sex problems? reflecting pon breakups

[lostcomplete]

My main issue in my past 2 long term relationships was the lack of physical intimacy. I THOUGHT I did what it took to make the girlfriend comfortable, supported, and loved, and logically that told me we would also have more intimacy as a natural result. In the last relationship I've been told by my ex that her intimacy drive is definitely lower than mine, but the main issue with the lack of intimacy /affection was her "not feeling close to me" due to all the fighting, and that I didn't give her enough support /listen enough. is this all MY fault? am I that bad of a person? I tried telling her how much it meant to me, but besides physicality it was the lack of intimacy and affection, feeling that she actually WANTED me.and not just through words. it is apparent now that she doesn't but that's another topic. it was amazing for the first 3 months and I would think it is normal to slow down the physical a bit after that, but after 8 months or so it REALLY went down hill, her saying she didn't feel close, listened too etc. I can admit I wasnt the easiest person at THAT time, I was selfish due to huge issues at work, and could have shoulda would have worked on MY issues. that being said, as the relationship progressed I DID work on them, and then SHE started to go downhill. I listened, but not until recently did I realize what women mean when they say "listen".ie: don't talk or offer suggestions, just smile, nod, and don't give advice, tell them itl be ok., shoulda learned that earlier. she blames the lack of affection etc on me being too needy, which to some extent is true, but the more she pulls away, the more needy I got, and then angry, and then cold, "what is the point" and id have to ASK for sex, no man should have to do that, am I right? should it also be the man constantly the one initiating things? and don't get me wrong, I was all about pleasing her, and I understood at times if she wasnt feelin it and I was, but there were far too many times.YOUR thoughts?

Update: as a side note, how often would you women out there ideally want to make love in a week with your partner? if you weren't up to it and he was would you "help him out"? and visa versa?

 

same except other info..

serious answers only plz.My main issue in my past 2 long term relationships was the lack of sex. I THOUGHT I did what it took to make the girlfriend comfortable, supported, and loved, and logically that told me we would also have more sex as a natural result. In the last relationship I've been told by my ex that her sex drive is definitely lower than mine, but the main issue with the lack of sex and intimacy /affection was her "not feeling close to me" due to all the fighting, and that I didn't give her enough support /listen enough. I feel that over time my listening skills etc got better.its only now that I realize that when women say listen, they don't want any advice, just to say, "itll be ok".i wasnt the greatest but I got better due to learning from my mistakes.first 6 months was great physically, and after that kept going downhill, I went through a year of being in a terrible spot in my life and eventually pulled out of it, unfortunately not good for the relationship, and in the last 8 months it was her that did the same claiming she was burnt out etc.anywho im babbling.is this all MY fault? am I that bad of a person? SEX is a big thing to me, but more importantly it is the love, affection, and INTIMACY that I wasnt getting, and NO, I didn't do 'good things' to get sex, I am saying I UNDERSTAND the dynamic of how women want to feel close before they are ever sexual .jus wondering is sex is also a big thing for women, more so compatibility in the bedroom(ie, who wants a minute man etc)

[doyathink]

That was like a 'rinse and repeat' sort of post. You said the same thing twice. lol

 

Anyway....it all depends on what kind of connection you have with your partner as to whether your sex life is good, or sucky. I feel anyway. And, age has some to do with it too, for me.

 

When I was younger, everyday was great...now....two, three times a week is great. BUT...if the relationship is rocky, or we're fighting....I'm not at all in the mood. Just the way it is for me. Good sex for MOST women also depends on the day. If she's had a bad day, usually sex isn't on the brain. And if you're the cause of her bad day...well, you may as well forget it. Of course...this is not all women.

[coyote1980]

If you ask her too much about lack of sex, u'll probably get situation worse.