in a bad place.

[maire clair]

hi and good wishes to everyone, im new and a beginner to forums.

my story started when i left my boyfriend in november o6 after 11 years im 27 now and we committed very young. although i loved him very much we grew apart and became very unhappy he didnt undrestand me anymore and we couldnt communicate.

 

i was the strong responsible one in the relationship i guess and at the time i felt there was a better life for us both. he was devestated.

i was so caught up in how it would effect him i didnt realise how it would change my life.

he said and did everything he could to get me back and a month later we got involved again. it was bliss i really thought the braek up had give us the kick we needed to realise wat we lost.

 

For six months it was great then the bombshell landed, he told me he was seeing a girl for the month we were apart and she was 6 an half months pregnant and she claimed it was his.

He knew all along and couldn find courage to tell me. my whole world crumbled. just about every emotion poss i felt it. i dont blame him for being with her he was free to do as he pleased and i dont blame her either. he wanted me to make it all ok and support him like i always did he said i was his whole world an nobody could make him feel the way i did. so i begged him for the truth and all the facts.

He said he felt nothin for her and she knew that and he would support her and take responsibility for the child, he was always an honest person. so i made the decision to be with him and try make it work. i loved him an wanted to help him and support him.

Nothing could prepare me for the pain of it, he didnt understand.

The child was born, dna test went out the window and naturally he was bursting with pride and i felt for him cause i guess he felt he coulnd revel in it under the circumstances.

He began spending alot of time with her and her family to see the baby i understood. but i knew deep down he wasnt telling her we were togeather.

 

He took her up to his parents once a week and i coulnt be there cause he said it just wouln be right. he would go to hers twice a week for visits we fought all the time, he never stopped texing and ringing her all the time.

 

We split up 3 times and within a day or two he would come to my door crying and begging me not to leave him that he would tell her and make it right but it never really happened, always half stories and things not adding up, he was with me every nite but i knew he was allowing her to hope they could be a family and it just didnt make any sense i know he had to keep things smooth with her not to risk losing his visits with the baby, i just couldn understand why he wasnt honest with her and i from the start so we all knew the facts and spare us all this torture.

She figured out for herself we were togeather but she stilll hoped and he would confide in her about our problems.

 

Itwas never the child or the woman that was the problem it was him. i just couldnt understand what he was trying to do and i needed his support and reasurrance i didnt get it. the child is 9 months old now.

We had a row two weeks ago and he said if i didnt accept him that she would and i was just jealous. instead of saying sorry he ignored me for three days and we both returned each others belongings and called it a day. now once again he is begging me to try again he is sorry, he even said he would leave it all behind to be with me and wont let go.

 

I just cant take anymore, im so low ive nothing left im just numb and seeking help to move on from this. i feel ill never feel the same for anyone that i felt for him that scares me. but i hate that he has put me through so much and i cant look at him the same way anymore. i made me feel it was all my fault cause i left in the first place.

i cant sort his life out for him anymore i desperatly need someone to tell me everything will be ok for a change and he just couldn see what it all did to me. im left with nothing and if i go back i will always resent him and neither of us deserves that life. i miss the memory of what we used to have or what i thought we had its just all gone and i dont know how to rebuild my life now. im sorry for the long post i just wanted to write it all down i guess. i wish you all well on your own painful journeys and its good to hear other folks stories.

[civilservant]

Hi Marie, I'm sorry I haven't read your post as it's impossible to read in that huge block of text. Could you change it? When it's easier to read more people will do so, then we'll venture an opinion.

 

Welcome to the forum

[Supa_gurl]

Welcome Maire Clair. I read your post, and I am sorry you are being put through this. It seems to me that you finally (although it will hurt like heck) need to let him go once and for all. He can't seem to make up his mind as to what he really wants and you can''t be caught in the middle. You have a life too, and you need to live it with someone that will treat you the way you deserve. Good luck sweetie.