No Contact seems to mean FOREVER? (help)

[DestructoBoy]

Hello everyone!

 

I have been following the '"no contact" rule for almost a month now. During that time she left me a gift on x-mas eve (my book and my fav. pair of her thong underwear) This confused me greatly. Yet, she never called once to say Merry Christmas or Happy New Year.

 

She has however, called two of MY good friends to say hello and Happy Holidays? Why? They didn't know why either and aren't to fond of her because of her gift to me. I'm confused to what she's doing?

 

I guess she's just so happy in her new life with her "friend" she's seeing?

 

But she always told me that we needed a little space for a while? She said that she never HAD the chance to miss me even when we were together?

 

Is she just trying to be nice and tell me to piss off?

 

Well, I've been good and actually don't even know what I'd say to her now anyway? I still love her and hope she is happy in her life but this distance is making me a little more bitter too? I feel she has just completely forgotten me....................

 

I'm a great guy and spent nearly 5 years with her! How could she just forget me?

[May85]

Sorry for being a bit off-topic, but what's the "no contact rule"?

[DestructoBoy]

Supposedly you don't attempt or make any sort of contact w/your ex after break up.......vm, text, calling, etc.

 

It seems to work for some, but not this cat!?

 

It either makes them wonder how you are and have them contact you because they miss you....................

 

Or in my case I gees not hearing from them gives you more time to heal and move on.

 

My case makes me very bitter considering the bs my ex has pulled!! And that hasn't helped me to heal. It just leaves me with terrible sadness.

[bdub]

The no contact rule has many benefits. Mainly, though, its meant to give both people time to heal from the pain of the break up. In a lot of situations, one or both of the people might decide that they are better off with the person than they are without. Other times, the two parties just allow themselves to heal and move on in thier separate ways. In either situation, healing has to occur. You get back together, or you don't but either way, both people have healed, and that is the important part.

 

Destructo, I remember reading about your last encounter with the ex. It seems to me that she is trying to get your attention. If I were you, I'd just let it be, at least until you aren't pining over her anymore. Until when you see her, your heart doesn't leap up into your throat.

 

Good luck and stay strong. Best Wishes,

bdub

[neallo82288]

It seems that if the no contact rule to work, it takes time. I've noticed that they start recontacting aafter 2-6 months. Move on with your life and the day you quit pinning for her is the day she will call. I have heaard it several times in here. Just move on with your life and get over her. Work out and make sure you start to feel good about yourself. She may never call again, but you have to move on so you do not miss out on the girl that could be your soulmate.

[disEnchantid]

I think that is really good advice. I am currently suffering through the no-contact with my ex and each night I go to sleep feeling like I am okay with things and then wake up in the morning missing him and feeling really badly about what happened. I didn't understand how he could just cut me off and it felt really cruel of him, but I am seeing from people's posts that it is not really uncommon and probably doing me more good than harm (though it is hard to really believe that right now). It is definitely a shock to the system to go from one day having someone completely involved in your life and the next not there at all, but I also know how hard it was in past break-ups where there was still contact, and simple things like hearing there is a new person in their life can set you back to square one emotionally. So while it is really difficult, I think that you are right, and your suggestion that it often makes it easier for one to find a new "soulmate" gives me hope.

[DestructoBoy]

Does anyone think it's just plainly simple that our (exes) are completely satisfied with their new endeavors thereforeeee NEVER looking back to what was?

Maybe it's a momentary glimpse of complete happiness they haven't seen in awhile? Something extraordinarily new and exciting. I'm sure if any of the above constitutes no contact ....I'm screwed!!

 

But all relationships do fade for the most part. The fun is usually captured in the beginning...then the fun can sometimes become routine.

 

I had so much fun with my ex and showed her so many places and things. I can't believe someone could show anymore? Specially some naive 19 year old.

 

SO I stay steadfast with my "no contact" though I love her more than the smell of fresh rain. I know deep down she's gone...but she'll have to break through someday?

 

I HATE IT!! It's supposed to make HER wonder what I'M doing not vice versa!!!

 

Any input lads?................................

[vfunkera]

i can't really add more on what was said above.

 

The G-strings and stuff she sent you, the phone calls to your best mates, that was all done because she misses you, and is getting curious that you are moving on. I can't think of any other reason for her to do that. And that is a good sign because you are stepping in the right direction in terms of the ex so keep it up! Dont give in!

 

Don't worry about her, the more you think about her, the more questions and curiosity will be raised. She has control of the situation when you are chasing her. You must now run and let her chase- you will have the control. I know that this no contact is tempting and frustrating. Try to pass the time and take your mind off her. Keep yourself busy. Hobbies, new wardrobe, hairstyle, get fit, new hobby, new book stuff like that. It'll keep your mind busyand off her.

 

The past is the past Destructo. It cannot be changed. Instead you must learn from it. Learn from all the things that you (honestly) felt were wrong in the relationship, and what was the cause of your break up. You did what you could in that relaionship, and she has now turned away from it, and it will be up to her to turn back.

 

Good luck, you will make it. Get up, stand tall and they will come back for more!

[DestructoBoy]

The biggest fear my friends, is my ex breaking the no contact to tell me she's engaged or prego. I think I would die.

 

I wonder if she's truly happy? She's the party girl and the guys she's hanging out with aren't 21 so it's all house parties. That has to get old after awhile....it did for me years ago. I'm thinking that's when she'll realize a few things and think of me. LOOK....I'm fooling myself. She's a beautiful girl and will find plenty of guys at any level. But none of them will be me because we share a GREAT history

 

I'm still not going to call and have encouraged my friends to talk to her on a "need to" basis. She doesn't even really ask about me though? She talks about here self mainly? How do you translate that one Vfunkera?

 

SO Vfunkera......do you think it's a good sign to get the underwear? Does it show that she's really thinking about me or is she just messing with me?

And the calls? She won't call me but only two of my good friends? Other than that she makes no effort to show me she cares or thinks about me, and that hurts a lot.............

[bdub]

Its good that you are asking these questions on this forum destructo, because it seems like you are still chasing her. Not that I blame you.

 

You asked whether the ex will start a new life and never look back. I don't think that is truly possible. They may look back and have no regrets about what happened and not want to go back to it. They may look back and really miss what you had. But when I broke up with my first girlfriend, I went through a time when I was happy with my decision, then for about a year I was really depressed about what I had done. I think it is really part of the healing process to go through a range of emotions regarding your ex, regardless of who was the dumper and who was dumped.

 

One thing I have read many times and I have a perspective on is why did so and so leave without any reason. I read somewhere that this is one of those times that initiates our "fight or flight" response. Meaning, it is a very stressful time and we either fight our way through it e.g. arguing, fighting, etc. Or we take flight, meaning we just walk away, to avoid dealing with the pain and other emotions surrounding the breakup. I think that is what happened to me and so many other people. Their exs really were hurt by the situation and just chose to walk away. I normally choose the conversational approach to problem solving, but thats just me.

 

So if you are wondering why your ex just walked away from such a wonderful relationship without feeling any remorse, I think most likely they are just putting on a stronger face than you. And I think that maybe the "fight ro flight" thing might be something you should think about.

 

Best Wishes,

bdub