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Thoughts and opinions would be highly appreciated


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I met Kaity, my ex girlfriend of six months, in class during the beginning of my senior year. She was new, starting her senior year at a fresh high school. Her whole life she has been drug around state to state and city to city. By the time we graduated, she had attended over 8 high schools through middle school and high school. It all started when I was goofing around in ag class, and accidentally broke a wagon (the wheel spun off and rolled around) and pulled it away on 3 wheels to hide it from my ag teacher. Everyone was cracking up, including her. Laughing her ass off, she came up to me and we started talking. I couldn't resist flirting with the smile I received. Something about this girl gave me this happy weird feeling inside. We exchanged numbers and slowly started to text each other. At first it was only a text once a week, and then slowly progressed to texting 3-4 times a day. One thing I started to notice about Kaity was she rarely took compliments well, and seemed to be really self conscious, always called herself fat (later on in the relationship)). It took a total of 2-3 months before we finally decided that we were going to be a couple. From then on, we spent every day with each other. From the point she got off work, until 3-4 am in the morning, we were with each other whether we were going out or watching a movie at her house. We did everything a married couple would do. (Sex, etc) Everything was PERFECT. We never fought, and rarely even disagreed. When we did disagree, we agreed to disagree, and never spoke of the incident. We enrolled in college together and were completely excited for the future. She told me she was definitely going to stay in Texas and she was tired of moving around. She said she is staying here, and told her parents that no matter what she's staying. She said her parents said okay and everything was perfect (She's about to turn eighteen). 3 or so weeks ago, we decided to take a trip to my moms. On the way there, we had an actual argument when I jokingly brought up that I haven't been able to see her much the last few days. She starting yelling, "Because you sleep until 6 PM!", which wasn't the case. Although my schedule was screwed up for a while, the last few days I was up early and spending time with her. I got angry and eventually she started crying when I brought up how she was acting weird around the time we graduated. In tears, she said, "Travis, do you realize I have no one here. Do you realize how many people said good bye to me from high school? I've moved around my entire life, it's sad, I'm not use to having friends. I cried the entire way home from graduation, because I felt out of place. I had no one and you were having a blast with everyone." My heart sank and I started to cuddle with her and got her to stop crying and smiling. We had a fun time at my moms house and we headed back. Half way home, she fell asleep while I drove us back. When I got to her house, I woke her up and she kissed me good bye and said she loved me. I said the same and drove home. The next day, I wasn't in the best mood and didn't text her. She sent me a text that night and stated that she has to see her family more and that she might have to move to Ohio to be with her family for a while. At that moment I half way realized that we were actually broking up, and couldn't sleep. We talked on the phone and she told me she had to move to Ohio.The next morning, I drove to the candy store and scanned through the bucket of sour patch kids to pick every red piece they had. It took me 30 minutes and finally I had a bag full of about 200. I purchased the bag, and also bought a dozen roses as well as a good bye card. I went home and got a huge envelope and put everything I've kept that she has given me. Every movie stub, note, flower, card, etc. She texted me saying that she spoke to her mom and that she thinks she shouldn't have a bf because she would be moving and it would make it hard. She promised me we could go for a walk and talk about things, and eventually said her parents restricted her from meeting me as it would make it harder. With eyes full of tears, I drove to her house and met her father which was in her driveway. I couldn't speak to him, but he acted normal. I was crying so hard, I couldn't attempt a conversation. I handed him the dozen roses, the good bye card, and the candy I got her and left. From then on, she never texts me. She never acknowledged the roses, candy, or the note I wrote her. I try and be nice and just ask how she's doing, and let her know that I want to be her friend, and she treats me like total garbage. I'm extremely nice, and she treats me in the most cruel way possible. She said it's too hard to talk, and I haven't spoken to her in 3 weeks. She also won't text me, claiming it's also too hard. Although I would LOVE to have the life I was living for the last 6 months (minus the last 3 weeks ;[), I could settle with being her friend. She's shows absolutely no interest in being my friend, and actually acts like I killed one of her family members or something. Her replies are full of anger and hate and it's killing me. I cry everyday. I dream of her nightly. I don't know what to do. Today I sent her a few texts stating that I was giving up on being her friend, and that she'll never imagine the pain she's causing me by not allowing a friendship. After 6 months of being with her everyday, I find it hard to go from being 'soul mates' to having absolutely NO contact with her. It's eating me alive, and the pain is unbearable. I have snooped around on the boards and everyone insists on NC in order to initiate the healing stage. Should I bite the bullet and go NC, while bearing the pain. Or should I give her time, and slowly text her asking how she is. All I want to know is how she's doing, and just a few texts a week, and I would be satisfied. It's not just the frequency of texts, it's the fact that I want to know she's my friend, rather than she hates my guts. I know this is a huge block of text, but I really wanted to detail my experience in order to give as many hints/possibilities for why she might have left me. All thoughts, advice, opinions, tips would be highly appreciated. I really hope I posted this in the right section, if not, would a moderator or administrator kindly move it to the right section. Thanks!

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Dear Coldone,


I can feel the pain and agony you are in. I am sorry that you weren't ready or expecting anything like this to happen.


Your ex must also be going through a lot of pain as well. Her life hasn't been stable at all with all those moves. Her cutting herself like this could be the only way she could cope and survive this situation. Some people, I believe, just shuts down when things get overwhelming, and that's the way they survive the painful situation.


As painful as this may be to you, I think the only thing you can do is to let her be. If she wants to remain friends with you and communicate to you, she will. But if she doesn't want to, your texting her, calling her, won't make that happen.


I know this is very very hurtful to you, but things like this happen as you can read from the posts in this forum.


I am sorry you have to go through with this, but try to get your life back without her for now.

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sorry to her it man...but realistically, like the poster above me said, she probably has to just cut ties to avoid more pain.


I'd stop texting, etc. I've been down that road myself, and everytime you send a text, you just sit & hope, and wait for a response, and when you don't get one, it starts the hurt all over again. Let her go, and let yourself get comfortable again without her.


one thing i've learned so far is that it is "better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all" cliche? yes...but also true, IMO.


take care.

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