Ex Broke NC And I Got Kinda Angry, Do I Apologize?

[ILikeHockey]

Well, last night my ex broke NC. We had both agreed that it was best we not talk for a month, but she broke it anyways, for some reason. Here's the conversation:

 

 

 

What do I do now? Do I apologize for getting kinda upset? If so, how? Do I call? E-mail?

 

 

Urg, I didn't realize how much worse this whole thing would get when she contacted....

[fleck1234]

Just let it go. I didn't think you sounded rude or bad at all. Go back to NC and see what happens.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

You have to say what you mean... she says:

what exactly is "this"?

I say:

this

She says:

as in...not dating?

She says:

or not at the talk day?

I say:

iunno

 

She is trying to ask what you mean, and you don't answer her. She was opening the door to talking about whether you were upset about not dating, or not talking, or what your status was, and you backed away from it without answering it. So she was confused.

 

You also said:

 

say:

so that you can unblock me and talk when its time

 

 

What time is that? Time for what? she can't read your mind but you are expecting her to.

 

These kind of text conversations never lead anywhere but confusion. Be very direct with her about what you want, and stick to it.

 

Do you want her only to contact you if she wants to get back together? (then say that).

 

Or do you want her to contact you in a month or two (then say that).

 

So if she tries to strike up a conversation and you don't want to, then just don't respond.

[ILikeHockey]

Me and her have already talked though (only four days ago, right before we agreed on NC) I'm pretty sure she knows what I want, I shouldn't have to go through another conversation with her about that, if all I'm gonna get is "I just wanna be friends".

 

But, now that you mention it, I guess I could've been a bit clearer with what I want. She might be a bit confused.

 

 

I'm positive she knew what I meant by "when its time". We agreed on when we'd start talking again, and thats the time I meant. Heck, we even agreed that neither of us could do the whole friends thing right now, so why's she starting this conversation in the first place?

 

 

So, back to NC? No further explanations of anything then (like fleck's saying)?

[ILikeHockey]

Should I maybe just send something along these lines?

 

 

Hey, I'm sorry if I sounded a little upset last night. But, we agreed on no contact for a reason. I'm not ready to go back to talking about our everyday lives like that. If you need to understand how things are between us, or how I feel about things, then I guess we can talk about that. Other than that though, lets avoid talking until the day we agreed on.

 

Or am I better off just avoiding contact altogether again?

[amipushy]

Yes. You didnt come accross as rude or bad. Think about blocking her though because she now knows that you can't see her when she's online but she can still see you and it might got her thinking that you wanted to talk to her which is why she broke contact. Make it easier for her to be "gone".

[ILikeHockey]

I hope I can go without contacting her, I'll certainly try. As for blocking her though.. we agreed on a day to talk, but I'm trying very hard not to remember that day (which means I avoid counting down to it, and getting hurt more). She knows now not to talk to me when she sees me online (even though she knew that before...), hopefully we avoid this problem in the future.

 

I don't know if I can stop myself from talking to her though. Last night made me realize how much I miss it. We used to talk for hours every night, and now... nothing. I know talking to her won't help me get over her, but.... there's a big part of me that still wants back what we had, and still wants things to work out. NC just got a whole lot harder....

[jarias2311]

NC is the hardest thing to do. I am just now starting NC with my ex and this NC could probably be lifetime NC so its very hard to think that the person you love most in the world might never be in your life again. If you need to talk I suggest just coming on here. Its what I will be doing now.

 

And to answer your ?..I think you should just shoot her that small email or text apologizing. You dont want her to be annoyed or upset at you and by sending this you are at least showing that you care about her feelings. She will appreciate it.

 

If i may ask, was it her that broke it off? Or was it your decision?

[ILikeHockey]

She broke up with me. With no signs of it coming or anything. All she would say was that she loves me, but doesn't wanna be in a relationship with me because she doesn't love me in that way. It took a couple days, but I got her to give real reasons, about how she feels like she can't be herself around me (so then why does she still wanna talk to me?), about how she feels like she can't have fun doing the things she wants to do with me around (she was always too worried about me having fun to have fun herself, so again, why does she still want to talk to me and be friends?), and about how she's just unsure of how she feels.

 

I think I'm gonna try to give myself a few hours before I decide whether to send the message or not (this morning, I've gone from wanting to call and have a huge long conversation with her, to wanting to send that message, to wanting to ignore her completely, to now wanting to send a message telling her to just stay the hell away from me from now on), because I really need to calm down over this whole thing.

[jarias2311]

If she broke up with you, dont give her what she wants and that is you as a friend. This is what my ex is doing to me. She says shes not sure if shes in love and knows that its right to just end it right now, but then she still wants me around as her best friend. How can you be a best friend to someone who has always been more than that to you? Its unfair to you and it will hurt you in the end. So I change my mind, I say dont leave her a message. She knows you love her and want her back, if you are too involved or anything of that nature, it just makes them more in control.

 

All in all, you just have to make it seem like your doing ok...even if your not.

[ILikeHockey]

I don't plan on being friends with her. Right now, I feel like I should call her tonight, and just talk about things. If she wants to get back together (I still think that theres a pretty big part of her that does), fine, and if she doesn't, never talk to her again. Just get all this over with, no more waiting the month to see what happens.

 

But, how I've been feeling on what I should do has been changing so much over the past few hours. I'll wait and see how I feel then.

[jarias2311]

I don't plan on being friends with her. Right now, I feel like I should call her tonight, and just talk about things. If she wants to get back together (I still think that theres a pretty big part of her that does), fine, and if she doesn't, never talk to her again. Just get all this over with, no more waiting the month to see what happens.

 

But, how I've been feeling on what I should do has been changing so much over the past few hours. I'll wait and see how I feel then.

 

Having a conversation about the relationship is the wrong way to go I feel. She broke up with you for a reason; she doesnt know what she wants. The worst thing to do is to pressure a person into making a decision bc then its forced. Like fi you get back tonight, you might be happy but in her mind she might have just felt forced to get back into the relationship and if thats the case, it will just fall apart again. I say give her time and she will come around one way or the other with her decision.

 

Just follow your heart..as corny as it sounds just do whats best for you.

[amipushy]

This is the very time when you SHOULDN'T contact her, Don't do it!!!!!

[ILikeHockey]

I have no intention of getting back with her any time soon, because thats not whats best for me. I'd like to agree on working towards it though. But, I guess we'll just have to see what happens in a month, when she gets in touch with me.

 

I just hope I can avoid trying to talk to her.

[jarias2311]

what did you end up doing?

[ILikeHockey]

Haven't done anything yet. Giving consideration to calling, but thats probably a bad idea. Doesn't mean I won't do it (I'm still not sure), just means its a bad idea.

[ILikeHockey]

Just figured I'd update this. I'm not gonna call/email. I'm actually feeling really good about everything right now, oddly enough.

 

You see, her ex-best friend (they stopped being best friends this summer) and me used to be decently good friends, but I ended up getting really sick of some of the stuff she was doing this summer. I'll admit, I should've talked to her about things as they came up, and not just let them sit. When I did end up talking to her, it wasn't exactly the best of times, as she'd just gotten off a 13 hour shift, and I might've been just a wee bit insulting (not overly so, but enough that combined with the 13 hour shift, it set her off). We argued majorly before she just left, and I hadn't talked to her since. But, I talked to her tonight, figuring I'd just apologize and leave it at that, but we got to talking, and we're friends again, and I just feel really good about stuff right now. I like what I'm taking out of this breakup, of how to be a better person, even if it wasn't me that caused the whole thing in the first place.

 

 

I'd like to thank everyone here for their comments and input, and helping me to put off calling her long enough to realize that I was doing the right thing If me and her are ever gonna reconcile and get back together, its HER that has a ton of stuff to work on, and she has to realize that and come to me. If she doesn't, then I just have to get on with my life, which starts now.

[Jelina]

I am really happy that you feel this way. I just hope that you remember that even though you miss her sometimes talking to her will just make you feel worst again. I get the sense that you are hoping to get back with her because of this break that you guys are taking. I think you should just see it as it is, you might but you might not.

 

Don't get your hopes up to then get crushed all over again. I know that you said in one of your other posts that you feel like she still wants to be with you, just remember that it is possible that she won't just like when she broke up with you out of no where. You just never know, this girl seems a little indecisive in my opinion. Who knows why she really imed you in the first place when she knows you guys are taking a break? Maybe to make sure you don't forget about her? Just keep looking out for yourself....

[jarias2311]

Im porud of you for not contacting her. Take it from me, I have broken NC plenty of times with my ex and most of the times the conversations arent exactly what you want them to be. And just like many other people have said, they truly just end up making you think of her more/hurt more. Stay strong bro, your a young guy like me (Im 20 goin on 21). Im sure there are times where your sad and depressed, but when you are just try and think of something that makes you happiest. Ive found that its made me sleep a little better than the first two nights when I had to take sleeping pills. Goodluck with everything and hopefully you dont stop posting on here..

[ILikeHockey]

You're quite right Jelina, she is indecisive. Its rare that theres something she's completely sure on, I had just thought that I was one of those rare things...

 

I'm trying not to get my hopes up, but as everyone here knows, its definitely not the easiest thing in the world to avoid. I keep telling myself that even if we did get back together, this whole thing would just happen again in a couple months, just because she IS so indecisive, and apparently unwilling to communicate. And now that I think about it, she's gone through this whole "I'm not sure if I love you" thing before, but I had never thought of it that way. That time, I'll admit that most of the bad stuff in the relationship was my fault. Thinking back to that now... it just seems like theres no way things could ever work between us. But the hope is still there...

 

I'm not looking forward to the conversation we're gonna be having next month, when I'll probably be telling her to just never bother me again. That conversation's gonna suck, and it won't go the way I want it too. It'd be great if she told me that she's realized she has issues, but she's starting to work through them, and she knows she wants to be with me. But, life never works out that perfect, does it?

[cpujunkie]

Take your time and relax. As a couple have mentioned, don't force the issue as it will make it worse. I have found that out as well recently. Let the chips fall where they may is what some have been telling me. NC is hard but you slowly get going again. Time and patience. Keep trucking along.