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Can't help but focus on what's bad


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Help! I've been with my boyfriend for five years, live together and love him very much. But recently I have noticed that I've started to focus on what he doesn't do, what he does 'wrong' and every little thing that annoys me about him, rather than all the good in our relationship! I don't understand why I'm suddenly doing this, it makes me miserable but how do I stop it?

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I don't know about the 7 year itch but I will tell you about something called the Five year wobble that I and many people I know and talk to, have been through.

When you get to the fifth year, little things start to annoy you as do some behaviours of your other half that in the beginning were cute and even cool.

You start thinking about the what if's and am I missing out's. You may even start to argue a little more than usual and do your best to encourage them to go out without you so you can have more time on your own.

Of course there are a million other things and I should think harder, perhaps ask some of those I know who've been here, but essentially, you're questioning.

I don't know whether there is some reason underneath it, but maybe unconsciously we all got to a point where we had to question whether we saw a future in the relationship and if not, was five years enough to invest? Is five years all we're going to give to a relationship that won't perhaps be as fruitful as we hoped and even if the promise is there, do we really want to take them up on it.


Anyway, we've named it the five year wobble and almost everyone I know who's reached five years, has felt it.

Those who have survived it, have sat down, talked to there partner about any concerns and of the future plans and decided they are either going to work on their relationship or not. If they do, it usually passes. With a little more time and attention to each other and with each other...more alone time, more silly romantic things...bring back the magic.


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It might also help to try to remember the good things. Make a list of all the things you love about him, things he does to show he cares, ways that he contributes to the relationship, positive things that make him unique. Try to think back and remember why you started dating in the first place.


No one is perfect and everyone makes mistakes. I'm sure there are things about you that irritate him too. But make sure you have open communication and work on remembering at least one positive thing for every negative thing that bothers you.

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