family might.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted July 24, 2008 Share Posted July 24, 2008 reading your other threads, i'd say instead, talk to a lawyer. i'm sorry things have turned out like this. maybe you can contact the lawyer who did the prenup and see what they recommend. does your family have a lawyer that you can call and they can recommend you a good divorce lawyer? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
avman Posted July 24, 2008 Share Posted July 24, 2008 I can't imagine him contesting but his family might.... His family doesn't get a say. The prenup is between you and him. If you are both still in agreement with it then it should remain enforceable as long as it doesn't cause a detriment to the child and isn't grossly unfair to either person. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cadence_oO Posted July 24, 2008 Author Share Posted July 24, 2008 reading your other threads, i'd say instead, talk to a lawyer. i'm sorry things have turned out like this. maybe you can contact the lawyer who did the prenup and see what they recommend. does your family have a lawyer that you can call and they can recommend you a good divorce lawyer? Yes,we have a family lawyer but my mother is won't give me his number because she doesn't want for this divorce to happen.She's mental. His family doesn't get a say. The prenup is between you and him. If you are both still in agreement with it then it should remain enforceable as long as it doesn't cause a detriment to the child and isn't grossly unfair to either person. Well,if his father gets into this and decides that the whole pre-nup is contested I stand NO chance. Now I'm scared of losing my daughter in all this.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted July 24, 2008 Share Posted July 24, 2008 do you have any coworkers who have been divorced and were pleased with their lawyer? ask around. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cadence_oO Posted July 24, 2008 Author Share Posted July 24, 2008 do you have any coworkers who have been divorced and were pleased with their lawyer? ask around. No,I'm a stay at home mom,I don't work. I can ask my friends only...but they all had such divorce proceedings,I don't want an ugly court battle. I definitely don't want it come to that. I'll find a lawyer by myself,just I know that no matterwho i hire thier wil have better... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
metrogirl Posted July 24, 2008 Share Posted July 24, 2008 The pre-nup is you and your husbands, not his fathers. He has no say so in any of this. Meddling parents need to keep out!! Since it seems that you and your husband have pretty much agreeed on everything, there should be no big hangups in the divorce. Have the two of you decided on custody and visititation? That could be easily settled as well without endless court visits as long as both partys are in agreement with everything. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cadence_oO Posted July 24, 2008 Author Share Posted July 24, 2008 If his father decides that contesting is the way to go,he will go with that route. We haven't decided anything on custody,visitation.I want sole custody with visitation rights for him. Now,he told me today that he will pick her up tomorrow after work? Should I let him alone with him before contacting a lawyer? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BeStrongBeHappy Posted July 24, 2008 Share Posted July 24, 2008 I would drive over to his 'love nest' and get pictures TODAY. He may go over this weekend and 'sanitize' it so evidence of adultery is removed. Take pictures of everything, and if she has laundry there with her DNA on it (and his), take it with you as evidence (things like panties) and some of her clothes or anything else that identifies her in that apt. Also take those photos that show them together. You also may want to hire a private detective to get pictures of them together. I think it is hard to overturn prenups in general, especially if he has committed adultery and the marriage is dissolved thru no fault of your own. The trick will be in things like determining what the marital assets were generated during the marriage (do you get half of his company?). Since he has a business, that complicates it a bit because you need to value that. Those areas are more likely what his father would get involved in if it is a family business. But it is a good negotiating tool, that you'll give up your rights to part of the business in exchange for other things you want. Child custody issues are outside prenups usually. But if he has committed adultery, and you are a stay at home Mom, i sincerely doubt the court would take custody away from you IF you file for it now before he does. So I would try to talk to a few lawyers on the phone today and meet with one of them tomorrow, with a copy of your prenup in hand. They can give you advice on what to do. Re: him taking your daughter tomorrow, i wouldn't let him do that until you've had a discussion with a lawyer and talked to your ex about his intentions (divorce, custody issues, how you will share your daughter etc.). Tell him you want to talk to him when he comes, and that he can see your daughter in the house after you talk (but don't take her). I doubt he will try to keep her or take her from you at this point, but you just never know, so best to have it clear between the two of you and have talked to an attorney about the best way to proceed and protect yourself. If you have a temporary custody order in place, he can't take her away from you and can only have visitation. Those temporary orders can be granted very quickly, within a day, so i'd try to get one in place, then you can start negotiating with your husband as to future terms of the divorce and custody issues. You want to try not to escalate the tension, but also to show him that you won't be bullied or bulldozed or roll over and not protect yourself. Don't sign anything from him at all without your lawyer reviewing it first. If he's wanted to go off with this other woman, there's a chance he's already met with a lawyer to talk about these kind of things. Don't let him get the jump on you, and make sure you get temporary custody of your daughter before anything else happens. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
avman Posted July 24, 2008 Share Posted July 24, 2008 If his father decides that contesting is the way to go,he will go with that route. Well that doesn't mean he'll win. And if you are stay at home and not working then you can ask the court to force him to pay your legal bills. If this looks like custody will be a big issue and a battle then you might want to keep your child close to you and not let him have her until temporary custody orders are set. I think you should contact a lawyer very quickly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karvala Posted July 24, 2008 Share Posted July 24, 2008 Yes,we have a family lawyer but my mother is won't give me his number because she doesn't want for this divorce to happen.She's mental. Force her. You don't have to be nice about it; you don't owe anything to anyone (apart from your daughter) anymore in this situation. You're the important one now (along with Alexis). Can you remember the name of the lawyer? The name of his firm? Find the number yourself. Failing that, talk to anyone you know who's used a divorce lawyer or who knows a divorce lawyer, and ask them for the number of someone decent. You really must get a good lawyer asap. Well,if his father gets into this and decides that the whole pre-nup is contested I stand NO chance. Now I'm scared of losing my daughter in all this.... His father isn't God. The law is the law; if your prenup was drawn up properly, and fulfills certain basic criteria as avman laid out, then it stands, no matter how much fuss his father makes and no matter how important or influential he thinks he is. I once took on a £600m insurance company, the end result of which was that the company no longer exists and some of the directors went to jail. They thought they were powerful and influential and that I was nobody. When they saw me on the national news commenting on their dubious financial practices, they realised there isn't anyone who is nobody. That includes you. You will not lose your daughter. Keep reminding yourself of this. Your husband behaved badly, you didn't. No matter what anyone else wants, nobody can punish you in that way. Really, don't panic, it will be okay. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cadence_oO Posted July 24, 2008 Author Share Posted July 24, 2008 BeStrongBeHappy,no way I'm getting aynthing in that company! It's so protected...No,I only get the house,the alimony and child support and half of the money from selling other property we bought while married. And I don't need him to pay for the legal fees,we have one joint account and our separate ones. I just want whats fair and most importantly sole custody of my daughter. Now,she is his family's only grandaughter.So I am now terrified of them going after her,and of course,he will surely want her. I'm looking up a lawyer as we speak and I'm not letting him take her by himself tomorrow. I'll try to get temporary custody as you said...really don't want him to beat me to the punch. Thanks again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DN Posted July 24, 2008 Share Posted July 24, 2008 If he decides to contest your desire for sole custody that could cause problems - courts are looking at that with some disfavour these days. If you ask for joint legal custody but you having actual physical custody and him having agreed visitation (one evening a week and every other weekend is usual) then that may be easier to agree and have approved by the court. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
doyathink Posted July 24, 2008 Share Posted July 24, 2008 Seeing how this marriage collapsed as a result of his infidelity....I don't think you'll have a problem with getting what you want out of the deal. If you get a good lawyer (I'm sure he will) he will fight for your rights. And if your husband has any brains, he wont want his affair brought up in court, so he will probably go along with what you want. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DN Posted July 24, 2008 Share Posted July 24, 2008 Well, infidelity is usually frowned on by judges but in no fault jurisdictions they don't always have much power to 'punish' the one who is unfaithful. But the issue of child custody is different because they have to consider the best interests of the child. And no matter how much people say that infidelity also harms children (and there is a lot to that) judges are not usually allowed to take it into consideration when deciding about custody arrangements. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cadence_oO Posted July 24, 2008 Author Share Posted July 24, 2008 So you guys think he has a shot with gaining custody? Cause I would gladly give away the house,the money,all of it just for her. I have been a stay at home mom since March 3rd 2006. I took care of her,changed her diapers,wiped her nose,took her to a nursery and sat there watching her play,put her to sleep,wake up in the middle of the night,don't leave her side when she's sick,tell her stories,been there for her first words,first steps... And my husband IS a great father but his working hours are from 8 a.m. till 10 p.m. during the week.He is away very often onm business trips or with his 'girlfriend'. Consideraing all this,do you guys really think he has a shot? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DN Posted July 24, 2008 Share Posted July 24, 2008 I doubt very much that he would get full custody unless he can prove you are an unfit mother. And that is very hard to do. I would rest easy on that score. But he will probably get reasonable visitation rights (sometimes known as shared or partial custody). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
avman Posted July 24, 2008 Share Posted July 24, 2008 So you guys think he has a shot with gaining custody? Cause I would gladly give away the house,the money,all of it just for her. I think any of us would just be speculating. This is why talking to a lawyer in your area is the best course of action. A lawyer will know the law, how the local courts tend to rule, and you'll be able to give them all the specifics so they can advise you on what is likely to happen and what your chances are. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BeStrongBeHappy Posted July 24, 2008 Share Posted July 24, 2008 Don't offer to give away anything like your house to get your daughter! I think due to her age and the circumstances, you will most likely get custody of her and he will get visitation, and most likely your pre-nup will be enforced. But talking to a lawyer should put your mind at ease, so I'd talk to one ASAP. Worry doesn't accomplish anything, action does! So talk to the lawyer and find out what your options are. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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