Not sure whether to split

[glitch89]

Hey guys and girls, i’m a new user here so be gentle...

 

This is a long story but think it needs to be told from the beginning. I’m basically having trouble within my current relationship as to whether I should stick with it or not and could do with some opinions.

 

Before this current relationship started (around this time last year), I was feeling pretty darned depressed. About a year before this phase of depression I broke up from my first serious relationship (so about 2 years ago now). I was about to tell a doctor about how I felt, as I felt I was in need of some help. I held off whilst seeing this girl however, and things seem to get better whilst seeing her. I fell pretty quickly for her, she is perfect - beautiful, sexy, loving, caring, and we share common values. I know that she would do anything for me and loves me very much.

 

Recently however (about the last month) I think I have kinda been falling out of love with her. One of the reasons may be that there is a 4 year age difference, with me being the older. In a way I can understand how she feels about me as I’m her first love and you think nothing can break you up, love is forever, etc. etc. This kind of innocence with love was attractive to start with but now its starting to become a little annoying, and is kinda putting pressure on me too.

 

I had these feelings in my previous relationship also, and it caused a couple of breakups for a couple of weeks at a time. When I was in these breakup periods I would realise that I loved them and go back to them, but then around 6 months later I would get the same feelings again. Looking back I wouldn't want to still be with that person but I think my behavior here had big negative impact on the relationship, and I know I caused a lot of pain. As a result I don’t want to break up without thoroughly thinking it through.

 

Anyway, as soon as I had these feelings this time around I went to see a doctor and I am starting to see someone about my possible depression problems. I think this may be the underlying cause of the way I’m feeling. Hopefully this will help in the way I feel towards my current partner.

 

I currently feel as though I have no need for this relationship, although she is pretty much the perfect girl. I couldn't bear to hurt her and think it could possibly turn nasty if we did break up. I don’t even think that I would pursue other girls if we did break up and would possibly stay single for a while.

 

Any help would be appreciated, hopefully someone out there has felt the same.

[arwen]

Hey glitch, welcome on ENA

 

There is a chance that what you are experiencing is not 'falling out of love', but rather going from 'in love' to a commitment. I think the in-love feeling will make us describe another person as 'perfect', whereas being in a commitment will make us realize that we choose to be with the one that we love in spite of their flaws.

 

Not all relationships will go from in-love to love. Maybe you don't love her in that way, only you can be the judge of that.

 

Are you scared of the thought to be with someone for an indefinite amount of time? You mention depression, have you been diagnosed with that before? What do you think falls under depression? Could a depression block potential feelings towards your partner?

[DLtoken]

Sounds like you need some "me" time. Are you getting depressed about something else in your life and just assuming it has to do with her? There has to be a reason, other than her, for you feeling like this...

[glitch89]

Are you scared of the thought to be with someone for an indefinite amount of time?

 

I'm not really scared of sticking with someone, although occasionally I worry that small problems may develop into larger ones in the future.

 

You mention depression, have you been diagnosed with that before? What do you think falls under depression?

 

My doctor has said I have mild depression and I have been referred to counseling. About a month ago was the first time I went to see a doctor about it. I haven't felt heavily depressed for almost a year but when I was I seemed constantly down, not seeing the point in anything, and tired. Recently these feelings have been coming back, but not as strong, hence seeing the doctor.

 

Could a depression block potential feelings towards your partner?

 

Possibly, sometimes it feels like that as I can be over the moon happy with her one day and then the next day all of those feelings are gone.

 

Sounds like you need some "me" time. Are you getting depressed about something else in your life and just assuming it has to do with her? There has to be a reason, other than her, for you feeling like this...

 

There are things that get me down, but nothing out of the ordinary. In fact now I come to think of things, there isn't really anything specific. Maybe counseling can shed some more light on this.