So my therapist blows me off with no explanation

[Anotherday]

I've been calling her since last Wed and finally gave up at 11 this morning. Originally we had an appt scheduled for 2 today, but after three attempts I give up.

 

Isn't there some code of ethics around this stuff? Aren't they supposed to inform you if they don't want to see you anymore?

 

Anyway, this is a very bad time for me to feel abandoned. Too, I had it out with a friend last weekend (who I was nice enough to refer to my therapist) and I think she may have ratted me out, although I can't prove it. I just have a feeling. I was going through a very tough time and my friend said she wasn't a trained professional and that I needed to contact my therapist.

 

I feel sort of betrayed and like that's what I get for being nice. Anyway, I could be imagining all of this but it doesn't feel like it. A lot of times my intuition is dead on. Thanks.

[Clementine orange]

This sounds totally messed up and not professional at all!

[BellaDonna]

Are you certain it's not a case of mis-scheduling? Is she away, sick, etc.?

 

Isn't there some code of ethics around this stuff? Aren't they supposed to inform you if they don't want to see you anymore?

 

Yes- and usually refer you to someone else if they can't treat you.

 

Did anything happen that would lead her to behave this way? -A falling out? Is this totally out of the blue? See if your general doctor can reach her on your behalf.

[Anotherday]

Well, maybe she just wanted to get rid of me. Maybe I'm a liability. Maybe our last conversation where I sobbed was too much for her. Maybe she's in a coma (although I highly doubt this). At any rate, I am going to pursue this from an ethics standpoint. I do believe even if a therapist doesn't want to see a person, they have a responsibility to refer one out.

 

At any rate, now is when I need her most, and she is not there.

 

Nonetheless, I am not discounting the "friend" who said I needed to contact her. For all I know she forwarded on an email from me when I was slightly in crisis and not handling things well. But you're right, it is messed up.

[Anotherday]

Are you certain it's not a case of mis-scheduling? Is she away, sick, etc.?

 

 

 

Yes- and usually refer you to someone else if they can't treat you.

 

Did anything happen that would lead her to behave this way? -A falling out? Is this totally out of the blue? See if your general doctor can reach her on your behalf.

 

I called her Wednesday about rescheduling letting her know I'd been offered a job and didn't think it was a good idea to start off by saying I had appointments. Then I called her Friday. Then I called her today at 8:30. No return phone call. We had no falling out, and even if we did she IS the therapist and should be professional enough to call me and say she cannot see me anymore.

[BellaDonna]

Just from what you're saying my guess is that there was some kind of miscommunication and she might be away or in the midst of some kind of emergency or something. If she's been a good therapist thus far, it does not make sense that she would suddenly drop you as a patient with no explanation at all.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

There are emergencies which therapists are required to attend to, and then there are non-emergencies where a scheduled appt. is sufficient.

 

If you were calling her and leaving messages saying you needed to re-schedule appts., then you gave her no indication you were in crisis, so she doesn't need to rush to call you back. She's not in your personal pocket to attend to your every need, but to meet with you for scheduled appts. You called her on Wednesday, and perhaps she took a long weekend.

 

Also, doctors and therapists when out of town usually have a screening service review their messages that tells them if it is an emergency or crisis, vs. non-crisis. So if you didn't tell her in a message that you have an emergency, and allow the screening service to refer you elsewhere, then there is no ethical violation.

 

So you are assuming she doesn't want to see you anymore, when you are being very demanding while not being clear about your needs in a message. A therapist is not required to be available to you 24x7, any more than any other doctor is. If you have an emergency, then there are hospitals and walk in clinics. And if you are really upset, you need to leave a message saying you need to see someone ASAP so that you can get a callback to see her or to see someone else who is available.

 

A therapist won't dump you without a callback, but they will tell you if they think they can't help you or the match between you isn't good.

 

So I think you are overreacting and not understanding the therapist's role or responsbilities. If you didn't leave a message that you have an emergency, then she can't be faulted for not calling you back immediately. Perhaps she intended to talk to you today when she arrived in her office.

[Anotherday]

You're absolutely right, and she did call me, an hour in advance of our appt. So I stand corrected. The only thing she says on her message is that she'll get back on the next business day (which would have been Thursday). Still, I do think it's somewhat irresponsible to get back to me an hour in advance of an appt.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

But you don't know what was going on in her life... she has one, and perhaps had something come up, or was sick.

 

Next time, if you have an urgent need, make sure you explain why you are calling in the message so she understands that. But also recognize that it is a therapeutic relationship and she has her own reasons for making the choices she does. Ask her about it in your next session to see what she says.