Why are friends so unreliable?

[h0pelessr0mantic]

over these past few years i have grown up and have realized the importance of planning ahead to fit everything in a busy scheduel. So it was one of my friends birthday least weekend and we were going to celebrate at her house but it was raining so she cancelled her party. So i said, let me take u out to eat for ur birthday. Anyways, we decided last week to meet up on monday (today). I even talked to her on sunday and everything seemed fine (we didn't have any fights or anything). On sunday her best friend was also sleeping over. So i call her up this morning about meeting up and she says she will call me back once her friend has left and that her friend will be gone soon. So i say ok and go about my day. She said she was going to call at 2pm...and she didn't. So i called her at 3pm, and 4pm, and so by then i figured that she probably wasn't meeting up. But she NEVER answered any of her phones and NEVER called me to cancel. If she had plans or was busy and called me to cancell, then i would have had no problem with that, but she didnt even call at all. whats worse is that i called her house just now (it's like 9:30pm) and her dad picked up and i asked if she was there and he said: just a sec. and called for her to pick up the phone. Then he tried to cover the earpiece but i could hear everything and she was saying: i told u to tell people that i wasn't at home! just tell them i will call them later!. I have no idea why she would be like this...we didn't have a fight or anything. and i just find it so rude how she completely ditched me and probably was WELL aware of it but didn't make a point to call at all. What should i do?

[Crazyaboutdogs]

When she eventually calls you, I think you should tell her that you were not happy being blown off like that when you were supposed to have plans together. Did she have a guy with her and that is why she blew you off? I can pretty much figure that when you call her on her behaviour, she will twist and turn the story to make it seem like your fault. That is typical of selfish, self-absorbed people. Don't let it bother you. If she tries to twist things, stand your ground. If she thinks it is acceptable to behave like this then you might have to re-think your friendship.

 

I am also not quite sure why she had to cancel the party just because of rain...unless it rains inside her house!

[Haven]

I totally understand where you're coming from - but, you should probably realize that it's not about you. She either doesn't want to hang out with anyone right now, or she is more interested in hanging out with someone specific (possibly a guy she's interested in).

 

I personally would not have called someone like that repeatedly. Instead, I'd go on with my own life and remember the instance for future reference... you can't change people who are unreliable. They will always be unreliable. The best you can do is stop relying on them and focus on your friendships with other people who will value your company.

[browneyedgirl36]

Wow! That was pretty inconsiderate of your friend!

 

I had a similar thing happen just this weekend. A group of friends and I were all supposed to meet to go to a theater performance. We had planned WEEKS in advance. I had set everything up. There were 7 of us, total (and a couple of the folks were going to bring a partner/spouse), so there would have been probably 10 people. One person backed out about three days prior due to a legitimate issue that had come up (a family issue), but EVERYONE else backed out yesterday, via e-mail -- the day of the performance, mind you -- just a few hours before, leaving just me and one other person, whose phone number I did not have. Luckily, one of the other people did have his number, and I called him, and we still ended up going, but I was pretty irritated that 1) They all backed out the day of, when we had made the plans weeks ago; 2) No one had a really good excuse for backing out last minute -- seriously, three of them used the excuse "I'm tired" -- we're teachers, and we're on SUMMER BREAK. 3) They all backed out via e-mail. What if I hadn't checked my e-mail and I had shown up at the venue to find no one there? 4) We were supposed to have a picnic dinner before, and I bought a whole bunch of food for it, so I wasted a ton of money! GRRRRRRR.....

 

I'm actually really mad at one of the people -- she's my friend, and has been for years, but she is extremely flaky, and flakes out on EVERYTHING. I've come to the conclusion that, if we make plans in advance, there's a 75% chance she'll back out, usually the night before or the day of.

 

So...my suggestion to you....when you talk to your friend, tell her you were upset because you thought you had plans. She MAY try to turn it around on you and act like it's your fault, or she may blow it off like it's no big deal, but you do have a right to be upset, so don't feel like you don't have a legitimate gripe, because you do. And, you might just not rely on this person to keep plans. If you make a plan with her in the future, it would probably be best to do it last-minute, so that she's more likely to show up, OR if you DO make plans with her, have a back-up plan in case she flakes out on you. Just say to yourself, "Ok, if so-and-so flakes on me, I'll just go to the movies, or shopping, etc."

 

Friends. Sometimes, they try our patience, for sure.

[HappyAsALark]

I would wait to talk to you to find out what happened before you get too upset about this. No, it wasn't right of her not to call, but you never know, something important may have come up and she didn't have the time to call. It sounds like from what you overheard her saying to her father is that she isn't avoiding you, she is avoiding everyone.

[Crovax]

This is an issue I wish I had the answer to as well. It almost seems like a cultural shift is happening, because I've found that more and more people are starting to think that this kind of behavior is OK. It has become by far my largest pet peeve, and I've terminated a few friendships over it already. All I can really say is that it is a very good barometer for determining who is worth my time. Sadly, it would seem that very few people are worth my time these days.

[Kinetics]

This is an issue I wish I had the answer to as well. It almost seems like a cultural shift is happening, because I've found that more and more people are starting to think that this kind of behavior is OK. It has become by far my largest pet peeve, and I've terminated a few friendships over it already. All I can really say is that it is a very good barometer for determining who is worth my time. Sadly, it would seem that very few people are worth my time these days.

 

I am beginning to feel this way as well. But it makes us wonder, how in the world did people become so inconsiderate? It's not a "younger generation" thing...even people older than myself are like this!

 

It definitely is also my pet peeve and I really think twice about the integrity of these 'friends' I have. Definitely not worth my time either, and yes, sadly only a few people are worth my time. It's a sad, sad world it's become.

[123Bean]

This is an issue I wish I had the answer to as well. It almost seems like a cultural shift is happening, because I've found that more and more people are starting to think that this kind of behavior is OK. It has become by far my largest pet peeve, and I've terminated a few friendships over it already. All I can really say is that it is a very good barometer for determining who is worth my time. Sadly, it would seem that very few people are worth my time these days.

 

Yup I have a few friends like that. At first I thought it was an age thing since I noticed it with my younger friends first....but now even people my age are doing it. And boy is it frustrating, you cant tell if they are pissed or just ignoring me like everyone else who is trying to get ahold of them.

The thing with the plans and just ignoring you when it comes time for them really irks me, feel like doing this sometimes ](*,)

[jas56]

true. So very true. ](*,)

 

Yup I have a few friends like that. At first I thought it was an age thing since I noticed it with my younger friends first....but now even people my age are doing it. And boy is it frustrating, you cant tell if they are pissed or just ignoring me like everyone else who is trying to get ahold of them.

The thing with the plans and just ignoring you when it comes time for them really irks me, feel like doing this sometimes ](*,)