is it bad to turn to Exes in times of emotional vulnerability??

[SarCareBear]

okay the title is just ASKING for it. by emotional vulnerability, i mean the girl i had just been breifly seeing broke it off with me tonight and lo and behold, i am chatting online for a longer amount of time than i have in months with my ex (whom i mostly choose to ignore due to the fact that she basically broke my heart for lack of better terms.)

 

my ex and i had a rough breakup, which is weird since we were only together for like three months. but it was an intense three months since we were at school, same friends, saw eachother almost every day. basically i was mad she was dumping me, she was mad i wouldn't be her friend, and i spent the whole year semi-angrily avoiding her except in moments of "weakness" at which i permitted myself to have friendly conversations with her on line.

 

only slipped up and texted her the sort of mortifying "can't believe you ended things!" type of messages a few times early on (ended in december), the last and most recent probably being in March.

 

the thing is, whenever I stop being guarded with her and have good conversations with her (which granted its HARD for me to do because she had let me down so heavily), they are really good. like tonight we just talked for an hour and a half and she basically pinned me down for a couple of plans when she comes into town in the next few weeks (we haven't really hung out just us two in months). on the same token this could be a terrible idea; all my friends hate her by name because of how torn up i was about the breakup.

 

anyway this can't be very healthy, but terribly (TERRIBLY!) i actually like this girl! how could i like someone who spurned me like that though, and the breakup was very cold too. it was basically "i don't want to get too emotionally involved in case i get hurt, you deserve better, okay bye." she's said she really like(d) me though, but i guess considered taking our (at the time small) friendship to a relationship level a mistake. the thing is after the relationship, and many months of being broken up, we know a LOT More about eachother and i think ironically can be a lot more honest about knowing where eachother is coming from and how we both communicate.

 

so i guess i'm just talking. is there a lesson in any of this?? if and when i see her, i think i just need to maintain the dignity that i very well have (despite having definitely lost face during the breakup several months ago), and just be myself. i just don't want to get hurt again, yet i can't stop harboring expectations?? any suggestions besides not talking to her, which i've always done up until like right now??

[renaissancewoman101]

It depends how you guys broke up. Did you guys have an amicable breakup, or a nasty one? I do understand why you would want to turn to an ex in times of emotional vulnerability. They once knew every nuance of you and was a rock to lean on.

 

Sometimes, you just have to throw dignity to the wind, esp if there is something in your life that is truly bothering you and you NEED someone to be there for you.

[gabbyd]

You should forgive her and just avoid being a friend till your heart has healed and you've moved on because the more you turn to her the harder it will be to start healing and move on.Tell her you would like to be friends one day but for now you need your space.

[SarCareBear]

but shouldn't i have healed already? we haven't spoken for months. (well we have, but very minimally).

 

what if i THINK i can handle being "over" her / hanging out with her. i have had other romantic flings since her but everytime they end i think about her again.

 

i am willing to hang out with her expecting nothing but catching up between friends, but hope that "we" might happen again will probably die hard.