Things have been getting a little rough lately...need a high 5

[fivespot]

Well, maybe not a high 5

 

But I can definitely use some encouragement.

 

I've been in NC with my ex since March. I've stopped talking about her to my friends and family months ago. As far as they're concerned, she's ancient history.

 

So I can't very well get much encouragement from them, mostly because I'm afraid they'll be like, "WHAT? I can't believe you're still even thinking about her!"

 

I'm sure if they knew how I really felt, they'd be a little disappointed. hell, I'm disappointed in myself that I'm still holding a torch for her.

 

I must admit, up to this point, it's been a rollercoaster. Some good days, some bad days. But the thing is, I'm by myself and I'm somewhat comfortable with that. So I suppose that's a step in the right direction.

 

The thing is, I MISS HER! I want to talk to her or write to her...anything! I want to talk to her sister, her mom...anyone connected to her.

 

I don't know what I'd say. I'm not interested in being friends with her and I know the second I hear her voice, all these months of NC will have been for nothing.

 

But this is so hard! She dumped me and I thought for sure she'd be back, but I haven't heard from her since May (SMS joke, I ignored it). But she's not fighting to get me back.

 

Add to this, I told a mutual friend of ours I'm seeing someone new (I'm not, but there's no way for him to find out...he's lives in another state.) That was originally part of my plan to show her I'm fine and living life without her and all is well.

 

Well, nothing could be further from the truth. I miss her so much. I'm haunted by the memories of everything we did together. It still breaks my heart that we can't be together...and this empty feeling is starting to really kick my a$$.

 

I'm probably not going to contact her or anyone from her family. But please, I really could use some words of encouragement.

 

This thing is so hard and it's been so long now being in NC and I still don't feel like I've made any progress...

[Wolf_22]

Hmmm... I think you just posted about something that probably 80% of us on here constantly post about!

 

Man, the only cure from this sort of thing is keeping productively busy, thinking about everything that happened between the two of you and keep trying to better yourself for the next little hottie you wind up with.

 

Oh, and don't forget to send 1 or 2 my way...

[BYOB]

Why wouldn't you share this with your friends? They won't kill you, torture you or leave you only because you're not over her. The fact that you don't freely speak out your mind is making you much more nervous and obsessed about your ex.

 

But good job on keeping the no contact. Keep up the good work!

[nothanks]

Nothing to say that could help, but just so you know you're not alone I'm replying!

 

I'm struggling so hard myself, but it seems that NC is the way, and maybe you could talk to a therapist?

 

What do you still think about? What keeps you thinking about her? Maybe you just never got to talk it all out, cuz you were trying to be strong?

[cr44hill]

Have you tried dating at all? I'm 6 months out and not making much progress myself. starting to date some but it doesn't help except for the loneliness a bit.

[fivespot]

Hi everybody...

 

Thanks so much for your responses! Actually, yes I have dated a few girls. It was horrible, though. After a few dates, I KNEW they were totally interested in me.

 

Only I found myself totally UN-interested in them. Partly because I'm still not over my ex, but also because nothing "jumped out" at me when I was with them. I hate comparing them to my ex, but when we first met--the ex and I, there was this amazing connection and after the first time I talked to her, I felt like I knew her my entire life.

 

Is that too much to ask for the next girl I date? Probably, but if you don't feel the spark, no sense in pushing something you know won't work. The only outcome of that is someone will get hurt.

 

Yes, it did wonders for my self esteem. I knew I could still attract girls. But knowing they were the wrong girls, I don't think I've ever felt more depressed. Let's just say I've put dating on hold for now...

 

When I think about my ex, I think about all the good times we had. We only went out for a short period of time, but I was friends with her for over 5 years before anything happened (and she knew I was in love with her all that while). Anyway, she came to me, out of the blue, right after she broke up with her ex. We dated and "went out" for probably a week, at most.

 

However, we "acted" like boyfriend/girlfriend for over a year. We even went to the caribbean together. I guess we were sort of exclusive for about 4 months, until it seemed like she started losing interest.

 

I eventually told her I couldn't deal with being just FWB and told her to finally give me a commitment. She couldn't and I broke things off. She tried so hard to stay friends with me, but I kept falling into the same trap. When she'd beg to stay friends with me, I'd take that as she's still interested. Then when we were together, we were back to sex.

 

So what do I think about now? Well, aside from the good times, I also wish I would have broke things off sooner, when I first started to realize it wasn't going anywhere. I wish I would have let her go and mostly I wish I never fell for her, but that was already a given...I guess you have no control over stuff like that.

 

I wish she would have given me a chance...us a chance. But it looks like that chance is long gone.

 

And I can't share this with friends because believe me, they're tired of hearing about it. They've heard about that whole year we were supposedly "together."

 

I just can't believe someone could be so cold. How could someone that you trust...that you don't need to get to know, you think you know them better than yourself...how can they say they love you, then drag you through the dirt, then fall of the face of the earth? How can someone be so heartless. Well, these are all my reasons I'm telling myself, and as anyone looking at this from the outside, they'd probably say I'm doing the right thing. But it doesn't feel right to me, nor do I feel any better.

[saturnreturn]

Talk to your friends and family... they will not be disappointed in you. As you can tell from reading about everybody's experiences on this forum, most people can relate to how terrible it is to have to let go of someone you love.

My ex and I broke up in may and I am still feeling exactly like you--obsessing, dying for news about him, constantly wondering why I have been cut out of his life. My only saving grace has been my friends and family... I feel much much worse when I keep the grief and anxiety and loneliness to myself. You have to talk about it. People will listen if they love you, no matter how long it has been.