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Male friend from college staying at her house for the weekend, should I be worried?

DaBladeRoden

By DaBladeRoden
in Dating Advice

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DaBladeRoden Enthusiast

DaBladeRoden

Posted
Posted

So I've been getting to know this girl for about 3 months. You can read more about it here.

w w w.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=239188 (why is this thing so finicky about posting urls?)

 

So today we had arranged the evening to rent a canoe and go out on the lake. That was all well and good but it didn't really feel that romantic after you lug the boat to the dock, you have to dodge other boats, you're sitting 5 apart, and you have to bring it back in 45 minutes. But we did get a beer afterwards and chatted a bit after.

 

Now I mentioned that this weekend the outdoor group that we're both part of was doing river canoing and camping that weekend. But she said that her friend from college will be visiting that weekend, and this friend happens to be male, really smart, going for his phd, and since he's driving 5 miles to get there, he will be spending two nights at her house, a place which I haven't even been privelaged enough to even see yet. He also took her on vacation to Washington one time.

 

But even after all that she seemed to be slightly on the fence about going camping too. By the end of the night We hugged and she said "See you next week, or maybe this weekend."

 

Now I'm not sure under what circumstances she thought up where she could go camping and reneging on this guy coming over for the weekend. Maybe it would only happen if he canceled first. Or maybe if she were to go camping, it would only be if she brought him along.

 

Now I'm worried that while I may have been kind of inching forward cautiously with this girl, he's gonna swoop in and make a move during the weekend inside her very room, while I am impotently 50 miles away. I don't know what I should do. Try to call her beforehand in desperation to make us an official item? Distribute information on the trip, maybe even get the organizer in on swaying her to go? Do nothing and pray that nothing happens in return? ack!

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Yates33 Community Regular

Yates33

Posted
Posted

Where do you guys stand? I didn't bother reading your past thread.

 

If you are seriously dating, (and I think you should be after 3 months) then of course you should be bothered. It seems like this girl isn't that into you...if she was, she would have made plans with you while her "friend" was staying over and he could tag along. Now put you to the side so she can attend to her male "friend"

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arwen Grand Master

arwen

Posted
Posted

It would be worrisome if you were in a relationship but to be honest I doubt that she sees you as anything more than a friend at this point. If you are so eager to become a couple, I'd be honest and upfront towards her. But keep in mind, also as a couple she may want to spend time with (male, phd obtaining) friends from time to time. Don't contact the organizers of your trip to talk her into it. She had other plans this weekend, and I doubt she'd change them when someone is coming to visit her.

 

I hope things will work out for you

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agent1607307371 Experienced

agent1607307371

Posted
Posted
I don't know what I should do. Try to call her beforehand in desperation to make us an official item? Distribute information on the trip, maybe even get the organizer in on swaying her to go?

 

I am going to be very harsh for a second, but that is truly pathetic.

 

Fact is, after 3 months of "inching" any possibility has probably fizzles out. If I were you, I'd stop inching and just be upfront.

 

Isn't this the second weekend she's spend with this guy?

 

There are three possibilities in regards to the guy. 1- He really is just a friend. 2- She wants him to be more than a friend. 3- He is more than a friend already.

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Valina Newbie

Valina

Posted
Posted

Well I also didn't read your previous thread, but let me disagree with most of these posters. Just because this girl is having a male friend crash on her couch doesn't mean he is going to "swoop in". imo, if he were going to make a move, wouldn't he have already done so?

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allypally Enthusiast

allypally

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I think the OP should just ask what the status quo is.

 

If the girl he has been dating beats around the bush then he'll know the other guy is more than just a friend. The girl should really ask the OP over to her place whilst the other guy is there.

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allypally Enthusiast

allypally

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Well then, the OP should tell her that he would be interested in pursuing a more serious relationship with her.

 

Perhaps he shouldn't mention the PhD student to her because he'll give the impression that he is threatened by him. He should be a man about this and just tell the girl how much he enjoys her company and ask what she thinks about things becoming more serious.

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ryan123 Enthusiast

ryan123

Posted
Posted

Yeah get that out there ASAP...That you want to be with her in a relationship.

 

If she does, great.

 

If she doesnt, you must decide if you can be just friends with her...That means no jealousy when PHD guy comes over...No jealousy when she gets a boyfriend...And that means just friends.

 

If you cant do that...Just dont be friends with her. You have every right to do so also. Because exposing yourself to the above scenario is toxic for a healthy life. Unrequited love is never a nice feeling.

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agent1607307371 Experienced

agent1607307371

Posted
Posted
Well, that's great. She say she can't date anyone because she'd obsessed with this guy who's already in a relationship. So now I'm playing therapist because she kinda wants to not be obsessed.

 

No, you're playing therapist because you want her to see what a great catch you are. That's not going to work. Move on.

 

Seriously, it's just going to drive you crazy in the long run.

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