Hurting so bad. Want answers.

[sososad]

This is a very long story, so going to try to keep it short. I had this friend, well we were best friends and slept together quite a few times. We were extremely close. Did the cuddle, emotional bull * * * * . It felt like a relationship,but without the sex. I fell in love with her. At first she was confused about her feelings. Then all of a sudden She didn't like me in that way, yet moved into my house b/c she was financially hurting. Me trying to be some kind of saviour and my crazy mind at the time thought maybe should would want to be with me, that this was the way to win her over.

We argued a lot before she moved in. Basically over how I felt, how she felt, I wanted to end the friendship b/c it hurt so bad. But I didn't. I just couldn't let her go.

So she moved in with her pets. We got along, but still were sleeoping in the same bed, being emotional, did things together. More than friends should do together I guess. I let her live for free at my house for quite sometime.

Then she got into a relationship with someone 10 years older than her. I was so hurt. So jealous. I fell into a deep depresion, self -loathing * * * * * * * for the year and half she lived here. She was never here. I ended up taking care of her pets, cleaning up after her, while she also got a new group of friends. Starting ditching. We were no longer connected at the hip. This drove me into a more maddening hurt. One I never want to feel again. I accused her of using me and how hurt I was by her. All she would do was get angry, yell at me, tell me how sad I am and that if she and this person weren't together it would be someone else not me. She was just downright mean.

I started to feel crazy. I thought there was something wrong with. I was in therapy over this woman. Though the therapist never found anything wrong with. Just that I needed to get her out, but I couldn't. It hurt to bad. I really cared about her. I listened to her problems. Lots of things. I missed her even though she was right here, but ignoring me. She would put me down. SHe put my house down and how her new lover thought it stunk. Well it was her freakin pets that caused tha tprob. I had to rip all the carpet out of the house, ect. She would tell me her friends would talk about me while they were out. About how weird I am and they think I am psycho. (These people are in their 30's, 40's and 50's.

Finally she moved out around 7 months ago. I was so angry and upset by everything over the last couple of years. I was hurting so bad and still am from this. After she moved she still kept email contact, but never had the time to do something with me. SHe told me that once me and her new love were alright with eachother then I would see more of her.

Finally a few months later I tired of all this. It hurt so bad. I felt like a bad person. Like I did something so wrong. What did I do wrong? I fell for her. I cared about/for her. Is that so wrong?

Anyway in an email I told her I nolonger wanted to be friends b/c I felt used and friends dont' treat eachother like that. I said maybe in 5 months we could talk again. I just needed time and space to fully heal b/c I never had a chance. She got angry. Told me off. Then agreed to talking in June.

I sent her an email in late March wishing her a Hapy Easter asking if she wanted to continue or if I should move on.

She said she still needed the space and would see eachother in May.

Okay. I emailed her last week. Saying hi. SHe ignored me.

I feel crazy. I am still extremely hurt. Sometimes I hate her. I don't understand how someone could be so hurtful. What was wrong with me hurting? What was wrong with me trying to heal? Why is her words never follow her actions. I miss her the old friendship we had. The one that was innocent. I miss the innocense I thought she was.

I am so sad. Stricken with grief. maybe I am crazy. I sound crazy.

I think I was used. I think she took advantage of my vulnerbility.

She did something similar to other people that are now out of her life. She borrowed a grand from her ex, then didn't pay it back until her ex freaked otu on her.

[_free_]

You must really be hurting sososad.

 

It sounds like this woman was a really good friend, but that something changed, and she ended up using you (whether she wanted to or not, or intended to or not, if what you say is true, then she did use you).

 

I can imagine you're confused right now, and not even sure if you've got it all right here.

 

I think either way, she's not good for you, and even though it hurts, the best thing for you to do is to move on.

[sososad]

Thanks. I am hurting. I am trying so hard to move on, but I don't know what it is I did wrong to this person to be treated so poorly. It's like I wasn't treated like a person,but some object.

Her new love is rich, takes her places, buys her things. I think I just didn't have enough money to keep her interested in my as a friend or anything else. It hurts to be first rejected as a lover, than to be rejected as a friend and now to be ignored.

My life feels so messed up. I don't want to hurt anymore. I don't want to be rejected anymore. I just cannot take anymore.

However I miss my friend.

[now_better]

i think above all, you always have to have self-respect for yourself. when people trample over you, you have to call it out. you can't let that kind of behavior repeat itself because it will if you don't put a stop to it. it's not being mean if you're standing up for yourself and what is right.

 

and about your friend. do you have a lot of friends in real life? because it sounds like you put everything you had in one basket. i recommend getting out more, working out, getting out and meeting people. i think that would help you forget her because you definitely need to move on. this is one of the relationships where you're always going to be taken for granted. let them live life and maybe when they mature a little, they'll appreciate you for you were for them at that period in their life. but for your own sanity, promise yourself you won't try to contact this person anymore.

[sososad]

I have other friends. It's just that this was a different kind of friendship. Well to me anyway. I had other emotions involved. It made it hard.

I am trying my best to move on. I don't sulk or talk about it to anyone. It's just that I needed to vent about it so came here.

Your right in that I should stay away from her. I will always miss her and cherish what used to be, before all hell broke loose. It still hurts.

I did try to stand up for myself, but she was always good at playing at my insecurities. She knew what they are. She used that against me I guess.

The people she is friends with used to be my friends also. Now they all hate me. Who knows what kind of bull she told them. Oh well.

[watergirl]

Thanks. I am hurting. I am trying so hard to move on, but I don't know what it is I did wrong to this person to be treated so poorly. It's like I wasn't treated like a person,but some object.

Her new love is rich, takes her places, buys her things. I think I just didn't have enough money to keep her interested in my as a friend or anything else. It hurts to be first rejected as a lover, than to be rejected as a friend and now to be ignored.

My life feels so messed up. I don't want to hurt anymore. I don't want to be rejected anymore. I just cannot take anymore.

However I miss my friend.

 

You know what sweetie, I know you're hurting and we've all been there at one point or another. However, first and foremost this woman was *not* your friend to begin with. Obviously she was using you as other posters have said. You will be able to move on as time goes by and you heal. You said it yourself when you said you were not treated like a person. If it was your money (or lack thereof) that she was after, and not you as a person, did you really want to be with her anyway? If she does not treat you well, is that the kind of friend you want?

 

It hurts now but take comfort in the fact that she did not treat you well. Help yourself by not calling her or having any other communication. Just stop. If she calls you, don't answer--no matter what she claims the reason is. Don't let her treat you with less than you deserve! Eventually you will become stronger.

 

Mostly when people treat you poorly for no apparent reason, it is NOTHING you did; it is because they have some issues within themselves. It has to do with how they feel about themselves that they project on to you--and they need someone to blame and take it out on, so they pick the closest one to them.

 

So don't worry about your "friend" any more--I know you miss her and probably think you love her but honestly, at the end of the day you;ll look back and wonder what you ever saw in someone so mean.