My gf and her bestfriend

[DjSystemz]

Just a bit of background. Around a month ago my girlfriend snapped and broke up with me one night because she couldn't handle my jealousy and controlling ways. Next night she called me balling her eyes out because she wanted to still be with me. I wanted to still be with her and i told her i promise i will change. It has been a month since that has happened and things are going very well. I have learned to trust my girlfriend, learned to not get jealous of who she hangs out with, and learned mainly just to trust

 

My gf has a best friend and his name is Mike. They have known each other for a good year and he lives two houses down from her. When i first met him he was a nice guy and we hung out sometimes and i had no problem with the guy at all. Until recently. I found out that Mike is obsessed with my girlfriend. He wants to be with her and is jealous that I am dating her. When she broke up with me and we got back together, I heard that Mike was not a happy camper. The next day he spoke to one of my friends and he explained to him how I was such a dishonest person, that i treat my girlfriend like crap, and how if he was with her he would treat her so much better than i am right now.

 

This made me very angry. When i heard about what he said i explained to my girlfriend that I did not respect her best friend at all. He talked all this crap about me and hid his true feelings for 3 months. How he was nothing but fake to me and i don't trust him. I told her I do not want to hang out with him I don't even want to be near him. When she found out all of this was true they fought with him for a good week or so then came to terms i guess because now they started hanging out again. Last night my girlfriend told me she understood why i don't like her best friend and asked me if I would be upset if she still hung out with him. I told her that I couldn't do anything, I don't trust the kid and I'm not going to control you on who you can and cannot hang out with. But in true reality I don't want her hanging out with him. I don't like him and I have never said this before in my life by for once in my life i actually hate this kid now. So today my gf is hanging out with him and I'm a bit ticked off. But I feel like there is nothing I can do about it. Or is there something I can?

[deleted-account]

You sound reasonable to me. You've let your gf know it bothers you when they hang out, and she does it anyway. It would make me worry.

 

I'm also not a fan of the 1 day breakup. You don't know how involved he was with that.

 

Anything else wrong with the relationship?

[DjSystemz]

nothing else is wrong with it. we are very happy together and Mike is too shy and not assertive enough to even make a move on my gf. Also my gf would never allow it because we have talked about it before. But I don't like her hanging out with him. But I don't think my opinion matters because they are too good of friends. I just don't know what to do really

[redhearts]

I was in her exact position, except I pretty much didn't want to be with my bf, lol.

 

Best friend, will do or say anything to get with her and sabotage your relationship with this girl. IF HE WAS a real best friend, he back off like mine did. My best friend I known for six years though, yes he was all in love with me, but he backed off. He said I don't like this guy hes a loser, HE WAS hahahaha. But he backed off.

 

So put it this way your girl is just messing around in my mind to be hanging out with someone only being friends for a year and claimin to be best friends?? uhh huh. She hasn't known him that long so in all honestly she could not really see him all too much.

[Lionel Hutz]

Simply put your girlfriend should not do things that will make you angry. A guy who has a crush on your girlfriend is not her "best friend" he is essentially a predator. If she is happy with you, he does not care since he is not getting what he wants. Thats no friend. I would not like this guy either. Dont get jealous just act like you dont care. "Thats cool babe im gonna go out with jimmy." If anything is going to happen its going to happen, you cant stop it. And if it does you move on and find someone new. Guy friends are tough, especially if you know they have a crush on your g/f. Now thats the peaceful thing to do.

 

Truth be told I woulda kicked this guys ass already but I know some may not agree with me. Thats just how I was raised. Respect is a big thing especially when it comes to someone elses girlfriend. By no means am I recommending you do this but sometimes men will be men.

[DjSystemz]

i just called her because i wanted to talk about how this mike kid is bothering me. i asked her what she was doing and she told me she was at mikes house watching a movie. i told her to call me when she was done hanging out with him because something is bothering me and i need to talk to her about it.

 

someone please tell me how to say this without me getting into an argument with her. arguments broke us apart last time

[Lionel Hutz]

"How would you feel if I hung out with a girl all of the time who had a crush on me. This is beginning to hurt my feelings. Although this may not be your intention I can't help it. This guy likes you and does not care about our relationship. If you continue to be around this person who is obviously attracted to you then I'm left to believe you dont care about what we have. I dont do things to hurt you, and I think i deserve the same respect. Why are you in such a close proximity to someone who obviously does not want to be just your friend?" Let her know that you are not going to argue about your emotions, and simply ask why attention from this person is so important? Don't yell at all

[DjSystemz]

I spoke with her before your last post. I told her that it was bothering me a lot that she was hanging out with him. she told me she wasn't mad because i felt this way. she understood everything and i have a good reason not to respect him. she told me he is still her friend and kind of left it at that. she didnt go into detail about anything. she told me she only was there around an hour then she came home. he wanted to go to the movies with her but she refused and really didn't feel like going. so im not too sure what she is thinking and such. i wish she went into more detail about it

[Lionel Hutz]

Only time will tell my friend best of luck. Its hard to be the nice guy, I know. Dont be insecure and pick and choose what and when you choose to vent. Best of luck to you.

[Lucy__lou]

I understand that it would bother you, but it might help if you try to focus on some things from their perspectives:

 

1. this guy may be in love with your girlfriend, and it must be very painful for him that she's with you and not him, so lashing out and having episodes of hating you is only to be expected, but with any luck, he'll manage his emotions responsibly, and deal with things as they are. He may also love her as a friend, and so her being with you isn't a deal breaker, because he values her friendship, and for that she should consider herself lucky to have a real friend.

 

2. your girlfriend's loyalty to her friend may be inconvenient for you in these circumstances, but at the end of the day, do you want to have a girlfriend who is the kind of person who would ditch her best friend for her boyfriend, or do you want to be with a girl who has a big heart, who cares for her friends, and who can handle the complications of a friend falling for her and not flake out and ditch them when stuff gets too hard and complicated?

 

Life's not easy. And wishing for her to ditch her best friend is simplistic and mean.

 

If you can manage to both let her know that this stuff distresses you, but also let her know that you respect her right to hang out with him, and if she in turn can let you know that she feels for you and what you're going through, then you're in a better position to ride out this complicated situation from a position of caring and good intentions. In the end, if you stay fair, you are in a stronger position, and eventually her friend will have the choice to either continue to suffer, or to get over wanting your girlfiend and just be her platonic friend, or to move on. Your best bet is to be strong and understanding, and act with integrity at all times.