Verbal abuse

[roller]

My husband's relatives and some of his friends are extremely caring and flattering to him and treat him like a god and to me they are coldly polite.

When he is not present, his relatives and two of his female friends become vicious,verbally abusive to me and tell very convincing lies about my husband eg he is going to do this or that "didn't you know?" he has told me everything about that "didn't he tell you?" He's told me he is leaving you, I wanted to tell you because I care about you. My husband refuses to believe these people are so nasty to me, or lie about him, because they are always so wonderful to him. They tell him I am abusive and very nasty to them, I have never been anything but pleasant to them. As far as he is concerned I am a disgusting liar who makes up stories "they couldn't have said those things because they are not true" and I must be very jealous.

I am his fourth wife,we have been married for 20 years. His previous wives were split personalities, acting very charming, delightful, kind and caring to some, vengeful,abusive and extremely destructive to others. One was a cheat, two were thieves and all three are very accomplished liars. I learned about them from people, who have known them well. Each marriage lasted no longer than around 6 years. My husbands family consider these women are the daughters inlaw,the sisters inlaw, the stepmothers,the step grandmothers and the aunts, they are always introduced to others by their names and titles, I am never referred to as being part of their family in any way. My husbands family know very little about me other than my christian name, nor have they ever been interested in learning anything else about me. My husband shares children with two of his ex wives, we have a child together whom they have also ignored for the most part. Most people would classify me as easy to get along with, very tolerant of peoples differences, even tempered, not perfect but generally a nice person, reasonably good looking, educated and fun. He is a good husband otherwise. Help what can I do ?

[ClementineK]

Hmmm... well... they are doing this to you 'cause they know it will drive you crazy. Don't let them know it is. Be cool and collected. As for your husband not believing you... that is a shock. Perhaps there can be some way of exposing their true colors in front of them? Perhaps have a massive romantic comedy movie marathon to gain ideas? Good luck!!!

[reovi]

I recommend audiotaping on your cell phone-many cells have a 'memo' feature where you can record small snippets of vocal recordings. Maybe you can slip it in your front pocket and pick up the trash these people are throwing at you. What a horrible situation to be in, I genuinely feel for you. I think getting proof about what they are saying is the first step, though I find it really crappy that your husband doesn't believe you, but if he wants proof in the pudding give it to him. I mean what would your motive be to lie about what they are saying?? After you get proof show it to your husband and if he doesn't stand up for you or even believe you and apologize for not trusting your word, then I guess you can make another decision at that point. However, I firmly believe you should not concern yourself with trying to make friends with these people/family any longer, you can do diplomatic and cold polite too. After all I don't think you would want to leave your kid with them after the stunts they have pulled anyway, so nuturing a relationship is moot. Your kid doesn't need that kind of family, and neither do you.