First time poster..boyfriend problems :(

[Elizzy09]

Well, my boyfriend and i have had a rough year. He moved to another side of town, which meant a new high school, 1 year ago(weve been together 2 and 1/2 years) This caused alot of problems which was expected, but i guess i wasnt really ready for the problems and changes.

There were no problems on my end...he did everything bad, but never really cheated as far as a know. I have come to terms with what he did, and i continue to work through it everyday because im giving him a 2nd chance, as i believe everyone deserves one.

 

We are going to be seniors this year...but im dreading this school year. I keep thinking about the last one, and how things went on i didnt know about til now. Im absolutely worried sick and its ruining my summer. The fact that he even has friends that are girls there, is killing me and making me neurotic. Just to clarify, i used to be SO CHILL about this kind of stuff. i never clung too tightly or was 'that jealous girl' ever. i always prided myself on not being one of those girls, and now i am one. Im working through everything, but this school thing is now driving me up a wall, and i dont know what to do for right now, or how to prepare for it when it comes. Its starting to leak into other things as well..such as him hanging out with his guy friends and there gf's....or him working at the local store with a bunch of school friends.

 

I dont know what to do, and i know i dont want to break up. I give 2nd chances, but now what?

[Jelina]

I am having a hard time understanding your problem....what exactly is it? What are the bad things that your bf did that made you feel jealous of other girls?

[Elizzy09]

sorry. well he liked this other girl and had a big emotional thing with her. he said she made him feel good. He also had friends who liked him and tried to get him to cheat on me, but he still texted them all the time. He's lied alot about where he was going during the year, went to parties w/o me and stuff.

He's changed alot but i still have a hard time trusting him with other girls. I picked him up from work the other day and one girl he works with called out to him, smiled, and said bye see you next time. that put me in such a bad mood, i ended up ruining the night. I just hate the fact he is talking to girls i dont know, and having platonic relationships with them(friendship) Its killing me, and i know it will be worse during the school year when hes with them everyday, and im not.

[c0nfus3d]

I sort of know how you're feeling. My boyfriend has A LOT of friends that are female, and I get pretty jealous when he hangs out with one in particular because she flirts with him and I just don't trust her. I'm moving to go to college next year and I'll see him maybe twice a month... that really freaks me out! She'll be close to him, and I won't. But anyway, give him a long leash and see what happens. If he cheats on you, at least you found out what type of guy you were dating.

[reovi]

Elizzy if you don't nip your paranoia in the bud you will end up like me, over 10 years older than you and not able to trust even a good guy because I let the bad guys get to me and I put up with them.

 

Fact is that no matter how much you worry, if he wants to cheat on you he will, and all the worrying and stressing in the world won't make him stop if he really wants to... So you need to find that chill girl deep inside you again so when the RIGHT guy comes along you won't mess it up.

 

I know you care about him and want to give him a second chance, and I totally get that not stressing is near impossible, but maybe giving him the long leash like c0nfus3d said and acting to him like it doesn't bother you, then venting on here or to a friend in private would help-I think if you give him this freedom he will either come back to you and not screw up, or he will screw up and you'll have to make the hard decision-it'll happen sooner than later.

 

Remember, you shouldn't have to compromise what you want, because being uncomfortable in a relationship is no relationship to be in... Relationships are supposed to make you happier, and you don't sound happy at all, and it doesn't sound like you have the problem that needs fixing-he does-and only he can make himself respect you.

[Elizzy09]

thanks reovi, i think i might try this. Im just afraid i wont know whats going on behind my back, he really is very sneaky

[Elizzy09]

Edit/Update:

 

I dropped bf off for work. Went in to get food about 5 min later with my brother and saw him chatting/laughing with about 3 girls...then took one aside and starting talking with her since they werent busy. I burst into tears(IDK WHY!!) and ran out. He followed and asked what was wrong but had to go back in. I didnt end up telling him, and probably wont. I just dont know why this normal everyday stuff affects me so much

[Anonymous122]

You should just be up front with him.

 

My ex-fiancee had a male friend who was extremely close with her, and constantly sending her IMs with hugs and kisses, as well as getting jealous of ME, her fiancee, when she didn't log on at least once a day to talk to him.

 

I spoke with her, and she didn't understand, so I simply told him to get lost.

[reovi]

Ok, talking with co-workers at work is okay I think. I understand why you broke down and ran out, this whole thing has you in a fit about it and now every little thing will set you off. Remember(I'm not trying to talk down to you or sound cliche)that if he wants to cheat he will whether you cry or not, and seriously if he does then there are millions of other fish in the sea!! Try to be strong around him and not break down so he can't use your getting all emotional as an excuse for any bad behavior later on-we will totally be here for your weak moments...and seriously, if your unhappiness continues you gotta think about breaking away so you don't get trapped in a cycle where your happiness depends on his actions.