Best way to be there for my best bud?

[Tilter]

Not sure which area this should go in, feel free to correct me if this is the wrong area.

 

Alright, I have this friend. She's been my best friend for several years now and I'm terribly worried about her. The big problem is that her mother is currently dating my ex-stepfather, Kevin. This man has made my life heck since I was little. My friend knows about all the problems I've had with him personally and the reason for the divorce, and I thought her mother did too.

 

A first it was alright with us that they were dating. We'd just go to my house instead of her house, so neither of us would have to be around Kevin. If I do stay at my friend's house, her mother will warn me if Kevin says he'll be over. She knows I want nothing to do with him. Well, recently I've heard from my friend that her Mother and Kevin were talking about moving in together. Although it sounds like I don't want them to do that but my friend doesn't want it to happen either.

 

He would be bringing the same problems into their home, as he did mine. Drugs, drinking excessively, verbal abuse, controlling behavior, possibly physical abuse. My friend's mother has three kids, two living with her. From what I know, it's been my friend's mom and her kids for years. I know my friend's mother wants a man in her life but... Her only daughter, has told her that she does not want him in their home. They have argued over it, my friend has cried over it.

 

I know the best I have to offer my friend is a place to stay if he does move in with her family and a shoulder to cry on. I just... don't know! I know it wouldn't do any good if I told her mother how he is when living in a home, forget that my friend and I have still yet to tell her that he had cheated on my mother with a 16-18yr old around the time I was 13.

 

Does anyone have some wise words or suggestions for me or my friend?

[Cuppedia]

Your friend's mother is going to cause a lot of harm to herself and her family by allowing that man into her house, your mom wasn't warned but this other woman has and still decided to ignore everything.

 

It seems the options your friend now has are either move elsewhere (maybe with a relative, and take any brother or sister with her) or stay and call the police at the first sign of violence or aggression, I assume she's underage so she could also talk to a teacher and inform them about this issue so that in case anything goes really bad there are many people who know about it.

 

You're right that your friend's mom is not likely to pay any attention to what you have to say about Kevin, she's the adult anyway, so you and your friend are going to have to be VERY careful and avoid him as much as possible.

Your friend's brothers or sisters will have to do the same, if they are very small it could be a problem that they'll start fearing this guy and will not say if he does something to them.

 

I hope this woman wakes up and doesn't try to force her kids to deal with that monster, just be there for your friend and don't let the man keep making your life difficult.

[Tilter]

Thank you for replying, Cuppedia!

 

I'm not sure how many of her relatives would be able to house her but my home is always open to her at any time. She's been staying a week at a time in my home, lately. Luckily her only other sibling living with her is a 15? year old boy, he should be relatively fine if he has to be moved out somewhere with his family.

 

I really do hope that her mother can see past his friendly face and gets rid of him, she doesn't need that same hurt my family went though. She has always been a wonderful woman to me, her house is almost like a second home.

[Cuppedia]

No problem

 

Your friend is very lucky to have you, it would be ideal if there was no need for the extra home but at least there's a person who is supporting her.

 

I'm relieved to hear her brother is already around 15, it's still bad if Kevin moves but not as terrible as if there was a little boy around, better be careful anyway, it's kind of suspicious that he looks for women with teenage kids.

 

Let's hope for the best, a nice and calm conversation between your friend and her mother in which she can express her fears and concerns without making her mom feel attacked, judged or pressured might help.