Can you get over a relationship and still be friends?

[Tonk]

I was wondering if anyone could advice on the following problem I have been seeing a girl who is still getting over an ex. yes i know people on the forum have said stop but its sort of going ok as we are just very close friends. The problem is she doesnt seem to want to move on and seems willing to waste her life on an impossible past relationship. Facts

 

1. the guy lives in US she is in Australia

2. the guy keeps telling here that he doesnt want a relationship with her and then starts contacting her and saying they are special friends (i.e. he can fantasize about her and if when they meet up every couple of years he has someon to spend time with etc...)

 

Questions

1. Are there people that actualy waste their whole lifes like this as she seems resigned to?

2. Does anyone feel it can be positive for someone to keep in contact with someone who is such a destructive influence (all her close friends have been telling her to cease contact with him but she doesnt feel that is the way to seek closure).

3. does anyone have any advice on how to help afriend who is doing this to herself?

[The Morrigan]

You could always send her here!

 

But seriously, it sounds like the best HE'S willing to offer is a "long distance friends with benefits" which is plain silly. He's said he doesn't want a relationship, just basically a friendship where they could have a fling if and when they meet. This does NOT translate into her being his "one and only," and I sincerely DOUBT it will. Now, if she was maintaining contact because she was fine with that state of affairs, it would be one thing, but it seems she's hoping it'll lead to more. It's hard to get any kind of closure hanging on to someone when they're giving you what they wish to, but not what you need. Closure, real closure, comes from decisions and resolutions reached within oneself, not from someone else. It's going to take til she realizes she's responsible for her own closure, coming to terms with their basic mismatch of what they both want, and seeing she deserves better, for her to let go of the contact I suspect. Good luck getting her to see that somehow - but it's something she won't see until she's open to it and ready to start moving on.