Going no contact...

[joeshmoe]

Hi all, I guess this thread is as much for me to get things out as it is for advice...

 

my girlfriend (now ex, I suppose) and I have had a very difficult relationship, with many conflicts, and now it's over...2 yrs. we lasted, sorta.

 

We got together initially because...well, there was definite attraction, but i think even more we were both going thru divorces, and we latched onto one another. She was ready for her divorce, as she had had problems w/ her marriage for years before she left...I however, had been blindsided by my wife, and was not ready for a relationship.

 

I could not commit to her for well over a year, and it was a long distance relationship at that, adding to the difficulty. She tried & tried, and I kept pushing away, up until 8-9 months ago, when i started to realize what a good person she was, and knew that I wanted to be more than just a long distance guy for her...I think basically, I pushed her away for too long, and now she's been doing the same thing, she's cold to me now. She is also very stressed about work, money, etc. (single mom) more than normal right now.

 

I tried to make plans to see her a few times lately, and there's always an excuse, one thing or another...so finally last night I told her not to call me unless she wants to spend time with me, and talk about "us"

 

it's difficult, how do you not want to call someone you've been talking to 3-4 times a day for 2+ yrs.?

 

this sucks, but I do believe everything happens for a reason.

[SpeedingCars]

Sometimes you get pushed too far, like you said. With women, it's really emotionally draining to invest your feelings into a relationship when the guy pushes you away. I think right now, she's exhausted from trying and trying only to have you brush it off.

 

My guy disappeared for two weeks and I thought the same: "How could you NOT want to call me after we've talked for billions of hours on end for 2+ years?!"

 

But sometimes people need space.

 

You admit that you've pushed her away, so she's probably hurt and guarding her heart. She is also very stressed and has work to worry about.

[kuhl282000]

Nop Contact ...is not easy for sure......I'm doing it right now and it really stinks....five years......and now she is gone.........but now I know that just maybe it really was time to move on ......I think it was for her to as much as it hurts...if they really want you they know how to contact you .........mine has decided not to .........she was really stubborn .....so in a way its like a sick game for her .........and in the end we both will more then likely lose.......after awhile you end up not wanting to contact them in fear of rejection.......last time I spoke to mine right after the break up she was really cold to me........and it hurt.....good luck.......and try and stay busy ......thats what I'm doing but I do think about her everyday ......and that part is not easy either......but I really think she has moved on and is more then likely dating already....and as much as that hurts in a strange way I am glad for her .....and I really hopes she finds happiness even if it is not going to be with me .....some stay a short time, some a little longer......but only one can stay forever.

 

Kuhl

[cpujunkie]

It sucks. Stay strong.

[joeshmoe]

man, I was close to texting or calling her this morning...I didn't but I almost did.

 

I question if I was too hasty in telling her to not call unless she's ready to talk about "us" I don't think so though...

[kuhl282000]

Follow your heart man ....if you decide to contact her you had better be prepared for rejection .....

 

Do not threaten them, that never works ....and you always lose ....people do not really like confrontations.........whatever you do, do it soft and out of love......

It's complicated now and you just have to take your chances and roll the dice.