amethyst exchange Posted July 20, 2008 Share Posted July 20, 2008 Gah, I'm officially worthless now as a sexual being.... I've been seeing this woman for the last month and we were just starting to get intimate. Each and every time we've actually got close to anything remotely close to sex...(I mean beyond kissing) my head (mind brain, eyes ears and nose...not...the other one) explodes with all these...voices. I start feeling really guilty about the situation and feel sick about it and we have to..stop. She's been really understanding about it saying that it is really early anyways and been really sweet about it. However, I know she's getting frustrated with it. And I can't even let her touch me...it hurts. It's like someone screaming in my head. Now, we don't hug or kiss or even hold hands. I just...can't. She took my hand last night when we were waiting in line for the movies and I winced...and kind of slid my hand away from her. I know it devestated her, she gave me this look like I'd ripped her heart out. I couldn't even look her in the eye the rest of the night, I felt so bad. It just feels like every time she shows me any affection it...hurts. All I can think anymore is that if I weren't such a coward, or if I wasn't so useless...or worthless none of this would be a problem. It just seems everytime I get into a situation like this every insecurity I have roars in my head. I try to ignore it, but it doesn't work. Link to comment
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