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he is so confusing.. what does he want?


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background: we were in a serious relationship for over a year, most of which was semi long distance. he would come see me for a few days every couple weeks when he wasn't working. our relationship was really good for the most part - only a couple arguments here and there. it was mostly the distance that put stress on us. then back in may i started to feel like he was being distant, so i called him on it. he basically told me he didn't know what he wanted and thought the long distance thing wasn't working for him. i decided to initiate ending it cause he wouldn't do it, but i knew deep down that's what he wanted.


6 days later he called me saying he wanted to make things better and go back to how it was before. things went back to normal for about another month. then after a great weekend together, he started acting distant again. so again i brought it up when he called me. the distance issue came up again, and he said that the way he saw us heading was to get more serious but to do that we'd have to move in together and that freaked him out because he saw engagement etc, afterward. (just fyi: i'm still in school for at least another year, so i can't go anywhere until i'm finished that and he hates the city i live in). i asked him if he just wanted to sleep with other girls and he said no, quite adamantly. i know for a fact there isn't anyone else. so basically it's a long distance/committment issue. this was all back at the end of june.


i'll try to keep the next part short. anyway, he left for a trip to the states with a buddy of his at the beginning of july, and he'll be home in about a week. since we broke up the second time it's been a pretty much constant stream of text messages and the occasional phone call. for the first few days it was just to see how i was doing, and to let me know how he was doing on his trip (they're on a roadtrip). then he started telling me how much he misses me, and that he wants to talk when he gets home. he mentioned this a couple different times. during one of our phone conversations when he called me, i asked him if he was happier now and he said no. he's worried about me and other guys. i'm not seeing anyone, but i have been hanging out with a new guy from work (completely innocent) and i think he must have seen that on facebook cause he nonchalantly asked me about it, without accusing me of anything. the latest text from him last night said that he hasn't stopped thinking about me and he'll never stop caring about me and that he still gets that "gut feeling" when he thinks about me. not exactly sure what that last part means but he said the same thing to me about a month or two after we first started dating so i'm assuming it's a good thing.


ANYWAY. my extremely long-winded question is: what does this guy want? all my friends say that it seems like he wants me back. last night he even hinted at taking me out of town for a few days when he gets home if i have time off work. he's made it very clear that he wants to see me as soon as he gets home. i've been putting off bringing up this issue with him while he's gone cause i want to talk about it face-to-face. i've been pleasant in all my messages to him and i have told him that i miss him too, but i'm trying to just leave it at that. he's initiated every single conversation and he's done all the calling.


would i be stupid to take him back? i miss him so much and i'm so sad that our relationship ended, but i've been doing well since it happened. it was such a shock to me when it happened cause he had always seemed so into it and into me. he told me he loved me first, he always made the effort to come see me, he was always telling me how happy i made him and that he couldn't believe he had won me over.


i wouldn't say i'm moving on exactly, but i have surprised myself with how well i'm doing. i don't want to get my hopes up. i told him when we ended it for the second time that i wouldn't be a doormat girlfriend and that it would not be so easy for him to come back to me again if he decided that was what he wants.


it's so hard for me because i do still love him but i don't want to get back into a relationship with him (if that's where this is headed) if the same thing is going to happen 6 months down the line. help

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also.. i'm wondering if maybe he's just saying all these things to me because he feels guilty that we're over because of him. one of his first messages to me was to say he was sorry for ruining everything and that he realised just how good he had it with me. i'm also worried that he's just being selfish and trying to keep me as a close friend without having to be in a relationship with me. that scares me, and i would probably go NC if that were the case, at least until i was over him. i can't help but feel that he's regretting it (he told me that too but i'm skeptical) but i don't want to get my hopes up only to get hurt again.

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yeah we did, not in any great detail though. at one point he suggested we move in together, but we never made any definite plans and i ended up moving in with a couple friends. he told me not too long before we broke up the first time that he would wait for me to be finished school and then we would go from there.

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i told him i was up for it. at the time i was freaking out about having a place to live for school this fall cause i had to move off campus and wasn't sure where i would go. we looked at a couple places online together but that was pretty much it.. neither of us really committed to it and then i had another place fall into my lap so i jumped on that. i'm glad now that we didn't end up moving in together, but at the time when he suggested it it seemed like the right thing to do.

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i miss him so much and i'm so sad that our relationship .........


I think your last line says it all. It all sounds very positive to me.


I think you both should go out of town for a few dfays and talk about whats really important to the both of you........sounds to me he really loves you a lot.


Sounds like you have to work out a few details, but nothing earth shattering ......


Follow your HEART !



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