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Women And Settling


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Knowing you met someone right for you doesnt mean that you run out and marry that person.


But i disagree, I think most people do "know" when they have found someone very right for them. It is a feeling that things are just jiving very well. Nothing is perfect of course, but you just have this feeling that it is very right and makes so much sense and not being with that person seems so very foreign. You feel compatible and you just "know" that person is who you want to spend your life with.


Maybe that doesn't happen to everyone but it happens to too many people to say it isn't true altogether.

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I agree. Up until recently, I used to think that when you meet the right person, things will follow from there. Well, I think that's only partly true. Timing (based on career and other considerations) and inner work (based on being 100% happy being alone and figuring out what I want in a relationship) are increasingly becoming important to me and I've come to realize that all of that has to fit with also meeting the right person (and I believe there are many potential "right people" rather than just one who is "the one").



It goes without saying that meeting the right person absolutely is also dependent upon timing and a person's expectations at that point in their life. But my thinking is if the person in question isn't ready for a relationship or the timing is all wrong then it won't be one of those deals where you meet him or her and just "know" because they won't be the "one" for you at that given time due to circumstance.


Case in point. I first met my SO years ago when I was still married. We were friends a long time. When i first met him there was no "i know he is the one" kind of thing because at that time he wasn't the "one" I wanted to be wtih. That happened twelve years later. So i know firsthand that timing and circumstance is every bit as important as meeting a person you will be very compatible with and fall in love with.

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It all depends how you define "the one" - some would define it (not me) as exclusive of timing - that as soon as you meet that person or shortly after you know he is the one and timing is irrelevant.


Similarly, people define "just knowing" differently -some are referring to the "just knowing" that comes from intense chemistry/butterflies in the beginning, some have a more head plus heart definition that develops over time, etc. I know of many examples of people who "just knew" early on and it didn't work out precisely because of what they knew -- but chose to ignore -- from the very beginning.

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Neither men nor women should settle for less than what they want. Settling typically occurs when a person meets someone who is not up to their standards and yet a person continues to date the person or further the relationship in some way. When person decides independent of a person that their standards are too high then this is not settling it is simply acknowledging that their standards were too unrealistic and they needed to be reassessed.

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