Shudder Posted July 21, 2008 Share Posted July 21, 2008 I was in whistler this last weekend with some friends and there was this girl there that i didnt know. she was cool, not really my type. however i noticed that she didnt really make an effort to talk to me and at time it seemed like i was also invisible to her. anyway, we were out on the town and i noticed that she would literally talk to any guy that was reasonably good looking whether it be fellow partier, vacationer, or even someone in a store and tried to get to know them even if she had like 2 minutes. She didnt really do that to any of the guy friends I was with or me for that matter.... Anyway, this question goes out to members of both genders.. do you only make an effort to talk to those you find good looking and just shun those you don't? Link to comment
Daddy Bear Posted July 21, 2008 Share Posted July 21, 2008 Absolutely not. I'm the type of guy who'll strike up a conversation with a withered old one-eyed great-granny at the supermarket. You never can tell who might have something interesting or funny to say, y'know? And why not spread a little sunshine as we go about our daily business? Incidentally, this girl you talk about doesn't sound all that cool to me - which just shows to go ya that it ain't always a smart idea to judge a book by its cover. Link to comment
Jeximo Posted July 21, 2008 Share Posted July 21, 2008 Women will talk to any guy they find to have a high social value, good looking or not. I.e. Someone who's standing in the corner looking around by themselves has low social value and unless the guy is extremely good looking, only then would a girl approach. Put it another way, that same guy is hanging around his friends (guys or girls) and smiling, laughing, and just look as if he's having an awesome time in general will have a higher social value. I generally seek out women that are attractive. However; if her personality isn't equal/more attractive, then her value to me greatly decreases and I quickly lose interest. I don't like to rate women, but if I did and found a girl who is a 6/10 with an AMAZING personality, then I will subconsciously find her quite a bit more attractive by getting to know her. Personality is truly a deciding factor in my selection. Link to comment
civilservant Posted July 21, 2008 Share Posted July 21, 2008 Although there has to be an intial attraction, it takes far more than that. I absolutly agree that those that seem to be enjoyingthemselves, laughing, joking are going to be seen to be attractive then those sat in a corner. Link to comment
Loltastic Posted July 21, 2008 Share Posted July 21, 2008 Lol... I'm only attracted to girls who strike up a conversation with me for some reason. If they gotta be chased, they usually think too highly of themselves and I dont find that attractive. Link to comment
MushroomGod Posted July 21, 2008 Share Posted July 21, 2008 I talk to everyone, it doesn't matter what they look like. Link to comment
D_Lish Posted July 21, 2008 Share Posted July 21, 2008 I will talk to anybody, if they are talkative and have a good personality.... When it comes to romantic partners, looks initially attract...no denying it. But like the poster above, Jeximo, I sharp and quickly lose interest, if they don't have a personality to match their looks. There's gotta be something about them, other than looks. Link to comment
Hayles Posted July 21, 2008 Share Posted July 21, 2008 I talk to everyone, but I have noticed, with some girls - they tend to shy away from talking to some guys they aren't attracted simply because they don't want to give the wrong impression and lead anyone on... They also could be snobs. Link to comment
D_Lish Posted July 21, 2008 Share Posted July 21, 2008 I talk to everyone, but I have noticed, with some girls - they tend to shy away from talking to some guys they aren't attracted simply because they don't want to give the wrong impression and lead anyone on... They also could be snobs. That's true, do the same myself. I won't stand chatting to a guy, longer than necessary, because he may get the wrong impression and I don't want to lead anyone on...not a case of my being a snob ...lol. I have an over friendly sister...I tell her time and time again, that she is giving off the wrong impression to guys and then she wonders why she finds herself in difficult situations with guys, who have misinterpreted her friendliness, to mean something more.... In exact same way, I avoid lots of email communication with a guy Im not interested in *that way*...else he might get the wrong impression. There are guys out there, who read into things too much, as there will be women who also do. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted July 21, 2008 Share Posted July 21, 2008 I would find it bizarre if any of my women friends or myself chose only to talk to men we found attractive. I work with men, I am friends with men, I have male acquaintances, I meet new men all the time, just like my relationships with women. If I am at a party or gathering and I meet an interesting person, I talk to that person, regardless of gender. If a stranger approaches me in public and it happens to be a man, I am less likely to speak with him than if it were a woman, fur safety reasons. Attractiveness is irrelevant. When I am looking to find someone to date and am at a party or singles event, I'm probably going to focus more on men I find attractive because that is a main purpose for my being there and I don't want to waste time. But my life has always been far more varied, even when I was "unattached" than talking to men only for purposes of a potential date. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted July 21, 2008 Share Posted July 21, 2008 i talk to all sorts of people. attractive or not. i'm just outgoing like that. Link to comment
JeckyllNHyde Posted July 21, 2008 Share Posted July 21, 2008 i make an effort to talk to people who seem fun, and open/friendly. not just people who are attractive. now if she was out on the town looking to meet someone to date, maybe that's why she was upping her chances by making more effort. Link to comment
Lily04 Posted July 21, 2008 Share Posted July 21, 2008 You know I find this whole discussion very interesting... I have to agree with the first few comments!! I didn't know it was so true that 'social value' i.e. personality/vibe you give off matters a lot more than attraction, but honestly it does. I can give you two examples. I am often in the library. My appearance doesn't really change besides what I'm wearing but I usually wear typical student stuff or stylish stuff, that looks pretty good on me. So we'll hold 'appearance' as a constant, for the most part. However, many times in a library I am looking stressed or stay to myself. There have been really only a few occasions where I am happy and social in a library and in those times, I've almost always been approached. In one instance, I remember I was laughing hysterically at this comic I was reading online and one cute guy approached me from nowhere and asked what's up. I was too shy to really continue the convo. though, and still regret it lol. Another time a guy hit on me who was using the computer next to me and I wasn't really laughing but just content and we had a connection... I wasn't immediately physically attracted to him, really, but we struck up a good convo. & he asked for my number. Most recently, just a few days ago, i was in the library and very happy looking at the computer. Again I was sort of laughing at a photo posted online. I didn't even notice the guy beside me but when I started laughing he smiled back & said hi. I said hi... a bit later he struck up a convo. asking where I'm from, etc. We now have a date for next weekend. Keep in mind, my appearance was the same but in these 3 instances guys have hit on me and those were the only times that struck out where I have been genuinely happy or laughing in the library lol. So there you go... maybe I should smile more and be a bit less critical... it also sucks though bceause i'm the VERY indpenedent tpye that pretty much goes everywhere by myself (I don't have many friends) so that may be why men don't often approach me, besides being attractive. What do you guys think? Link to comment
Carmine Posted July 21, 2008 Share Posted July 21, 2008 That's true, do the same myself. I won't stand chatting to a guy, longer than necessary, because he may get the wrong impression and I don't want to lead anyone on...not a case of my being a snob ...lol. I have an over friendly sister...I tell her time and time again, that she is giving off the wrong impression to guys and then she wonders why she finds herself in difficult situations with guys, who have misinterpreted her friendliness, to mean something more.... In exact same way, I avoid lots of email communication with a guy Im not interested in *that way*...else he might get the wrong impression. There are guys out there, who read into things too much, as there will be women who also do. My friends and I call this "Val Syndrome," named after a very attractive girl named Valerie who constantly gives guys false impressions. Example - you say something intelligent in class. Afterwards, she'll come over to you and while touching you says "Oh my god, Carmine, you're so amazing! That was such an awesome thing you said today." The guy thinks, "YES! I'm so in!" but really this girl is attracted to no one. She's 100% for rejecting guys...never even kissed one. She has other immaturity problems, though. Link to comment
Shudder Posted July 21, 2008 Author Share Posted July 21, 2008 people generally find happy people more appealing and fun i think. you don't really hear stories about guys or girls being asked out by someone who has the facial expression of a serial killer. Link to comment
Lily04 Posted July 21, 2008 Share Posted July 21, 2008 Also, I think you are concentrating waaaaaaaay too much on yourself!! Just because a girl doesn't chat with you doesn't mean you aren't attractive. There are a BUNCH of other reasons why. Maybe she just had lunch afterwards & was feeling more energetic for chatting. Maybe she doesn't feel like talking to every person at the ski resort/store. Maybe she thought you were busy, or didn't even notice you because she was eyeing an item or thinking about a recent phone call. There are DOZENS of potential reasons why, on that particular day, at that particular time, she didn't approach you. Don't be so insecure and assume it's because you're not attractive!!! LOL. Men are so funny... Link to comment
Shudder Posted July 21, 2008 Author Share Posted July 21, 2008 I'm not too sure where you got the idea that I was insecure she wasn't talking to me. She wasn't my type and I wasn't really bothered to get to know her either. THis was just a general question for imput. Link to comment
Lily04 Posted July 21, 2008 Share Posted July 21, 2008 I'm not too sure where you got the idea that I was insecure she wasn't talking to me. She wasn't my type and I wasn't really bothered to get to know her either. THis was just a general question for imput. well you were obviously thinking about it if you bothered to make this post. You were comparing yourself to the other guys in the store, and how she talked with them but not you, and then wondered if it was because you weren't attractive enough. Sounded insecure to me. Link to comment
Shudder Posted July 21, 2008 Author Share Posted July 21, 2008 well you were obviously thinking about it if you bothered to make this post. You were comparing yourself to the other guys in the store, and how she talked with them but not you, and then wondered if it was because you weren't attractive enough. Sounded insecure to me. yea i was comparing, but its because I mentioned she didnt do any of that with the guys we were with. I tend to observe peoples behaviours at times. Link to comment
Lily04 Posted July 21, 2008 Share Posted July 21, 2008 yea i was comparing, but its because I mentioned she didnt do any of that with the guys we were with. I tend to observe peoples behaviours at times. I'm just curious - how did you know she "wasn't your type" when you never even talked with her? Are you not being a bit judgemental yourself? Link to comment
Shudder Posted July 21, 2008 Author Share Posted July 21, 2008 I did talk to her, but it was like talking to a wall. She didnt really bother to keep the convo going.. i dunno how to explain it. and she never initiated talking to me (or anyone, except for her good friend) so i got tired of doing all the initiating. Link to comment
Lily04 Posted July 21, 2008 Share Posted July 21, 2008 I did talk to her, but it was like talking to a wall. She didnt really bother to keep the convo going.. i dunno how to explain it. and she never initiated talking to me (or anyone, except for her good friend) so i got tired of doing all the initiating. haha. well i have a feeling YOu found her attractive if you initiated a convo. about observing her for so long Link to comment
Shudder Posted July 21, 2008 Author Share Posted July 21, 2008 haha. well i have a feeling YOu found her attractive if you initiated a convo. about observing her for so long i think you're getting the wrong idea. i didnt observe her for a long time. i said i observe the way people interact with each other. I like to get to know new people as well, but since she had no desire to that was fine with me as well. Not everything I do falls under finding people attractive. Link to comment
Jelina Posted July 22, 2008 Share Posted July 22, 2008 I will talk to anyone who is polite and nice. I guess some people only talk to attractive people because they are still looking for someone to be with. I'm taken, but even when I wasn't I still talked to anyone who was nice to me. Link to comment
Kinetics Posted July 23, 2008 Share Posted July 23, 2008 That girl, or anyone who behaves like this will probably get what they deserve some point in time. This doesn't only have to do with the person's looks, but also social status, etc. They're basically using the person to get something out of them, avoid these people. It does annoy me sometimes when I was just having a friendly talk with this girl. The guys immediately started thinking I was hitting on her. I get tired of them saying that almost all the time! (Ok, so maybe sometimes I *am* hitting on a girl.) But then again, they're also the ones who can't converse with girls. Maybe they're just jealous. Link to comment
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