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Well, there is a big difference between myself and my fiance. One of them, is how we make friends. I am a little more spontanious and outgoing. He is not. I am not sure why or how that is but it bugs him when I make friends and hang out with them. Don't get me wrong here. He tries. I HAVE SEEN HIM TRY. Just no one wants to chill. Apart of me wants to take this pain as my own and bear it for him...I can't. I think that is what kills me more.


How can I get him to not just give up on people. For one, we finally found people our own age and I know it takes time to chill and all. We went to thier apartment. I am just not sure how to take him out of this I don't care mode.

Anyone, Any ideas?

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Lack of information. Is he jealous because you can meet people more effectively than he can, or is it because many of the friends you make are male? If so, how flirtatious are you?


The, "I don't care mode", is the largest factor that will affect his entire social game. You need to find how WHY he doesn't care. Perhaps he doesn't want to include himself in a social environment, introverts actually find social situations mentally draining and sometimes need to just get away from it all to "recharge".


How high is his energy level when he enters a group of people? I would say 90% of people always want someone with a higher energy level than theirs, otherwise they'll feel as if he's bringing them down. Smiling? Good conversationalist?


You shouldn't feel bad for him, that'll only make you your mood change and nothing is solved from that. By the way you introduce yourself, I would consider it likely that you have a higher energy level than him, perhaps you could give him hints on things he could do to improve his social aspects. Perhaps try googling social dynamics.

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I think his I don't care attitude is because it protects him if he fails-i.e. I tried but oh well I failed making friends which is fine cause I didn't really care about it anyway. Kind of like the best offense is a negative-I think this about alot of things. I get tired of getting my hopes up so I expect the worst to happen and when it does I'm not let down, if I actually succeed then I am happy, so it's a win-win, no feelings of rejection. Maybe if you tried to meet people doing activities that he is really good at, that might help, his added confidence might be infectious. Like join a co-ed sports team, which is a hugely social environment, or maybe do community service together where people might be more likely to be interested in being friends with people they might not ordinarily meet... Maybe if you have been trying it the bar route, something less intimidating might work, like some cities have gallery night, where local art galleries open their doors and offer free wine and food. Maybe getting creative with social ideas would help, and if not at least you will both have fun together!

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