asking out my boss

[johnman1989]

Hi

 

I think my boss is interested in me, she is pretty playful. my old topic is in relationship communication, titled /I like my boss/ if you are interesting. (sorry the server wouldn't let me post the URL)

 

To summerize: We work at a pool, we did last summer, I really saw we had chemistry. This summer it continues, but I just don't know how and when to ask her out. I know I shouldn't at work, because work and personal life should not mix, but not too much so that I can't ask her out. I really don't want to ruin our good friendship, by freaking her out if she doesn't like me, or letting her down by not asking her. I think we are playing a big game though, that I started, because last summer everyone was spreading rumors I liked her. I didn't want to start off the summer weird by acting like I like her. So I think in return she is saying she doesn't want relationships and even more seriously she says she doesn't want to get married right after college because she wants to figure out how to do things on her own. I am not pushing this questions on her by the way. I should call her or something, but what would I say, "hey do you want to hang out tonight?"

 

I don't know...help?

[Jeximo]

I definitely wouldn't approach the situation in that manner. You should try to come up with something you are going to do anyway, and then invite her. So try, "My friend and I are goin' to this herbal tea place, apparently they have amazing tea, do you wanna come too?" If she say's yes and your friend doesn't show up because you actually made that up, just say, "Geeze, (s)he must've got caught up or something, (name) doesn't ever do that!"

 

This is only an example, but at least this way you don't really imply that it's going to be a date and it won't be awkward if she says no.

[johnman1989]

Yes, ha, I will try that.

[musicguy]

honestly, you shoudn't ask out your boss. First off I'm pretty sure that it's against the rules for any job

[Carmine]

honestly, you shoudn't ask out your boss. First off I'm pretty sure that it's against the rules for any job

 

It's a freakin pool job, not an office. A girl at my job was sleeping with the 30 year old former-proprietor for a while and she got away with it easily. Of course, she also slept with 1/2 of the other guys in the restaurant...

[civilservant]

It dosen't matter what sort of job it is, they are in a position of authority that is compromised when they date a subordiante. It's just plain wrong.

[Bkoguy07]

its just a pool job just quit if its a huge deal

[iwishiknew]

If I had a chance like that, I would go for it!

[johnman1989]

I'm gonna see if her and some of my other co-workers want to go to batman...the other co-workers are girls. So, I think it's full proof, I haven't seen it my friends all have, she probably hasn't and I think she would like to hang out with me and these girls.

[JadedStar]

It dosen't matter what sort of job it is, they are in a position of authority that is compromised when they date a subordiante. It's just plain wrong.

 

I agree.

 

Doesn't matter if it is just a pool job. It's training for the real world and dating a superior, even if they are only a small notch above you, is a conflict of interest.

[CaptainPlanet]

I agree.

 

Doesn't matter if it is just a pool job. It's training for the real world and dating a superior, even if they are only a small notch above you, is a conflict of interest.

 

LOL ! depends on what real world you are talking about Jaded Star. Lots of women date their supervisors.

[JadedStar]

LOL ! depends on what real world you are talking about Jaded Star. Lots of women date their supervisors.

 

And it is a conflict of interest CP.

 

It surely is not good practice at all. And the real world I am talking about is just that, the REAL world where employees and managers get fired for that. And it isn't fair (yes even in just a pool job) if an employee dates a supervisor because other employees will feel that person will get unjust rewards on the job even if it doesn't in fact happen. This is the main reason it is frowned upon, it creates an unjust environement in the minds of the other employees working there.

 

Let's say for the sake of argument they are all very young, teenagers even, and the supervisor is only a year or two older. Surely the other kids there are going to feel if he is dating the "boss" he'll get a better seat as it were then the rest. Gossip flies and the work environment is marred. It is not good practice no matter what type of job it is.

 

Just giving my advice.

[melrich]

The whole relationship in the workplace is a difficult issue I think. Let's face it, many, many, many people have met their b/fs, g/fs, husbands and wives in the workplace (I met my first wife at work).

 

I can definitely see what Jaded is saying and it may be the pool has a policy against this sort of thing.

 

My advice would be based on how important the job is to you. If it is a summer casual job and not of great importance to you then I'd say go for it, ask her out. But I think if a relationship started/developed then you should probably think about leaving the pool and getting a job elsewhere because it can cause problems in the workplace.

[johnman1989]

Well see the thing is I already get some special treatment from her (it's discrete though, and there isn't many ways she can do it at our workplace anyway) , and I help her out when people think they can * * * * * at her, because she isn't very authoritative.

[JadedStar]

The whole relationship in the workplace is a difficult issue I think. Let's face it, many, many, many people have met their b/fs, g/fs, husbands and wives in the workplace (I met my first wife at work).

 

I can definitely see what Jaded is saying and it may be the pool has a policy against this sort of thing.

 

My advice would be based on how important the job is to you. If it is a summer casual job and not of great importance to you then I'd say go for it, ask her out. But I think if a relationship started/developed then you should probably think about leaving the pool and getting a job elsewhere because it can cause problems in the workplace.

 

Yeah, I agree that most people meet their SO's at work. The difference is they normally are not in direct report status of that person. It is no problem if the people work in different departments but even same department romances with two folks of same stature complicate things. But boss/employee relationships are almost always frowned upon even if not a corporatioin or office for the simple fact that the other employees morale will go down feeling that the one dating bossy will get special favor.

 

So we are in agreement here definitely. I do agree that people, many people, meet SO's in the workplace everyday.

[JadedStar]

Well see the thing is I already get some special treatment from her (it's discrete though, and there isn't many ways she can do it at our workplace anyway) , and I help her out when people think they can * * * * * at her, because she isn't very authoritative.

 

So dating her will really cause problems then.

 

If it is "just" a pool job then surely you could find another pool job or similar elsewhere and pursue her all you want without complicating things for other people.

 

And to be honest you aren't doing her any favors by discreetly helping her out with her supervisory duties due to her not being very authoritative. She can't learn if you are bailing her out. When we fall it teaches us how to get up, and quicker.

[melrich]

Yeah, I agree that most people meet their SO's at work. The difference is they normally are not in direct report status of that person.

 

I don't know if most meet their So at work but definitely a lot do.

 

As far as boss/subordinate situation, I have seen and know of so many relationships that resulted from that dynamic in my time. Way too many for me to recall.

 

But what I would say, is that I don't know of too many that once the relationship started, they remained in that dynamic. Almost invariably someone leaves the employer. That to me is the important thing. That if such a relationship develops, one of the parties puts the relationship ahead of their employment circumstance and leaves.

[civilservant]

I'll certainly agree with that melrich, and it's almost invariably the person in the subordinate position.

 

OP, I'm not saying don't give it a try, but be prepared for the worst to happen both at work and personally.

[JadedStar]

I don't know if most meet their So at work but definitely a lot do.

 

As far as boss/subordinate situation, I have seen and know of so many relationships that resulted from that dynamic in my time. Way too many for me to recall.

 

But what I would say, is that I don't know of too many that once the relationship started, they remained in that dynamic. Almost invariably someone leaves the employer. That to me is the important thing. That if such a relationship develops, one of the parties puts the relationship ahead of their employment circumstance and leaves.

 

 

I actually read that somewhere, can't remember where, but it stated that workplace is the number one place that people meet SO's.

[musicguy]

my co-worker and her fiance (also a fellow co-worker of mine) got married last weekend..so yeah a lot of people meet at work, but some can get in trouble if their relationship gets in the way of their work

[melrich]

but it stated that workplace is the number one place that people meet SO's.

 

It would be close I think too but that is different from most meeting there. Remember in such a survey the choice would not be in workplace or out of work place.

 

Suffice to say, it is a very common occurrence.

[JadedStar]

It would be close I think too but that is different from most meeting there. Remember in such a survey the choice would not be in workplace or out of work place.

 

Suffice to say, it is a very common occurrence.

 

LOL speaking from my own experience, three out of the four people in my life i have dated were met at work. (dated more than four in my life but i am not counting the ones when i was young before my first marriage)

[melrich]

Yes, companies can have all the policies they want but it is fighting human nature, it's going to happen and happen often. But in my experience, most of the work colleagues I have seen get together, usually one of them leaves the workplace pretty soon after.

[JadedStar]

Yes, companies can have all the policies they want but it is fighting human nature, it's going to happen and happen often. But in my experience, most of the work colleagues I have seen get together, usually one of them leaves the workplace pretty soon after.

 

Well for me i worked for a company that was huge...and had three bldgs. Altho i met them there, it never caused a conflict as we worked in different depts and two out of three cases not even the same bldg.

 

If it were the same dept i think i'd have been too uncomfortable with that for a variety of reasons.

 

And i would never date a superior. Or an employee. Just not ethical and against most cmopany policy.

[CaptainPlanet]

I think that in large companies in the USA it is a big deal because you can sue for a lot more money when there is more money involved. thereforee companies will frown on relationships between workers (and supervisors) because of the fear of a sexual harassment charge.

 

Look at whats her name from PwC (was it ?) and her 10 million out of court settlement here in Australia, it wasn't even proven that she was harassed in the end. When working at a pool, what are you going to do ? Sue for $7 an hour of lost income, would anyone even take on that case ? This is different from cases of sexual assault I need to mention.

 

If you don't mind losing your job over it or getting a hard time at work if she takes it the wrong way then you can ask her out.