mr me Posted July 21, 2008 Share Posted July 21, 2008 I guess im just writing this because i dont really have anyone else to talk to and i need to kinda vent and just get stuff out of my head. Its pretty confusing because out of my whole life dealing with being pretty much depressed and really lonely my whole life, I liked the idea of waiting for someone that i wanted to lose my viriginity too and it kinda made me feel good. I always looked at sex like it was something to be taken serious and feel like im old fashioned and maybe have some puritan values or something. I dont really know. I dont really want to bring her up anymore but i will just say i meet a girl that was also a virgin and we really thought we were gonna lose our virginity together. Well for some reason it wasnt meant to be and then she basically just left in a really messed up way and basically did anything to push me away. So then she ended up losing it to someone else. It really messed me up because i didnt understand why it wasnt going to be with her and also i knew she wasnt over me but she decided to move on. Its even weirder because she basically said it was supposed to be me and she cried afterwards like i thought she would because i kinda felt the same. Well its even weirder because she still didnt want me back and me just seeing all the issues she had its weird to say that but not want me back. Ill also say that this guy she was with shes also thinks shes in love with him. All i really see it as is that she is attached to him because they had sex and she doesnt understand it. It still bothers me alot and i cant even think about it because ill get really depressed but it is what it is. Its alright because today finally after so long i actually felt like there was someone else in this world out there for me and i didnt want to be around someone like her anymore. Its still hard because she was in alot of ways my everything before but im gettin thru that. I will just say i dont feel like i can wait anymore because my depression and loneliness seems to be too much to handle. I tried to wait to see if anyone that i felt i would like to have sex with would come into my life but i dont really see that happening. So i dont really know whats next. Ive meet other girls but i didnt really like them the way i liked the girl i thought i was going to have it with. Ive also had to get over not really being able to enjoy the thought of sex after what happened with that girl. Im still kinda depressed over it but i feel like at least how i wont be waiting anymore that im not gonna be stuck here having to think about stuff that i dont want to think about anymore. My only problem i had is after i talked to the girls that i was going out with that because i didnt like them more than that girl it got me more depressed so im gonna try to not let that happen or work on that somehow. I just wanted to wait till i was over the girl that i thought i was going to be with but i dont see that happening anytime soon. I guess at least getting over the hurt and the pain. I just hope that i dont continue the cycle of getting depressed because things havent worked out for me with girls pretty much ever. I guess thats me making it seem like if i dont have sex with them it wasnt what i wanted but its confusing for me because i didnt really see girls that i liked alot so with my issues already it was alot of pressure i guess on myself. I also had issues with girls alot when i was younger and i always laugh about it to myself because alot of the girls that tried to act like they were too good for me before its like i have the opposite effect now. I have them wanting my attention but i wont give it to them. Im still kinda shy and not always so good at talking in public places but usually when i put my mind on something i find a way to make it work. I feel like i need to take this step for myself and for getting over my past. Its just ive had to deal with alot of things going wrong and my personal problems so its hard and i didnt want a relationship to end up adding more trouble to my life. I guess there is the friends with benefits but that never works out like people wanted it to. So i dont really know but all i can do is keep on doing what im doing and hopefully things work out good. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gingerstar Posted July 21, 2008 Share Posted July 21, 2008 you were right with your first thoughts on sex. WAIT! it is something special, don't give in to this world. It's highly over-rated! My husbands story/life. He wanted to wait, but then gave in. Now he says it is the worst mistake he ever made and he regrets it so much. It's not something you can get back. He was my first but I wasn't his and it kills both of us. You can regret not waiting, but you can't regret waiting. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Axiom Posted July 21, 2008 Share Posted July 21, 2008 even if you do decide to lose your virginity, I dont think it will be that easy mate. It's not something you pick up at a grocery store. Lost Virginity price 9.99 no. So either way since she left you kinda have to wait.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Iris-PJ Posted July 21, 2008 Share Posted July 21, 2008 mend your broken heart and then go from there. virginity is overrated. sex is overrated. yes the sex is what you want on the surface but it seems that what you miss is the intimacy and the fact that sex would be more than sex for you, the person and the connection have everything to do with it. what makes sex (and losing your virginity) all worth it is the person, of course not for everyone and I think it is great to have standards for what you want... I suggest you wait until you get over your ex (I don't know how long you were together or if the breakup was recent, so gauge your healing time by that), and then reassess how you feel about your sexual activity after that. you don't want to have sex with someone just to feel better about the breakup, because chances are you might not feel all that great, you might even feel guilty. there is nothing weird about being a virgin, at least I don't think so. you are right about friends with benefits, they complicate things more than they should. the right person is out there, just let your guard down and start as friends, and believe me you will know then. because "love is friendship caught on fire" and great sex is about being comfortable with the person you are with and being able to communicate your ideas, emotions and desires. all the best, -PJ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gingerstar Posted July 21, 2008 Share Posted July 21, 2008 I disagree on virginity being overrated. I've heard experience fom both sides. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MD Geist Posted July 21, 2008 Share Posted July 21, 2008 As a virgin myself I kind regret waiting for marriage for sex because in this day and age there aren't to many women in my age group who are virgins, if I do meet someone and get married to her chances are she won't be a virgin Why wait if your partner doesn't?. I tired to lose it on my Birthday this past year and I ended up running for cover and all I can say is thank god I have good friends that bailed me out of the situation!. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Iris-PJ Posted July 21, 2008 Share Posted July 21, 2008 I believe marriage is overrated too... there are so many boxes we have to check off in order to be considered "normal" and "happy", that they become more of a burden/roadblocks then symbols of human growth and prosperity. where is the individual choice?? If you know what you want, stick to your guns and wait it out or go for it. IMO "it is better to regret the things you do, than the things you didn't do". But we all make our own choices and have to live with them. We can't keep measuring ourselves up to impossible standards... and by impossible I mean beyond our immediate reality... "suffering is optional" -pj Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gingerstar Posted July 21, 2008 Share Posted July 21, 2008 As a virgin myself I kind regret waiting for marriage for sex because in this day and age there aren't to many women in my age group who are virgins, if I do meet someone and get married to her chances are she won't be a virgin Why wait if your partner doesn't?. I tired to lose it on my Birthday this past year and I ended up running for cover and all I can say is thank god I have good friends that bailed me out of the situation!. Why wait if your partner doesn't because of your own self worth. it's kind of like saying "everyone else is doing it should why can't I?" I was a virgin till marriage even though my husband wasn't because It was somrthing that I wanted to give him, something special that I saved for the one. Just becvause he made a mistake, why should I? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gingerstar Posted July 21, 2008 Share Posted July 21, 2008 I believe marriage is overrated too... there are so many boxes we have to check off in order to be considered "normal" and "happy", that they become more of a burden/roadblocks then symbols of human growth and prosperity. where is the individual choice?? If you know what you want, stick to your guns and wait it out or go for it. IMO "it is better to regret the things you do, than the things you didn't do". But we all make our own choices and have to live with them. We can't keep measuring ourselves up to impossible standards... and by impossible I mean beyond our immediate reality... "suffering is optional" -pj "there are so many boxes we have to check off in order to be considered "normal" and "happy" Marriage should never be looked at this way. It shouldn't be an chore or burden. If it is then it's not the right one. You shouldn't have to force it to be right, It should happen and fall into place naturally. Mine did. You know it's wrong when it becomes a burden. Marriage is amazing! I hope everyone can experience that, but too many people have gotten married for the wrong reasons and turn out getting divorced and giving marriage a bad name. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rammspieler Posted July 22, 2008 Share Posted July 22, 2008 I say you just go and get it over with if you can. Holding out and believing there is a special someone for you out there is all fine and dandy. That is until you start hitting your mid twenties. From then on reality starts to set in and you realize that you've sat around hoping to find that person yet nobody wants you now because despite what most here would want you to believe, society does indeed look upon older virgins as weird. Believe me, I know this feeling all to well. Hence why I've decided that if I can't get the deed done by the time I'm 30, I'm going to pack my bags and head for Amsterdam or Australia and hire one of those escorts that specialize in "deflowering" older guys. I'm 28 now and although for the first time in my life I managed to score a date all by myself, I wouldn't place all my chips on it and I'm preparing for the worst case scenario where it won't last more than two dates and once again I end up sending valentines to my right hand. So I have two more years to go to try losing it the "hard" or "normal" way i.e. trying to get into a relationship. I suggest you do your research and seriously consider the escort option as a last resort. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gingerstar Posted July 22, 2008 Share Posted July 22, 2008 so not true. society does not look at virginity as weird. only perverted men and h0rny girls do. But real people respect it. I know this being a virgin my whole life until 3 months ago. I know some guys that were virgins until they were late 20's or 30's and no one looked down on them. girls actually loved it and respected it. Only girls that are intrested in getting off are going to want an "experienced" man. But girls who want the true heart of a man will admire and appreciate the fact that he's a virgin so much. you WILL find that special one, don't give in to societies crap. me and many girls would give anything to be with a virgin, regardless of their age. But yeah, I guess going to a dirty, disease infested hooker is alot wiser than waiting for the right one..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rammspieler Posted July 22, 2008 Share Posted July 22, 2008 so not true. society does not look at virginity as weird. only perverted men and h0rny girls do. But real people respect it. I know this being a virgin my whole life until 3 months ago. I know some guys that were virgins until they were late 20's or 30's and no one looked down on them. girls actually loved it and respected it. Only girls that are intrested in getting off are going to want an "experienced" man. But girls who want the true heart of a man will admire and appreciate the fact that he's a virgin so much. you WILL find that special one, don't give in to societies crap. me and many girls would give anything to be with a virgin, regardless of their age. But yeah, I guess going to a dirty, disease infested hooker is alot wiser than waiting for the right one..... You and I obviously come from different societies. But I realized that if I'm going to be taken seriously, then I need to get the deed done as in my society, only real men are taken seriously. On top of that, how can I honestly make fun of the people I mock in my rants and articles and call them virgins if I'm one myself? The myth of "the right one" is just that. A myth that overly romantic people make up so then they wouldn't have to be proactive when it comes to finding a mate. I used to be like that too. But I realized that waiting around did more harm than good. I also realized that the concept of romantic love is also a construct of the human mind to shield it from the all too primitive and non-rational reality that is the instinctual need to mate and pass on one's seed. Religion is a good example of one such defense mechanism created by society to deal with that harsh reality. Also, what's up with people on this board insisting that all escorts legal or otherwise must certainly be carrying some STD or another? I thought it was a well established fact that in places where prostitution is legal, the girls are required to get checked out monthly and all clients are required to wear protection. Get your facts straight, people! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gingerstar Posted July 22, 2008 Share Posted July 22, 2008 so being a virgin means you're not a real man? that is really ignorant. How does sticking your d!*k in someone make you a man? are those 14 year old boys that have sex real men? you must be in a society of idiots if they base your value of a person on whether you've done someone or not. You seem very bitter and I am truly sorry that you haven't found the right one yet, but you're only 28! not 80! why are you giving up already? there is no need to crush everyon elses hope just because you haven't had any luck. How can it be a myth when there is actual proof, couples that have been married and are dearly in love after 50, 60 years. I know many close friends that have that, and I also believe I've found that too. And How could it hurt you and not other men? I don't mean to sound harsh, but did you ever think that someone may not want you because of YOU and not the fact that you're a virgin? someone so negative and closed minded, It would be hard to find anyone with that attitude.I don't think it has anything to do with the fact that you're a virgin, I highly doubt a girl would be in a relationship with you, love you then leave you once she found out you are a virgin. And if so, thats not the type of person you would want anyways. So everyone thats in romantic love is full of it? religious people are too? you don't know everything, or much of anything. But until you experience those great things for yourself, you'll be stuck living in ignorance. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mr me Posted July 22, 2008 Author Share Posted July 22, 2008 I dont know lol. This is kinda crazy but its good people have express themselves lol. I feel like i am tired of waiting but its not really that as i dont feel like mentally i can deal with it. I tried and im glad someone could try to say some good things and also kinda fight back and not let them talk u out of how you feel. Thats good because ive been there where either i would get hurt for trying to do something good or just keep it to myself because alot of people dont get it. I would also argue as much as it might have to do with the person its also the people around you that make you who you are. I feel like if i had different people around me that i would be alot different but i dont have that blessing so im just kinda finding a way thru all the bs. I also say that i also agree with the reality approach because i dont feel like everything can be so romanticized but i also dont believe that its all untrue. I do believe in true love and also felt that way but i also know that my idea right now of true love isnt really so healthy but it still is my view until i can work myself out of this. I dont know i see everyday that i have alot to deal with but its very stressful to be the only person i know that feels the way i do about things. Im not losing it with someone that i dont feel like there is some type of connection but im not waiting for someone that i feel like i could really connect with because i dont see that happening anytime soon in the situation im in. I have so many things that need to get better and im basically starting from the ground up. I also need to deal with my past and all the craziness. I waited a really long time which has been over a year and a half since all of this happened. Im just gonna go with whatever comes my way in life and make the most of it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gingerstar Posted July 22, 2008 Share Posted July 22, 2008 You sound like you've got a good head on your shoulders. it's amazing to me how over-rated sex is. men (and some women) seem to think that if they had sex life would be so much better. FALSE, unless it's with someone you're deeply ion love with. It's meaningless and empty. Because without those emotions behind it, it won't fufill a thing. I just don't want to see anyone make the mistake my husband made. He felt like 'why am I still a virgin??" and guys pressured him, so he went and slept with someone he didn't love and he regrst it so much know that he's found "the one". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MD Geist Posted July 22, 2008 Share Posted July 22, 2008 Why wait if your partner doesn't because of your own self worth. it's kind of like saying "everyone else is doing it should why can't I?" I was a virgin till marriage even though my husband wasn't because It was somrthing that I wanted to give him, something special that I saved for the one. Just becvause he made a mistake, why should I? I just believe its a huge waste after waiting and waiting as well as being tempted so manytimes to just give it away you kind of wish your partner would do the same. I would understand if both of you waited but if only one of you did I just see it as kind of a waste. Either way Iam in and I can't go back. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MD Geist Posted July 22, 2008 Share Posted July 22, 2008 so being a virgin means you're not a real man? that is really ignorant. How does sticking your d!*k in someone make you a man? are those 14 year old boys that have sex real men? you must be in a society of idiots if they base your value of a person on whether you've done someone or not. You seem very bitter and I am truly sorry that you haven't found the right one yet, but you're only 28! not 80! why are you giving up already? there is no need to crush everyon elses hope just because you haven't had any luck. How can it be a myth when there is actual proof, couples that have been married and are dearly in love after 50, 60 years. I know many close friends that have that, and I also believe I've found that too. Iam a virgin and I feel like iam more of a man then all the men who I have seen throughout my life time who cheated on there wives and g/f and distroyed there families. Thats something I wouldn't do. I do see what your saying though because when I was growing up I knew tons of friends who where out having sex and I was the only one who wasn't and yeah I was concidered a blacksheep and uncool but they all where either parents at an early age or worst STD positive. I knew I couldn't find love back in those days. Even today Its still very tough. I choose to wait because almost 10 years ago I knew quite a few people who wanted sex, they got it but there was a nasty STD going around at the time and I found it so creepy I just stay cleared from sex. And How could it hurt you and not other men? I don't mean to sound harsh, but did you ever think that someone may not want you because of YOU and not the fact that you're a virgin? someone so negative and closed minded, It would be hard to find anyone with that attitude.I don't think it has anything to do with the fact that you're a virgin, I highly doubt a girl would be in a relationship with you, love you then leave you once she found out you are a virgin. And if so, thats not the type of person you would want anyways. So everyone thats in romantic love is full of it? religious people are too? you don't know everything, or much of anything. But until you experience those great things for yourself, you'll be stuck living in ignorance. Growing up and even going through college alot of girls wouldn't date me because I was "Inexperienced" in there eyes and got alot of gossip from it where they would say things like "he wouldn't know how to please a woman" and was surrounded by nothing but party go'ers and ignorant women as a result dating was something impossible growing up, but I kept trying. Since redurrecting my life for religious purposes I have been surrounded by great people who encourage me to remain a virgin till marriage, I have had a few chances to lose it I just wasn't into one night stands nor the women who threw themselves at me. However I do find myself at a disadvantage because I donno what to do. How would I know to please a woman, learn how to kiss and such. I don't have the vocabulary when it comes down to this issue and its like if I do meet a woman what will she think of me being a virgin at 22 or never kissing and such?. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gingerstar Posted July 22, 2008 Share Posted July 22, 2008 Being a christian myself. I can tell you that if she is where you are in your faith. She won't care!! she will repect the fact that you are a virgin. trust me, kissing and sex aren't hard to learn. we were made to do that stuff so it just comes natural. You have nothing to worry about. Besides there are books to help with that stuff. Stay around people who encourage virginity, you are more of a real man than all those proiscuous guys out there. And someday someone will be grateful of that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stella777 Posted July 23, 2008 Share Posted July 23, 2008 Being a christian myself. I can tell you that if she is where you are in your faith. She won't care!! she will repect the fact that you are a virgin. trust me, kissing and sex aren't hard to learn. we were made to do that stuff so it just comes natural. You have nothing to worry about. Besides there are books to help with that stuff. Stay around people who encourage virginity, you are more of a real man than all those proiscuous guys out there. And someday someone will be grateful of that. yes, I cant understand how people say oh we dont know what to do whatever! my bf had sex with alot more than me before ( I just had one before him) and still didnt know well how to please me till I told him! it is like super easy if the guy or girl tells you what to do. The only very important thing in sex is you should be into it and want it and show your desire! when I first had sex other than the fact that penetration was hard I knew how to act and how to please him. It just comes naturally! just act the same as you do in your fantasies or in movies or whatever you like! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stella777 Posted July 23, 2008 Share Posted July 23, 2008 and by the way, my ex that didnt have much sexual experiences was a better lover than my current that had! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lily04 Posted July 23, 2008 Share Posted July 23, 2008 how old are you? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rammspieler Posted July 23, 2008 Share Posted July 23, 2008 My response to Gingerstar because as much as I value MD Geist's opinion on the matter, I alone can answer to the questions put before me. My replies are in bold Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MD Geist Posted July 23, 2008 Share Posted July 23, 2008 yes, I cant understand how people say oh we dont know what to do whatever! my bf had sex with alot more than me before ( I just had one before him) and still didnt know well how to please me till I told him! it is like super easy if the guy or girl tells you what to do. The only very important thing in sex is you should be into it and want it and show your desire! when I first had sex other than the fact that penetration was hard I knew how to act and how to please him. It just comes naturally! just act the same as you do in your fantasies or in movies or whatever you like! So pretty much its all about commutination then?. Not the act itself but what your partner is like you know "telling" you what to do?. Being a christian myself. I can tell you that if she is where you are in your faith. She won't care!! she will repect the fact that you are a virgin. trust me, kissing and sex aren't hard to learn. we were made to do that stuff so it just comes natural. You have nothing to worry about. Besides there are books to help with that stuff. Stay around people who encourage virginity, you are more of a real man than all those proiscuous guys out there. And someday someone will be grateful of that. Thanks I hope it is that way when it finally does happen. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mr me Posted July 24, 2008 Author Share Posted July 24, 2008 I guess ill start by just jumping on the bandwagon of my thread because it seems to have been completely taken over. I feel like people have different views on things and thats how they decide to see it. I feel like thats fine just sometimes people can be so ignorant that they will argue and argue over and over again and really not see that either they are both right, wrong or too different to see eye to eye. I have my values that i feel really strongly about but im not in a position to be where i can follow along with my values anymore and have had to adapt. I guess its better that way so i can handle life situations alot better but its still really depressing to me. Ive had something happen to me that has scarred me really badly and its a struggle to make any type of idea of whats going on in my life anymore. I feel like im still am waiting in someways because right now im not looking to get over all of this any time soon. My family history also with relationships is disastrous so idk what to make of that. I tried to not end up like them and i did anyways. I guess all im saying is im not steering a ship in a direction that isnt going to take me anywhere. So im not waiting on my idealistic visionary idea that im gonna get over her and find a girl like that. I have so many demons and skeletons in my closet that i dont even know what to do anymore. I just feel like im not gonna have my hopelessly romantic life that i dreamed of but hopefully i can be more of a hopeful romantic and somehow not be stuck so much in my very messed up and painful past and in someways present. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mr me Posted July 24, 2008 Author Share Posted July 24, 2008 I dont know if someone asked me or whoever it was but i was going to answer because idk if it directed to me. Im 23 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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