Dating someone with an unpredictable job?

[lady00]

I'm sure many people have dealt with this type of thing before so I welcome all of your ideas/thoughts.

 

The issue I'm thinking about is (and this has come up in several of my past dating experiences): how do you deal with a situation in which the person you are dating has an unpredictable job that takes them out of town on short notice or that requires them to put in weekends and long hours without much warning (i.e. they are told the same day that they have to stay late or they are told on Friday that they have to work the weekend). How do you make plans? What do you do if you realize they often have to cancel at the last minute? Do you feel disappointed and give up or do you just accept it and hope the next time that won't happen? Do you just avoid people w/jobs like this or do you have other ways of dealing with it and finding ways to see each other?

 

My question is not about how to make this work if you are married or have been in a relationship for a while and then a person's job becomes more unpredictable. I'm talking about in the very beginning when you are just trying to get to know someone and see if there is potential for a relationship there. And I'm not talking about someone just saying they are busy or have work when they really just don't have the guts to tell you they don't like you...I mean when someone really does have to work and doesn't have much control over their schedule.

[Jetta]

Unless you like being on the backburner, I'd call it a deal breaker, but then again depends. Do you really like this person?

[lady00]

Unless you like being on the backburner, I'd call it a deal breaker, but then again depends. Do you really like this person?

 

I'm not really seeing anyone right now...it's just a general question because many of the guys I meet have demanding and unpredictable jobs...and I suspect I will pretty soon (will be entering a field in which it's bound to be the case), so it's going to keep coming up, whether it's me who is canceling last minute or the guy.

[Batya33]

That's always been my schedule for most of the last 14 years - it has gotten a bit more predictable in the past few years. One way I made it work was by dating people with similarly unpredictable schedules so that they "got it" and we just hoped for the best - that we would be unavailable mainly at the same times.

 

It was a dealbreaker for very few men - a few men didn't call me again after the second last minute cancellation because of a work emergency (even though they knew about my job firsthand) which was unfortunate but a good thing to happen early on because my schedule wasn't for them, apparently.

 

These days, my weekend nights typically are available so at least there's that level of "control."

 

Obviously it's never been a dealbreaker for me as long as I was fairly sure that it was about their unpredictable job schedule and not simply a lack of interest on their part.

[civilservant]

It makes life a little hectic, but as always if you like then then you make it work. I dated a Police Officer before and they cap be asking to stay in at a moment notice, or get stuck doing paperwork after an arrest. I always accepted it because I liked her.