Nowhere else to turn

[Cenobyte]

Hey everyone.

 

Not sure why I'm posting this to be honest. maybe some part of me hopes that there is one little chance.. but somehow I think that is emotion rather than logic. I've posted on this forum before, and in this section about suicide. It seems like the whole of my life is just one wrong turn after another, whether circumstances, or my own wrong decisions, hardly one thing has gone right for me. This is probably a bit melodramatic, but it's the truth. And through very single one of these wrong turns I've tried to keep going, constant new foster families, my adoptive families going wrong, finally finding somewhere I thought I waas safe and having both my parents die of cancer on me. Circumstances. Dropping out of school when I was 16, completely screwing up my last year of college, and now dropping out of university. I have completely screwed up my own life, and now I have no-one to turn to. Through a combination of bad decision and circumstance, it's all just gone down the drain. Or maybe just all my own idiocy. Whichever the cause, the result is the same.

 

And, well, this friday I'm going to be made homeless. I have no money, and no-one to turn to, no family or friends to help, nothing but myself. And I know I can't survive on the street.. My way of thinking is, I would prefer to die while I still have a roof over my head. It's the only option I have left... I honestly can't think of what else I'm going to do. I have no other options left open to me, die on the street or die where I am.

[lisa1126]

Dear Cenobyte,

 

I am glad you have reached out to this forum. It sounds like you indeed are in a very very low place, perhaps, you can't go any further down.

 

But it also sound like you are an articulate, intelligent person. Despite all the bad luck and negative turn of events in your life, you managed to stay alive thus far and even go to college.

 

In these day and age, it is so hard for young people to survive financially without some support from families, and you seem not to have any from hat quarter. I can understand you being literally days away from being homeless.

 

I gather you don't have people you have to take care of, like children. So, it is just you you have to take care of in the event you do become homeless.

 

And it sounds like you have your sanity, you are sober, I mean you are not plagued with substance addiction or mental illness. I guess what I am trying to get to is that you do have faculties that will get you through this very very difficult time in your life.

 

Please do not end your life. If you have the courage to end your life, you can do anything, something to go on living. What the heck, you might as well live and see where else your life will take you. Sometimes, not taking yourself and your life too seriously will get you far in life. I do that all the time. When things get painful and tough, I just try to look at my life as a drama, with different acts, chapters, plots, turns, what have you. When I do this, sometime, a lot of things in my life are like comedy. Anyways, that's just my own personal coping mechanism.

 

But whatever you have to think, think your way out of this feeling of wanting to end it all. You have only one life to live and you will die. That's an unchageable fact, why rush it?

 

And keep on posting and hopefully that will help you.

[Jetta]

Do you live in the states? Without knowing where it all began, your next step is get a job, go to the county to get whatever support you can obtain, they'll give you food, even give you some money and help you get work.

 

Sounds like grief took it's toll and you need to stop feeling sorry for yourself and get help that's out there. There's housing help too. But it basically all starts with having a job.

 

If you do end up homeless make sure you have a cell phone. That way you can still get job and get back on your feet.

[Cenobyte]

I live in the Uk. I've been trying to find a job for the last two months, bus it's basically too late now, I'm not going to be able to get a job, and find somewhere to stay in the next 4 days.

To put it in a nutshell, I've had enough. I've had to pick myself up again, stop feeling sorry for myself and get on with life so many times. Again and again, just when I htink everything might be getting better, I might have a stable road ahead, I've had the carpet pulled out from beneath me. It's just enough, I have no fight left in me. If I pick myself up again, It'll just be the same thing over and over again. I just can't take it anymore. This is the final straw, the one that broke the donkey's back.

[madj3ff]

know how you feel dude, i really do, read my thread in suicide

[Daddy Bear]

Triple Grammy winner Jewel was homeless and lived out of her van for a time. David Letterman was also once on the street, as were Jamiroquai lead singer Jason Kay and acclaimed actor/writer/director Tyler Perry. Hell, I once spent a few nights in Casa de Toyota myself. I won't say it was fun, but I lived through it - and so did they - and so can you.

 

I recommend that you not opt out on your future; the payoff (nothing) simply isn't worth what you'll be giving up (everything). There's no reason to believe that the hard luck you've seen will continue forever.

[Jetta]

Man I've had the fight knocked out of me so much so I said to God there out to be a reward for Not killing yourself, but I was lucky in that I had a place to land (didn't end up homeless). Life never goes according to plan, at least for some if not most of us. Please keep trying, let your feet drag for a while if you must, but keep on keeping on.

[Cenobyte]

Since I don't have the guts to actually do myself in, I don't suppose anyone has any tips for living on the streets?

[Daddy Bear]

Don't sell yourself short; it takes balls to face something like this. Whereabouts do you live? Survival strategies vary slightly from place to place.

[kuhl282000]

I'm close to being homeless myself ..I just walked out of the life of the rich and famous because the love of my life was on drugs and I could not take it anymore so I left......and lost everything and walked just away with exactly $1.14 cents to my name try that on for size .....now I'm re-building one day at a time .....i recently went to a homeless shelter just to meet some street people and really see how life was on the street, and last Sunday stood in a bread line to eat for the first time in my life. A guy thats used to blowing $200 dollars on a Friday night for dinner and drinks ......I even was invited into the woods to my amasement where people were living just to survive I could not believe my eyes. Some of these people had been there for like 10 years. They had made a home for themselves there ....oh don't get me wrong, it was a scary experience and a reality check. Some of the people were really nice, some were freaks, some were nuts and oh yes they all had stories just like you and me .....they did not give up though ...stay clear of the heavy drinking and drugs though ...I did see some that were a real mess from that crap, and its easy to fall into that trap for sure ..........try and find a safe place to sleep just for now....find a way to keep clean ....if you get real scraggly no one will hire you .......use restrooms, public parks, anything that you can find that works for you ........go to churches ......some will give you money ......some will feed you.....bum on the street with a sign if you have to just for now .......something will break, you just don't know what it is right now but you have to make the effort........I got lucky and someone is putting me up just for a short time...I got a job, and it sucks and I hate it....but I grint my teeth and tough it out and show up everyday.....and I just opened up my back account again today.....and actually made a deposit......yippee ......I have money now....not much....but the intent is to make it grow.......do anything legal to make money....don't be proud right now....be humble.....I thought about killing myself in these past few months myself for the first time in my life ......I started drinking a lot more (it kills the pain, and then you wake up geeling like crap) I got real sick one night from drinking a few weeks ago ....and I really did not think anyone gave a crap if I lived or died. So I'm trying to be careful and not drink as much plus it eats up what little money I have .......how stupid is that...Be smart, be smarter then me.

 

I borrowed a friends car a month ago looking for a job, he was out of town and did not mind......I was driving over a bridge and for a split second I thought about turning the car into the guard rail and going over into the river and really just ending it all. And just for a split second I said hey dude what in the world are you thinking ....you have never thought like this before ..........and I somehow through the grace of God got through that crazy thought and moment ........I found its not good to isolate yourself ..............the devil sort of likes that I've found out and like just sort of creeps into your thoughts ......just remember ....set some really small goals everyday .......and try and get some cash......right now I feel like time is all running together and I'm in some crazy time warp and I can't get out .......but I keep treading water .........trying not to drown ......remember you still have two legs and two arms and think of the people who are much more handicapped then you.........you may be at the lowest point in your life, and I'm there with you accross the pond.......but you still have a computer .....so your connected.......get on Craigs list......go under gigs ......many jobs in there and ways to make money everyday.......I just lost my cell phone...but I'm still on line....and chipping away everyday ........just like you. And it stinks...and I'm lonely and confused...buy I try and stay plugged in.

 

It's lonely out there for sure and scary .........I'm not a relegious person more the spirit type....but 1 months ago I got a bible from the church......and I've like read it 6 times I read at night if I'm not out at some stupid bar trying to drown my sorrows......first time in my life I've read the bible and I'm 58 bro still going on 25 I'm young at heart.....I've had several hundred thousand in the bank a few years back (those were the good times)....bad choices...partying......wild women.....bad relationships........bad investments....being stupid...not working..and now its ALL GONE.......I'll get it again ...God willing...but I'm going down fighting bro.......remember you and me .....and our ending has nor been written just yet .........

 

When you think your at the end of your rope...tie another knot and hang on....

 

I'm praying for you man ...you would do the same for me ....so dust yourself off my friend and don't give up no matter how freeging hard it is and get back in the game somehow......do something anything for right now ......fight be a warrior ....you were meant to be a warrior. Do whatever it takes. Stay in touch...

 

Enclosed is a website on tips on being homeless I've been there link removed some good stuff......