Shy guy taking the slow road to the friend zone. Help!

[DaBladeRoden]

I originally wrote this for an interracial relationship support board, so it might seem a bit skewed toward that aspect.

 

Hi, I know this Indian (Delhi specifically) girl in my outdoor group/kickball league. I met her in April but we've been seeing eachother about once a week for kickball games since May. Slowly we've been doing more activities outside of the games themselves like going to bars with the groups, but then sometimes everyone would leave and it would be just us two, and I started taking her home more often, since she doesn't have a car, and she did come to hang with me and my friends once, and we chat on Google Talk.

 

I'm having trouble telling if I'll be able to push this past just friends into something more. She's Hindu and only 3 years removed from India for grad school, by now she's graduated and moved locally for her work, and I don't know if that means she's going to be doing the whole family arranged marriage thing.

 

But then again, she claims to be liberal (she didn't say in what sense though), and she hasn't dressed in any traditional garb and accessories that I've seen, and her family is still in India, thus maybe exerting less control because of that, she also pays for things more than expected, even after I've offered for my share, like the pool table we rented once, or for the pizza when it was her, my friend, and I.

 

Though she does seem a little reserved, not the life of the party type, but then again neither am I, so conversations can be a little awkward.

 

And I'm not sure what amount of physical contact is appropriate culture-wise, ya know, simple things like arm touching or hugs. So I've played hands-off so far. Which probably doesn't help me portraying myself as anything but friend zone material, and make it all the more potentially surprising if I ever go in for the kiss.

 

I am a bit concerned lately, cause when she came to play video games with some of my friends, the cat of my friend scratched her and later in the week she had kind of an infection scare. After that she's been acting kind of distant, as though she maybe resented me for bringing her there. But that's just speculation.

 

But barring that, I'm trying to figure out a way I can try to bring this in a more romantic direction without scaring her off. I'm thinking of inviting her canoing (the lake has a rental place) since there's no kickball game this week.

 

I actually originally brought up the idea on Friday, but she said not going because she agreed to go on an impulse to Chicago to visit her friend for the weekend. But since she's back I'm going to try to bring up the idea again in chat, I just hope she doesn't start endlessly stalling and delaying like women tend to when I try to set up a specific date.

 

 

Cliff Notes: How to avoid getting friendzoned and establish a datingship without scaring her off or offending cultural sensibilities?

[Jeximo]

K I N O. You need to escalate physically intimacy. I'm not talking about touching her in strange places, but just taps on the shoulder, take her by the hand when you want to relocate her.

 

Act natural when you touch her, as if you're not even thinking about it when you do. Act as if you're just a touchy-feely kind of person. The best way to mentally think about it is to pretend you are physically touching her as if it were your mother or sister. Obviously not sexually, but just to get her attention.

 

The best way to figure out where she is mentally about you touching her is to take her hand and put it around your arm when you're walking somewhere, if she has a loose grip, say, "alright, you're loosing me", and take it off. If she has a firm grip, that means she's comfortable at this moment to keep that physically intimacy.

 

Eventually after escalating kino for a while, you can touch in more adventurous places: lower back (NOT TO LOW!), neck, leg(while sitting), etc.. The more you touch, the more comfortable and normal it will feel.. Think about it this way.. if she isn't willing to hold on to your arm or be comfortable with you touching her back/neck.. she won't be ready to kiss you.

[DaBladeRoden]

aye

10 char

[DaBladeRoden]

Good news! She agreed to canoing this Wednesday! I dunno if it's an official date, but I'll take what I can get.