New boyfriend has serious health issue...

[anya85]

So this guy I've been dating came over today. He really seemed to want to talk to me about something. He wanted to talk about "us" and where our relationship was heading and how I felt about him. He was very serious. So pretty much, he admits to me that he found out about a year ago that he has an inheirited degenerative brain disease, one that will eventually cause him physical and mental problems and symptoms and will most likely kill him. His mother and uncle have it, but they don't know that he was tested and has it also. He has chosen not to tell his parents, especially his mother for fear of hurting her. Apparently symptoms start showing around late fourties, early fifties(he's early-mid 20s now) and start with very small symptoms but will progress eventually leaving him unable to move, speak or function as well as losing his memory and personality(in the end). Because of the high rate of inheiriting it, there's a very real concern as far has him fathering children, it's pretty much a 50% chance of passing it on.

 

He also goes on to tell me that his only other serious relationship ended because of this. He was tested a year ago, told his then girlfriend of one year about the results, and she left him because of it. He admitted that he's afraid. I just feel so terrible for him. That's a lot to think about. I've never known anyone with something like this going on. He's requested that I not tell anyone, which sort of sucks because it's the kind of thing I'd like to talk to my mother about. I'm pretty close to her, but I've told him I won't tell any one. So I guess I just need to talk to someone and maybe see what others think. I really, really like this guy too. He's such a great guy, it's heartbreaking. I'm not leaving him over it though. In fact, we've made it official that we're a couple starting today and it *wasn't* out of pity, so please don't think so. I genuinely, really like this guy. Any thoughts?

[Anonymous122]

I think that, if it's not going to begin effecting him until his 40s or 50s, that you'll be able to have a long and happy life together.

 

Don't let his illness destroy him, or your relationship... his sense of self is probably very weak because he has been left behind because of it before.

[Snoopy24]

Well if you really like him go for it. Be supportive, and don't think of him any different.

 

My bf's ex girlfriend has a cystic fibrosis, and 10 years ago the average life expectancy of it was like 15, now people are living well into their 30's, 40's and up.

 

In 20 year's who knows what kind of medicines and cures they will have.

 

As far as having kids, if you guys ever come to that road..take it from there.

[DakotaSkye]

Think of it this way. Though this is a completely unfortunate thing for either of you to deal with, I bet you'll have a wonderful relationship because of it. If I were him, I know I'd be more loving, more caring, more considerate, more aware of my relationships, and more thankful for the time I'd have when I'm healthy. I'd be more appreciative of everything and spend as much time as possible with the people I love. And I'd bet you'll feel the same. You'll appreciate him more, arguments will be resolved quicker because time is so precious...

 

Because of this, your relationship will be something that other people can only dream about. I sincerely feel for your boyfriend, as well as you, but some good can still come out of this otherwise unfortunate situation.