StrawberryYogurt Posted July 22, 2008 Share Posted July 22, 2008 Explain something about dating to me. I often read on here or in real life of people having sex (physical intimacy), but then not having enough mental or emotional intimacy to even make a phone call or email to the other person shortly after (there was recent thread of this ilk) . For the life of me, I don’t understand how this can be. How can you be all “inside” someone and then not be able to be open about your interest and feelings? No wonder dating in this society is so messed up. Most people have it all backwards. At the very least, physical and emotional intimacy should go hand in hand. What do you think? Link to comment
ghost69 Posted July 22, 2008 Share Posted July 22, 2008 you have to learn to detach physical from emotional. it's actually very simple. it's not as easy for women to differentiate the two. they should not go hand in hand or your life will really be hard. Link to comment
Pegasus Posted July 22, 2008 Share Posted July 22, 2008 At the very least, physical and emotional intimacy should go hand in hand. What do you think? There is no strict rule about it - you do what suits you. I believe that those two can be completely separate. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted July 22, 2008 Share Posted July 22, 2008 i know if i kept emotional attachment and physical attachment or attraction in the same category, i'd be an emotional wreck. Link to comment
madmarten Posted July 22, 2008 Share Posted July 22, 2008 you have to learn to detach physical from emotional. it's actually very simple. it's not as easy for women to differentiate the two. they should not go hand in hand or your life will really be hard. But couldn't you argue exactly the opposite? I guess it depends on your attitude/expectations/plan in life at the moment. What are you getting at? I don't want to put words in your mouth. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted July 22, 2008 Share Posted July 22, 2008 you have to learn to detach physical from emotional. it's actually very simple. it's not as easy for women to differentiate the two. they should not go hand in hand or your life will really be hard. Actually if you detach the physical from the emotional, you are no better than some animals in the wild who just go through the rutting season. Actually many animals in the wild mate for life...they know instinctively about physical and "emotional" bonds going hand in hand, they are more highly evolved than many humans! Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted July 22, 2008 Share Posted July 22, 2008 Explain something about dating to me. I often read on here or in real life of people having sex (physical intimacy), but then not having enough mental or emotional intimacy to even make a phone call or email to the other person shortly after (there was recent thread of this ilk) . For the life of me, I don’t understand how this can be. How can you be all “inside” someone and then not be able to be open about your interest and feelings? No wonder dating in this society is so messed up. Most people have it all backwards. At the very least, physical and emotional intimacy should go hand in hand. What do you think? The reason why this happens is because people are rushing into having sex with someone before getting to know them...the whole dating scene is backwards...give me an orgasm first and prove to me you are a good sex partner and then I will take me time deciding if I really do like you as an individual. Link to comment
MD Geist Posted July 22, 2008 Share Posted July 22, 2008 Dating and women have been nothing but a bad experience for me so far. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted July 22, 2008 Share Posted July 22, 2008 in order for a relationship to work, YES, ABSOLUTELY, you need both physical and emotional to work. usually emotional is what ends up not working. this is why so many physical acts happen with no attachment. also, people do have needs just like the next person. if you think both should go hand in hand, great. but i will never think that. Link to comment
StrawberryYogurt Posted July 22, 2008 Author Share Posted July 22, 2008 The reason why this happens is because people are rushing into having sex with someone before getting to know them...the whole dating scene is backwards...give me an orgasm first and prove to me you are a good sex partner and then I will take me time deciding if I really do like you as an individual. +1,000,000. I couldn't have written any better myself. It's very selfish and not all that intelligent of people to think that way, I can only hope that will change in the future, but I doubt it. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted July 22, 2008 Share Posted July 22, 2008 The reason why this happens is because people are rushing into having sex with someone before getting to know them...the whole dating scene is backwards...give me an orgasm first and prove to me you are a good sex partner and then I will take me time deciding if I really do like you as an individual. +1,000,000. I couldn't have written any better myself. It's very selfish and not all that intelligent of people to think that way, I can only hope that will change in the future, but I doubt it. uhm, i think it's more or less humans are physical by nature. not because people are unintelligent. Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted July 22, 2008 Share Posted July 22, 2008 Strawberry, I couldn't agree with you more! Call me old fashioned, but I call it "putting the cart before the horse". If you feel that you know someone well enough to get naked with, why on earth would you feel that you can't call them, ask a question, and so on? What happened to getting to know the person first? I'm sure everyone has a different opinion on this, and I respect that. This is just my take on it. Link to comment
poloplayer Posted July 22, 2008 Share Posted July 22, 2008 I was 16 years old. It wasn't that long ago actually. My then manager was a wise sage in my life. He told me: Don't sleep with her and then try to date her and then get to know her. You're supposed to get to know her, date her, and then sleep with her. I didn't understand that concept until after college. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted July 22, 2008 Share Posted July 22, 2008 sex happens. when it does, it's at the consent of both involved. so, freak out because omg we had sex? no. if you feel emotion to continue the relationship, so be it. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted July 22, 2008 Share Posted July 22, 2008 uhm, i think it's more or less humans are physical by nature. not because people are unintelligent. No, not unintelligent...just choosing to think with their genitals rather than their brain. Sure humans are physical..but we were given a higher brain power than other animals so that we can use it to think...not just go blindly along letting our genitals rule our actions. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted July 22, 2008 Share Posted July 22, 2008 While I am not into casual sex, I know that some people are. It doesn't make them animals or less intelligent if they just want to haVe sex for the sake of having sex. I don't think I could, but I am not in the minds or pants of everyone on earth. If someone is an adult and wants to get off one night it is their business and doesn't make them animals or stupid. Th eonly time I get frustrated with this type of person is when they make this choice then get angry when the person they slept with doesn't want a relationship with them when they decide to change their mind. Link to comment
jenny_mcs Posted July 22, 2008 Share Posted July 22, 2008 I don't think I could, but I am not in the minds or pants of everyone on earth. If someone is an adult and wants to get off one night it is their business and doesn't make them animals or stupid. Th eonly time I get frustrated with this type of person is when they make this choice then get angry when the person they slept with doesn't want a relationship with them when they decide to change their mind. Agree 100%. I don't understand the posters who are calling having casual sex "stupid." Like Jaded Star said, it's not for me, but I am having a hard time understanding why posters on this thread are so judgmental about it. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted July 22, 2008 Share Posted July 22, 2008 I never said they were animals in the sense of vulgar...I meant they are behaving like animals in the wild who go strictly by their animal instincts rather than by emotional, loving thought processes. If someone who is into casual sex uses the argument, "I have physical needs"...then clearly they are not using their higher brain power, they are using the animal rutting instincts. Link to comment
Lily04 Posted July 22, 2008 Share Posted July 22, 2008 I just rated this thread 5 stars as well. I agree with you, Strawberry.. I want emotional connection AND commitment before sexual intimacy. I see sex as an expression of love or commitment, instead of just an expression of "wow I just met you 5 mins. ago - wanna F***?' But that was my view. Now I am not looking for a relationship or commitment, and this is really the first time in my life I have never been looking for it. So I think I may be willing to go ahead & have sex without being in a relationship. I would still want some emotional connection, etc. not just lust though. With all the STDs, etc. around, I think people should exercise some caution in choosing their sex partners. Link to comment
lady00 Posted July 23, 2008 Share Posted July 23, 2008 For me they are intertwined and always will be. It's a personal choice, and I, personally, can't have it any other way. The good thing is, it's totally possible to avoid physical intimacy where the emotional intimacy is lacking. We can choose to avoid those situations if it suits us...and it suits me well...so that is what I do. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted July 23, 2008 Share Posted July 23, 2008 No, not unintelligent...just choosing to think with their genitals rather than their brain. Sure humans are physical..but we were given a higher brain power than other animals so that we can use it to think...not just go blindly along letting our genitals rule our actions. agree to disagree then. Link to comment
Nixee Posted July 23, 2008 Share Posted July 23, 2008 While I am not into casual sex, I know that some people are. It doesn't make them animals or less intelligent if they just want to haVe sex for the sake of having sex. I don't think I could, but I am not in the minds or pants of everyone on earth. If someone is an adult and wants to get off one night it is their business and doesn't make them animals or stupid. Th eonly time I get frustrated with this type of person is when they make this choice then get angry when the person they slept with doesn't want a relationship with them when they decide to change their mind. I like this take on things. You don't have to be into "casual sex" yourself in order to accept that it DOES happen between consenting adults, and that is ok. Just because something is not personally right for YOU and YOUR lifestyle, does not mean it is wrong, and does not mean the people who do and can function that way are irresponsible or are harming themselves or other people. Some of us humans are, just as ghost has pointed out, just very physical and very sexual creatures. I personally value both things... I want a deeper emotional connection with someone very much... I want a long term committed relationship. But I've felt sexually 'thunderstruck' before, so to speak, as well... and so be it. I know I'm not an animal, I know I'm highly intelligent... and anyone who judges me otherwise for my behavior... well, they'd be wrong. If I want more from a partner and things don't work out... sure it can hurt and be frustrating, but that is part of maturity... knowing the risk you take. Link to comment
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