chocolatstar Posted July 23, 2008 Share Posted July 23, 2008 Hi everybody, I'm new here. I found this site after searching for break up advice forums...and I guess I'm writing now because I just need some help. I'm a 22 year old woman and I'm gay. I didn't fully realise this until I met my ex 10 months ago. She broke up with me the middle of last month. We were togethe for 9 months and the break up came as a complete and total shock to me. Seriously, we were so good I didn't see it coming at all. I thought that we were in it for the long run...and now, I just don't know how to handle it. We had a few problems I suppose. She had issues with admitting her sexuality to anyone outside her close friend circle (including her family) and I am, though newly discovered, proud of my sexuality - so this meant restrictions on being affectionate in public because she could feel uneasy and that was a little difficult to take sometimes...but I didn't mind. I love her so much that I didn't care about that, and I thought I was helping her work through it - everday she seemed to be getting more confident and yet that was one of the reasons why she broke it off with me. Because she thought I deserved more. Deserved someone who was as proud as I was. ....I don't understand why she wouldn't let me help her. We were doing great and I love her despite that issue, so why wasn't that enough? Part of me thinks that if she really wanted to make a go of it with me then she would have stuck though it. To tell me 'it's not you, it's me,' feels like a cop out. Why wasn't love enough? When she broke up with me she told me that it was the hardest decision she'd ever had to make because she really did love me - so why wasn't that a big enough foundation to build upon? We were so good together. There were other reasons she said - she got busy sometimes which would limit the time we spent together some weeks and we had differing libidos - but I don't know. That stuff didn't matter to me. My mind keeps focussing on the great memories - on the kisses and cuddles and dinners and walks and I just find myself crying all the damn time. I wake up every morning with the same stab of pain realising that it was all a dream and she's actaully not with me. It hurts to know that I'll never be with her ever again in that way. We want to be friends. I can't imagine my life without her in it - even if it's just friends - but I find that everytime I see her I just remember what we had and it makes me sad. ....Is it possibly to build a friendship after a relationship? I'm finding it so hard. Should I give it more time? She was my first love, my first girlfriend and I miss her so much. I don't even miss the romance side sometimes - just her and being around her. I know she loves me and I know that she broke up with me for selfless reasons - but it's only of little comfort. I keep wishing that she will come back to me. I know so many people have been through this, but this is my first time with someone I really care about....a little advice? I'd appreciate anything you guys can give. Thank you in advance. Link to comment
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