TheLonelyPoet Posted July 21, 2008 Share Posted July 21, 2008 I've recently met this girl I used to have some classes with back in high school. She just graduated HS and is on her way onto college in another state. Anyway, we really clicked. And to break it down into simple and not-so-romantic terms: - I find her attractive, and I think she finds me attractive - We are both single - I would like to have a nice (and responsible) short summer romance with her - But nothing that would roll over into a long distance relationship after the summer Thing is, I want to be VERY fair with this girl, and let her know EXACTLY what I am looking for before we get into any sort of activity. That is, I feel it is only fair to let her decide if she would be interested in exactly what I described above. I really like her, she is a great person and also a sensitive one, and I would hate to see her hurt. I don't want this to get too far and then have "the talk" about what we want. I want her to know first. However I have TWO problems: 1. We are both romantic types, and to just say "Listen, we are both adults, so let's have some responsible summer fun with no strings attached" .... yea, to verbalize like that is a total turn-off for me and I'm sure her as well. ON THE OTHER HAND... to just flirt around and mention a romantic date (etc.) is I feel much to ambiguous and I don't want to give her the wrong idea about my intentions. So how do I approach this to be both very fair to her and yet romantic/spontaneous? 2. In HS she was always a rather shy/reserved person. I don't know anything about her sexual life, and I'm wondering how comfortable she would be with such a proposition. Still, I feel it would be unfair to disqualify her just because she isn't the most outgoing girl... right? Yet knowing she is shy, I don't want to put her on the spot or make her feel uncomfortable. Chances are with an outgoing and experienced girl I would just muster up courage and talk to her about my idea in a private setting, pull a few moves etc. However, with her I'd like to be more cautious. That's why I thought a note or a letter would be better, which would giver her time to think it over and react in private and respond without any pressure of me sitting accross the table. But again... this is so not romantic So .... help? Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted July 21, 2008 Share Posted July 21, 2008 If it were me, I wouldn't be too happy if a guy just wanted me for a "FWB's" summer fling. I would want something with relationship potential. But, to each his own. Link to comment
Brightest Dark Posted July 21, 2008 Share Posted July 21, 2008 I agree with HeartGoesOn. Link to comment
Clementine orange Posted July 21, 2008 Share Posted July 21, 2008 Don't mention the "no strings attached" part. She knows she is going at the end of the summer so of course it's a summer romance. Summer romances are great fun! Not sure what's with the other two posters - does everything have to be permanent and forever and ever? Isn't life about learning and adventure and discovery? Personally I really like romances with a clear expiry date - one can really have fun with that and create something truly memorable. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted July 21, 2008 Share Posted July 21, 2008 I guess it depends on your notion of romance. I see nothing romantic in a summer fling...that is simply some Hollywood cliche of walks on the beach, kissing and making out by the water, endless summer sex and then poof it is gone. That is not called romance, that is called a wham bam thank you ma'am that just so happened to last a few months. It is a more tactful way of embarking on an FWB or FB setup...dress it up as romance with all the summer trimmings of bikinis, nice outdoor weather etc. So if she is a shy person, she may not take too kindly to this kind of proposition. The type of women who would be up for that kind of sex summer (lets get real here, it is not about romance, it is about sex) most men can spot from a mile away..the fact that you are unsure about how to proceed is indicative that this might not be her thing...or even if she wants to give it a whirl, she might end up getting emotionally involved. Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted July 21, 2008 Share Posted July 21, 2008 Don't mention the "no strings attached" part. She knows she is going at the end of the summer so of course it's a summer romance. Summer romances are great fun! Not sure what's with the other two posters - does everything have to be permanent and forever and ever? Isn't life about learning and adventure and discovery? Personally I really like romances with a clear expiry date - one can really have fun with that and create something truly memorable. Yes, but he said he wanted to be fair, and let her know exactly what he wants. I wouldn't consider that fair as far as not mentioning it. If they both agree to it, with no strings attached, then that's fine. As I said, that wouldn't be for me, but everyone has their own opinions, which is also fine. Link to comment
TheLonelyPoet Posted July 21, 2008 Author Share Posted July 21, 2008 Ok so moral and vocabulary arguments aside, can someone actually advise me on how to give this shy girl a chance while being open about my intentions? It's important for me to let her know where I stand, but I don't want to pressure her or make her feel uncomfortable. On top of that, I'd like it to be a little romantic/spontaneous. Not like a business agreement at a bank, you know. Please I do not care if you wish to call it "romance" or something else...... Link to comment
TheLonelyPoet Posted July 21, 2008 Author Share Posted July 21, 2008 So if she is a shy person, she may not take too kindly to this kind of proposition. The type of women who would be up for that kind of sex summer (lets get real here, it is not about romance, it is about sex) most men can spot from a mile away..the fact that you are unsure about how to proceed is indicative that this might not be her thing. OK, so I know there's a good chance she will say no. However, is it fair for me to decide that she's not interested just because she doesn't act " * * * * ty" around guys? I don't think every girl that acts reserved/shy is necessarily against a little fun. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted July 21, 2008 Share Posted July 21, 2008 Perhaps not, but I think it is better to go after the women who are giving clear signs that they would be up for the wham bam thank you ma'am kind of relationship rather than one who gives no such indication and might actually get offended with such a proposition. Link to comment
Brightest Dark Posted July 21, 2008 Share Posted July 21, 2008 Don't mention the "no strings attached" part. She knows she is going at the end of the summer so of course it's a summer romance. Summer romances are great fun! Not sure what's with the other two posters - does everything have to be permanent and forever and ever? Isn't life about learning and adventure and discovery? You would say that - you're a man! No, not all shy girls are against a little fun - but I think most girls especially around end of high school age don't particularly like being used. I think at that age if girls do get close to a guy they do so because they like him - and when they later find that he's not interested anymore it breaks their hearts. Link to comment
TheLonelyPoet Posted July 22, 2008 Author Share Posted July 22, 2008 Well I don't know where all the hostility is coming from? If I was to USE her, as in trick her into thinking I was interested long term and then drop her. Yeah that would be abuse... sure. HOWEVER, if I am completely honest about the situation, and she agrees. What's the harm, I don't get it. Link to comment
Brightest Dark Posted July 22, 2008 Share Posted July 22, 2008 Being honest is definitely better than not being honest. Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.