sososad Posted July 23, 2008 Share Posted July 23, 2008 This is a very long story, so going to try to keep it short. I had this friend, well we were best friends and slept together quite a few times. We were extremely close. Did the cuddle, emotional bull * * * * . It felt like a relationship,but without the sex. I fell in love with her. At first she was confused about her feelings. Then all of a sudden She didn't like me in that way, yet moved into my house b/c she was financially hurting. Me trying to be some kind of saviour and my crazy mind at the time thought maybe should would want to be with me, that this was the way to win her over. We argued a lot before she moved in. Basically over how I felt, how she felt, I wanted to end the friendship b/c it hurt so bad. But I didn't. I just couldn't let her go. So she moved in with her pets. We got along, but still were sleeoping in the same bed, being emotional, did things together. More than friends should do together I guess. I let her live for free at my house for quite sometime. Then she got into a relationship with someone 10 years older than her. I was so hurt. So jealous. I fell into a deep depresion, self -loathing * * * * * * * for the year and half she lived here. She was never here. I ended up taking care of her pets, cleaning up after her, while she also got a new group of friends. Starting ditching. We were no longer connected at the hip. This drove me into a more maddening hurt. One I never want to feel again. I accused her of using me and how hurt I was by her. All she would do was get angry, yell at me, tell me how sad I am and that if she and this person weren't together it would be someone else not me. She was just downright mean. I started to feel crazy. I thought there was something wrong with. I was in therapy over this woman. Though the therapist never found anything wrong with. Just that I needed to get her out, but I couldn't. It hurt to bad. I really cared about her. I listened to her problems. Lots of things. I missed her even though she was right here, but ignoring me. She would put me down. SHe put my house down and how her new lover thought it stunk. Well it was her freakin pets that caused tha tprob. I had to rip all the carpet out of the house, ect. She would tell me her friends would talk about me while they were out. About how weird I am and they think I am psycho. (These people are in their 30's, 40's and 50's. Finally she moved out around 7 months ago. I was so angry and upset by everything over the last couple of years. I was hurting so bad and still am from this. After she moved she still kept email contact, but never had the time to do something with me. SHe told me that once me and her new love were alright with eachother then I would see more of her. Finally a few months later I tired of all this. It hurt so bad. I felt like a bad person. Like I did something so wrong. What did I do wrong? I fell for her. I cared about/for her. Is that so wrong? Anyway in an email I told her I nolonger wanted to be friends b/c I felt used and friends dont' treat eachother like that. I said maybe in 5 months we could talk again. I just needed time and space to fully heal b/c I never had a chance. She got angry. Told me off. Then agreed to talking in June. I sent her an email in late March wishing her a Hapy Easter asking if she wanted to continue or if I should move on. She said she still needed the space and would see eachother in May. Okay. I emailed her last week. Saying hi. SHe ignored me. I feel crazy. I am still extremely hurt. Sometimes I hate her. I don't understand how someone could be so hurtful. What was wrong with me hurting? What was wrong with me trying to heal? Why is her words never follow her actions. I miss her the old friendship we had. The one that was innocent. I miss the innocense I thought she was. I am so sad. Stricken with grief. maybe I am crazy. I sound crazy. I think I was used. I think she took advantage of my vulnerbility. She did something similar to other people that are now out of her life. She borrowed a grand from her ex, then didn't pay it back until her ex freaked otu on her. Link to comment
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