Effects of Divorce

[vwright]

Do you think when parents get divorced this effects their child's outlook on relationships?

 

I am sure it all depends on age...but at what age range do you think it starts to effect a child's outlook?

 

And why are so many relationships ending these days...divorce, infidelity... why do people cheat?

[woahisme13]

My parents divorced when I was 14/15. At the time I tried to distance myself from both of my parents. I am much closer to both of them today then I was ten years ago. But I still harbor a lot of trust and abandonment issues. I think it is beacuse of their divorce/ fighting. My outlook on relationships thus far is that finding one that will stand the test of time is 1 in a million chance. I've only become attached to 2 of the women I have ever dated and I find it very hard to allow myself to become close to other people. Again I think it has a lot to do with when the divorce occurred during a crucial time in my emotional development.

[vwright]

My parents divorced when I was 14/15. At the time I tried to distance myself from both of my parents. I am much closer to both of them today then I was ten years ago. But I still harbor a lot of trust and abandonment issues. I think it is beacuse of their divorce/ fighting. My outlook on relationships thus far is that finding one that will stand the test of time is 1 in a million chance. I've only become attached to 2 of the women I have ever dated and I find it very hard to allow myself to become close to other people. Again I think it has a lot to do with when the divorce occurred during a crucial time in my emotional development.

 

Yeah my parents were divorced when I was that age as well, and because it is such a crucial time of development in children i strongly feel that it effects a childs future in relationships....but do you really think we are doomed? you said its a 1 in a million chance to find someone that will stand the test of time so will u never marry? or just going to keep searching?

[Loki71]

getting a divorce with kids is not easy for anyone. My parents came close several times when I was a kid. I did get married and looking back now I think my prents staying together even though they are not really happy may have been worse for me. I think it gave me a bad idea as to what marriage is and how I treated my wife. I see now I am just like my father so it can go bad either way

[Excalibur]

I believe how the parents present it to the child, and how it is actually handled in action consistently over time is the key element.

 

The 'marriage" of two parents to a child is not relevant. The marraige is a partnership for adult pleasure and convenience.

 

If the child had no real change as to the prioritization, attention, and providership/nurturing by both parents, they wouldn't care if the parents were married, cohabitational or not.

 

Most adults are not willing to work together to provide this environment as it interfers with finding another "adult partner"...that is the issue.

[sadenni]

My parents split when I was about 8, but I was aware that they were having problems even before that. My father walked out on us, but was around for visitation. My mom had custody of my siblings and me. I think growing up in a broken home definitely changes your perspectives on relationships. I tend to trust men too easily (you'd think it'd be the opposite I am in a relationship and things go sour, I start to think about my partner leaving me, just like my father did. Overall, I have a pretty bleak outlook on relationships, as several other women in my family are divorced as well...hopefully I can break the cycle.... In any case, it is better to see them happy instead of fighting in an unhealthy relationship.

 

Perhaps the more complicated lifestyles put strain on marriages? People are far busier than they were 30 or 40 years ago...and the time spent bonding with one's family is now going to work or other endeavors. The significant other may feel neglected and children become frustrated because they don't have enough attention from both parents...that seems like a possibility.

[woahisme13]

Yeah my parents were divorced when I was that age as well, and because it is such a crucial time of development in children i strongly feel that it effects a childs future in relationships....but do you really think we are doomed? you said its a 1 in a million chance to find someone that will stand the test of time so will u never marry? or just going to keep searching?

 

I don't think we are doomed. I just think that there are some issues involved and it will take someone who truley loves you to get past them. I was actually engaged up until this spring. But since both of my parents cheated on eachother, which led to thier divorce, I have a lot of trust and jealousy issues. The woman I itended to marry found it easier to move on to a new relationship than to work through those issues with me. So maybe I had a reason for being that way to begin with... Anyway, I am getting off track.

 

I am going to continue searching. Because I believe that there is someone great out there. But I do think that since my parents divorced I feel a certain pressure to make things work. That may be a reason for some of the failed relationships. But with every break up comes a stepping stone to learn and to grow as a person. And that really gives the next relationship a better chance of surpasing te last.

[vwright]

by the way...i love your counting crows quote at the bottom...props to that

[britt92084]

my parents divorced when I was 15, but by then they were so hateful and horrible to each other. sleeping in separate rooms for almost ten years. it was ridiculous.

 

the fighting was horrible. and I realize that about the first year and half of my boyfriend and I's relationship, the fighting was like my parents except maybe a little worse.

 

AT the time, I thought of the way we fought as just something that couples do. it was normal in my book. we both had to stop the bad traits we learned from our parents.

 

I've realized what we had is unhealthy but I feel bad for my bro. because he was with a psyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyycho girl for about 4 years. and their relationship was so much worse. and him seeing my parents that way, and him having a girl like that, he thinks all girls are like that. and it didnt help he saw me and my bf at first the same way.

 

I just hope one day he realizes that not all couples are like this....

[Dani0613]

What if you're with someone who is a child of divorce? My ex gf is 24. Birth parents divorced when she was 4, both remarried. Mom divorced from step father when she was 18 and then her birth father divorced from her step mother. Both parents are in ANOTHER relationship. Mom is remarried to third husband and father is just about to get engaged again...

 

My gf's second step father --dad from age 4 - 18-- died suddenly this past April. As a result of everything, she decided to end our relationship. I have a feeling that the divorces she went thru at a young age have influenced her outlook on relationships and dont know how to handle things.

 

I honestly would have NEVER abandoned her or left her...but I can't make her see that, or can I? As children of divorce..have you ever ended a relationship b/c you felt you needed to be alone to stand on your own two feet??

[ZeldaPrinces]

I am 17 on Thursday, and my parents separated 3 weeks ago.

I pushed my Mam into it, because she was scared of leaving but she knew she had to as Dad was very overpowering and cruel. I was so glad with the separation but it has heavily affected how I see relationships, friendship and romance, and I don't trust anybody. I have seen how Dad could be to Mam, and I remember when they were young how much happier they were. I am so scared to befriend people or enter a relationship ever because I am scared of the same thing happening to me, I don't want to waste my life in a relationship that starts good and ends awful. It's so much better after a separation though...its the fighting for the 16 years I have been alive that I hated.