Love and the pain it can bring

[Michael2]

Really in need of some advice.

 

My ex girlfriend and I are together for 1 ½ years before things went down hill. WE broke up in August because of Long Distance difficulties and other reasons. She said was too pessimistic, and that she couldn't deal with our relationship and her younger sister had passed away and she still hadn't comes to grasps with that, so we ended it. I was under the impression that it would be temporary. Two weeks after our break up she met someone else and had sex with him. I was destroyed and broken hearted to say the least. But after all of that, we decided to try things once again. 5 months later and I was still having difficulties coming to grasps with the fact she had done what she did. I put her down, called her names and was resentful. As a result of that, we broke up. That brings us to now. We haven't seen eachother in almost two months, and she is seeing another guy already. I have been trying my hardest to not call her, but it is extremely hard. I buckled and called her yesterday to see how things were going. The conversation was great. But I could sense something was wrong. She told me that she missed me and loved me, and that she always has the urge to call me, even though she is with this other man. We speak about how we are suppose to be together, but the timing is bad and the situation is even worse. She cried over the phone, telling me how hard is that she lost our friendship, and that she missed me more everyday. She told me how her new relationship is a means to deal with the pain, and she implied that it wouldn't last that long, but that it is helping her cope with the loss of our relationship. She said she compares everything he does to what I did, and that he doesn't compare what so ever. I just don't understand how she can be in a relationship with another so quickly. I asked her how she is dealing with our breakup and she said she isn't, she is pushing the pain away, and that her new guy is helping to take her mind off us. I just am so lost right now. We left it off that I wouldn't contact her anymore, and I asked her if she would call me , and she said yes , but she wasn't sure when. Please offer me some advice. Thanks.

[viewsonic34]

honestly, it sounds like this girl is one of 2 things. Either really in love with you (how old are you guys?) and it is truly bad timing, or she is just an awful person and stringing you along like a yo yo. i am leaning towards the former. i would let it be and try not to get jealous about hte ex. if it is real, which i think it is just based off of the limited info i see here, she will be back to you. it just sucks having to endure the thought of her with another guy. but sometimes thats the best thing that can happen and the way you handle yourself will say alot to her about you. if you can suck it up and hide your jealousy (although its ok that she knows you care alot about her and think she belongs with you), i think she will see what a strong person you are on top of all the other traits she loves about you. i hate distance and "timing", trust me. time will tell if its a front or if she really cares about you. but again, i think she does care about you. get your own new gf, that will turn her around real quick. you might end up liking the new one bettter and at the very least youre "growing" as people lke to say on this forum

[Michael2]

We are both 24, and thanks for the reply.

 

You are dead right, the thought of her with another guy is driving me nuts, but I will have to deal with it. I think we both have to go our separate ways right now inorder for anything to come of it in the future.

 

When I first found out I was upset, I cried to her asking how she could see someone else, but that was only one episode. Ever since then I have been strong and very friendly towards her on the phone. I still dont think she has fully realized that we are broken up. I have to make her realize that she has lost me, and in order to do that I have to cut contact. RIGHT?

[viewsonic34]

i dont know if your situation is unique, but if i were you i would definitely cut it off completely. she has a dependency on you it seems. she needs to see what her life is like without you in it. tell her you just think it would be good to get some time apart, you want to "grow" experience different things etc (which you should anyway). even though your motives are specifically to manipulate her mind (which you will be doing an excellent job of), you will also leave her with the impression that you are ready to move onto something or somebody else....which, if they love you, is the last thing they want to hear!!! be tired of her taking you for granted, take control of the situation. the great hting is, you can......